Daybreak
by an-anchor-sinking-her
Summary: What if, after Victoria, Bella had chosen differently? What if she realized she couldn't bear to lose Jacob? And to what lengths would Edward go to get her to change her mind? Set right before Eclipse ends, when Bella is visiting Jacob after the fight.
1. Chapter 1

_He looked at the ceiling, his stare intent, as if he were reading something that was written there. "Maybe…it will have to be a long-distance friendship."_

_I clenched my teeth together, glad he wasn't looking at my face, fighting against the sobs that threatened to overtake me again. I needed to be strong, and I had no idea how…_

"_You know that story in the Bible?" Jacob asked suddenly, still reading the blank ceiling. "The one with the king and the two women fighting over the baby?"_

"_Sure. King Solomon."_

"_That's right. King Solomon," he repeated. "And he said, cut the kid in half…but it was only a test. Just to see who would give up their share to protect it."_

"_Yeah, I remember."_

_He looked back at my face. "I'm not going to cut you in half anymore, Bella."_

I closed my eyes, unable to process the extent of the situation. I knew that I loved them both, knew that there was nothing I could do to fix this. No matter who I chose, I would hurt someone. And, no matter which decision I made, I would hurt myself; the pain of having to let go of one of them would surely rip me in half.

I could barely think, barely hold myself together. I felt the wrapping constrictions of pain lapping at my fingers. I wrapped my arms around myself, my old trick to stay intact, but it didn't work. I couldn't hold myself together this time, and it hurt so badly that I felt sick.

"Hey, Bella, what's wrong?" Jacob asked with a worried expression, trying to sit up. "Hey, look at me. I'm sorry, I won't talk about it anymore." I looked at him and felt my heart begin to fissure. I tried to push him back onto the bed again, but he grabbed my wrist.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he whispered, his hand warm around mine. I felt icy.

"I have to go," I choked out, ripping my hand from his grip and running out of his room, trying to cover my eyes from the tears I could feel welling up behind my lids.

"Bella, come back!" I heard him shout, but I was flying, running as far away as I could get. I ran to the beach, tripping over rocks and twigs, my heart shattering. I wanted to be numb, to stop feeling.

I couldn't separate the two halves of myself. I thought that Jacob was the only one with two sides, my Jacob and the arrogant Jacob, but I was just as bad. I had two people crammed inside of me: Edward's Bella and Jacob's Bella. With Edward, I was quiet, timid, dizzy. But with Jacob, I felt alive. I was reckless and crazy. We didn't have to be careful, and we weren't. I liked that irresponsible side of myself, and I liked Edward's withdrawn and soft side too.

But, I never felt insecure with Jacob. I knew that he didn't have more than me, and we were meant to be together. I always felt so inadequate with Edward, being a lowly human beside his god-like beauty and radiance. His family, who loved me and whom I loved as well, was the same way, though, and I always felt…less around them all.

And then there was my family to worry about, my parents and friends. Leaving them, becoming a part of Edward's family, would be devastating for them, and I couldn't imagine a future where I would ever be able to see them again as a vampire. Leaving them, especially after Charlie's little speech before going to Jacob's, would be close to impossible. I knew the way around that, though: choosing Jacob.

I had so much to fear. The Volturi were still coming back for me, and there was always the threat of other vampires like Victoria coming through Forks. But should I let fear completely control my life?

My head pounded with overwhelming, slamming pain. My fingers were shaking so bad that I could barely wipe away the tears streaming down my face. Everything hurt, from the crest of my head to my shivering toes. I had no idea how to mash together the two pieces of myself, or the two decisions that had to be made.

My phone rang shrilly from my pocket, the little silver phone from Edward, but I ignored it. Being away from Jacob, Alice could see me again, and she must've told Edward how much I was struggling. I didn't want to talk to him; I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone.

* * *

><p>Going to see Emily hadn't been my intention when I finally started walking again. I just sort of wandered aimlessly, not realizing that I was heading for her house until I saw it in front of me. I wiped my face as best I could and knocked on the door. Emily opened the door, her face shocked.<p>

"Bella?" she asked, confused. "What are you doing here? And why are you crying?" I shook my head, unable to explain, and looked down at my feet. She reached for my hand and took it, the warm contact soothing. She gently tugged me inside and shut the door.

"Sam?" she called out. He emerged from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish towel. As soon as he saw me, he froze. "How about you go check on Jacob for a little while? I bet he could use the company." He nodded, eyeing me warily. As he passed on his way to the front door, he put his heavy hand onto my shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. When he eased the door shut with a light click, Emily led me to the couch to sit down. I was still crying, tears streaming – thankfully – silently down my face. At least the wracking sobs had stopped.

Emily was patient. She sat with me, waiting for me to be able to speak. She patted my hand, a steady comforting rhythm against my skin, as I tried to compose myself. I looked up at her, and saw her smiling sadly at me.

"When I first met you, I knew that you loved them both," she said quietly. I didn't ask how she knew why I was crying. "I could see it in your eyes. Do you remember when Jacob came back with Paul after they were fighting? You were so worried about him. I could tell how you felt, even then." I sniffled and took a deep breath.

"I told him I love him," I said, my voice hoarse. "He kissed me, and I realized it for myself. He was right all along." She went to the kitchen for a moment and came back with a glass of water and a tissue box. I wiped my eyes and gratefully took a sip of water. I took another deep breath, trying to calm down.

"If I were you," Emily said, a thoughtful look on her face, "I would take some time and really think. There are a lot of things that make up love besides love, things like security, and comfort, and happiness. You have to decide for yourself who makes you happiest." I laughed, a short 'ha'.

"They both make me happy," I said, crumpling up the tissue in my hand. "Jacob…well, you know Jacob. He's wonderful. And Edward is…I love the way he makes me feel."

"Well, it isn't going to be easy," she said. She sat back into the couch, the springs creaking. "If it was, you'd have already made a choice."

"I already know how hard this is," I said. "I just want someone to help me decide." She smiled and turned her head, staring at something behind me. I turned around to see a picture on the wall; it was Sam and Emily, their arms around each other. Emily was smiling, her face brilliant despite the scars, and Sam wasn't looking at the camera but rather at her, the love in his eyes as unmistakable as the sun. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.

"When Edward left, I lost myself." I couldn't look at Emily as I talked, afraid of what I might see in her eyes. "I could barely breathe, let alone move on. Those months already proved to me what will happen if I turn him away. But when we were out there in the forest, and Edward told me that Jacob was hurt…I felt a piece of me die. And when I got to see him, all bandaged and broken, I was broken too." I started crying again, silently letting my emotions spill from me. Emily took my hand again.

"I may be biased, but I can try to be as subjective as I can," she said. "I know Jacob better, and I know you better when you're with Jacob than when you're with Edward. All of that aside, this time would have one huge difference from the last time: this time, you'd be making the choice yourself. Maybe, if you told Edward to leave instead of him leaving you, it would be easier for you. And, you'd always have Jacob to help you through it this time. I'd be there for you, too, you know, and the rest of the pack. We all love you already." I looked up at that, my nose so stuffed that I had to breathe through my mouth in gasping drags. She looked so sad.

"When you picked Sam, did you regret it?" I asked. She was quiet for a moment, thinking.

"I didn't have the same dilemma as you, but you're right. I had to choose between Sam and Leah. But, now that I'm here, I don't regret it at all. I'm still sad about what I did, but the payoff was worth it, in the end." I stared out the window, watching the trees outside sway in the wind. I tried to block out my thoughts, afraid that, if I considered the decision again, I'd break down again in front of Emily.

"You just have to decide who means more to you," she said kindly. I closed my eyes, unable to bring myself to look at her, at her house, at anything that reminded me of Jacob or the pack.

"Thank you, Emily," I said, standing. I needed to leave, to be on my own. I needed to think. "I think I'm going to go home and think." She nodded.

"No matter what, my door is always open." I couldn't stop myself from looking into her eyes, into the scars that I knew could have just as easily have been mine if Jake had let himself phase in the garage when I told him about Edward changing me, what felt like an eternity ago. She was so sincere that it made my heart ache even more.

"Thanks again," I said, suddenly in a hurry to leave. I rushed out the door, leaving her standing there watching me go.

* * *

><p>I wandered around on the beach again, trying to hold myself together. My mind raced, flipping between my future with Jacob and my future with Edward. I could see my life with Jacob playing out in front of me: the two of us walking down the beach, hand in hand; our children playing in the waves, their silky hair blowing in the wind; the pack, my family, gathered around in Emily's tiny living room for holidays. I could see myself growing old with Jacob, living a normal human life filled with my family and friends, not sacrificing anything for him.<p>

Except for Edward.

I heard my phone go off again, but still I ignored it. The ringing stopped after what felt like forever, and the phone just sat heavily in my pocket. I stared into the waves until it went off again, singing. I pulled it out of my pocket and checked who was calling: Alice. I answered.

"Hello?"

"Bella, what on earth is going on?" she asked loudly, her musical voice tinkling. "You aren't answering your phone, and I can see you still in La Push but you aren't with Jacob. What happened? And why does your future keep going blank?" I opened my mouth to answer, but she just kept talking. "You have no idea how worried I am. It isn't safe to be alone anymore, especially with you injuring yourself with the frequency of a stuntman. We have so much to plan for the wedding, and if you aren't going to be with Jacob, I think you should come here so we can go over color palettes. Why don't you-"

"Alice!" I shouted. She stopped talking, taking a breath. I sat down on a large rock and rubbed my temples. My headache was back with a vengeance. "The last thing I want to think about is the wedding." She was quiet for a second.

"I saw you talking with that girl with the scars," she said quietly. "I know that you're rethinking joining our family. And, when your future started disappearing…I got very nervous, Bella. Why wouldn't you come to me to talk about this?"

"I don't want him to know," I said, my voice a whisper. I could barely say the words. "If I told you, then he would hear it in your head. You can't tell him, Alice. He can't know." She sighed.

"I'll be careful around him," she said. "But you are going to have to make a choice soon, Bella. I doubt either of them will be content to wait forever."

"I just don't know what to do, Alice." I felt the confusion swimming through my head.

"You and Edward are meant to be together," she said, sounding exasperated. "I had no idea this was even a question for you. Just because Jacob is hurt, doesn't mean you can just forget about your life with us. This is what you want, and this is what you've wanted for a while. And what about me? Are you prepared to lose all of us by picking that…that…dog? He's not good for you. You belong with us, and you know that-"

I slammed the phone shut and threw it as hard as I could. It hit the ocean with a tiny splash and sank below the waves. I put my head in my hands and sank into a ball. If I could just disappear, maybe the pain would go away.

I walked back to Jake's house to get my truck. I wanted to go home. When I got in and started it up, Billy stuck his head out of the front door. He waved, looking confused.

"Hey, Bella!" he called. "Where are you going? Jacob wanted-" I revved the engine and backed into the street, drowning him out. I drove away, leaving Billy in his doorway.

* * *

><p>The drive home was excruciating. I was still aching, trying to numb out my fingers enough to hold the wheel securely. I pushed all thoughts out of my head besides the route back to my house. Charlie should still be home, which meant I would have to make up some story for why I looked so terrible. Regardless of what I said, he wouldn't come to bother me; I knew that he avoided emotional breakdowns at all costs. Maybe he would go to Billy's for the rest of the day.<p>

When I pulled onto my street, I saw a familiar car parked out front. I felt my stomach drop so fast that I lost my breath. I felt sick again. I thought about turning around, but I knew he would follow me anywhere I went in Forks, and I didn't want to go back to La Push. I slowed down and tried to prepare myself. I parked, and he was already at my door. His face, beautiful as ever, was creased with concern. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hello," he said, his voice so calm compared to the worry in his eyes. "How is Jacob?" I couldn't look at him. I turned away from his arms, open to embrace me, and almost ran up to my front door. In less than a second, he was in front of me, blocking the way. I knew I couldn't get by that easily.

"Edward, I want to go inside," I said, my voice shaking. He reached out and touched my face, stroking the side of his hand down the line of my cheek. I turned away, not wanting to feel his touch. I shook my head and tried to step around him.

"What happened? Are you all right?" he asked, grabbing my elbow. I tried to yank my arm away, but he held tight.

"Let go Edward," I said sharply, and he let go. I rushed inside before he could grab me again. I shut the door, ignoring him standing outside. I saw Charlie parked in front of the television, and he looked up at me with a smile.

"How is Jacob?" he asked, not noticing how red my eyes and face had to be. "Billy said yesterday that he's already healing up."

"Yeah, he's looking much better," I answered, trying to make my voice as even as possible. Charlie looked pleased. "I'm going upstairs to take a nap." He turned back to the television.

"All right, Bells," he said, settling back into the couch. "If you wake up in time for dinner, maybe we can bring some pizzas down to La Push. I bet Billy wouldn't mind the company." I made a noise of agreement and climbed the stairs, my feet heavy. When I opened my bedroom door, Edward was already there. He was leaning against the wall opposite my door, his arms crossed. I considered going back downstairs to sit with Charlie, but Edward guessed my intentions; he took a step towards me.

"Don't go, Bella," he said, stretching his arm out towards me. "I only want to help. Please, just tell me what happened."

"I want you to leave," I said, wringing my hands in front of me.

"Why did you throw your phone into the ocean?" He looked at me with an unreadable expression. "Alice said she was worried about you. What happened at Jacob's?" I put my hands over my ears and tried to will him to leave. He was quiet for a moment.

"What would you like me to do, Bella?" His voice pushed another stab of pain through my heart. I couldn't speak; I pointed to the window with a shaky finger. Without a sound, he glided over to me and kissed my forehead, light as a feather. When I looked up, he was already gone, my curtains blowing gently. I shut the window and locked it tightly.

I was lost. I was hurting. I wanted nothing more than for it all to go away. I curled up, bringing my knees to my chest, and rocked until I lost consciousness.

* * *

><p>I was walking through the forest, the endless green comforting and bright. The wind blew through the trees and rustled the leaves. My hair drifted around my head like a cloud. I smiled, calm and relaxed. I walked until I emerged from the tree line into a large clearing. Looking around, I saw that it was the one where the newborns had met the Cullens and the werewolves, but it was empty now. I walked out into the middle of the clearing, glancing around at the trees. I saw no one else following me. I was comforted by my solitude.<p>

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement. I turned to see Jacob, wolf Jacob, coming out from the line of trees. His red-brown fur glinted in the sun like it was flecked with gold. When he saw me, he bounded over, stopping right in front of me. I smiled, reaching out my hand to touch his muzzle. He closed his eyes in contentment as I ran my fingers through his fur.

Then, I saw another figure emerge from the forest. Edward was running over, at the regular running speed of a human. His skin sent diamond glitters scattering everywhere, and he shone in the sunlight. He stopped beside Jacob and smiled my favorite crooked smile. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and I leaned into him happily. I looked at Jacob, worried about his reaction, but he was still content. He grinned and tilted his head to the side.

"This is all I ever wanted," I said, laughing with pure joy. "I just wanted you to get along." Edward laughed quietly.

"Oh, Bella," he said, stroking my hair. "You know we'll never get along." Confused, I turned back to Jacob. He was suddenly his human self, shirtless in a pair of black sweats. He had his arms crossed and his head tilted. He smiled, but it was the patronizing smile that I hated.

"We won't get along until you pick," he said, reaching out. He pulled me away from Edward and into his side, pinning me there with his arm. I bit my lip, unable to make the decision, unable to choose.

"But I love you both," I said. "How can I possibly lose either of you?" Edward smiled.

"Leave me while you still can," he said, still smiling, happy though his words were cruel. "I'll leave you again, just like before. You can't trust me anymore. Leave while it's still your decision."

"I would never hurt you," Jacob said, kissing the top of my head. "You and I are made for each other. Think of how happy you would be. You could be with me and be so, so happy." Edward nodded.

"I would make you happy, too," he said, waving his hand in the air. "I love you more than my existence. If you picked me, you could be invincible. We would be invincible." I shook my head, trying to block out their bickering. I was torn: happiness with Edward, or happiness with Jacob. I was lost in a muddle of confusion.

"I can help you, you know." I looked up, and it was like I was looking in a mirror. I was seeing myself, standing there in the sunlight. I had my hands clasped in front of me, a light smile on my face. I looked so happy.

"What should I do?" I asked. The other me just shook her head. I turned to look at Edward, but he was gone. I glanced around the clearing, but both he and Jake were gone. It was just me and myself, alone.

"You know exactly what to do," she said, smiling again. I watched her turn around and walk away, her back bobbing away into the sunlight. And, suddenly, I did know. I knew exactly what to do.

I shot awake, a sheen of sweat on my face. I knew what to do.

* * *

><p>Charlie called up to me that we were invited over to the Black's for dinner, so I changed clothes and washed my face, trying to look more presentable. I wanted to be as ready as I could be for what I had to do when we got to Jacob's house.<p>

On the way over, Charlie babbled about his job at the police station. He talked about a new case, a string of burglaries of the local shops in town. I was barely listening; I couldn't focus on his voice with my mind racing. I was dreading what lied ahead.

Billy was waiting outside for us, and when we pulled up, he waved happily. He and Charlie were talking as soon as Charlie opened the car door, and he and Billy went inside without, leaving me in the car. I sat for a minute, preparing myself. My entire life would change; I would lose someone I loved, and I had no choice but to pick who I knew would make me happier. I squared my shoulders and went inside.

Billy and Charlie were already in front of the television watching some sports recap show, and Jacob, still injured, was nowhere to be seen. Charlie looked up at me and nodded towards Jake's room.

"He looks much better," he said. "You were right. He was asking for you, so go ahead." I rubbed my arm, preparing. I knew I couldn't wait much longer; I opened his door and went in.

He was lying there just like earlier, but as soon as he saw me, his face dropped. I shut the door, making sure it clicked before I turned back to face him. He tried to sit up, managing to angle himself against the headboard in an awkward half-sitting position.

"What happened to you earlier?" he asked. I knew he would waste no time with pleasantries.

"I needed some time to think," I replied, my voice surprisingly strong and clear. I wasn't as nervous as I had been in the car; seeing Jake always put me at ease. "I'm sorry I ran out on you." He shrugged.

"It's fine. I was just worried about you. Sam stopped by and said you were with Emily." He paused, waiting for me to explain. I walked over and sat on his bed beside him. He scooted his legs over as far as he could to give me room, wincing slightly.

"I just needed another perspective," I said, smiling. "She's wonderful. I can see why Sam loves her." Jake laughed.

"We all love her," he said, and I heard the weight of the pack plural in his voice. I reached over and patted his leg gently so I didn't hurt him.

"I also had something I needed to tell you," I said. I knew, so deep in my heart, that I had made the right choice. The only difficult part was convincing everyone else that I did. But, I also knew that Jacob was my best friend, no matter what. I wasn't afraid.

"Spit it out, Bells," he said with furrowed eyebrows, annoyed at my silence. I tapped him lightly instead of smacking him. He smirked at me.

"I made up my mind," I said. I took a steadying breath. "I know that you've been waiting for me to choose, and I know who I can't live without. I know who I love more. Jake, I love you. I love you for everything that you are and everything that I am when I'm with you. I never thought I'd be able to pick which of you I could stand to lose, but I figured it out. I know who I want. And Jake, it's you. I want to be with you. I want to grow old with you and start a family with you. I love you, and this is where I belong."

He looked at me for a long time, his expression unfathomable. His silence made me squirm. What if he had changed his mind? What if, after everything I had put him through, he had finally come to his senses and realized how toxic I was? What if Sam had convinced him that I wasn't worth the wait? I stared at him, unable to read the crease lines on his face. I wanted to scream. Finally, I could take it no longer.

"I guess you changed your mind," I said dejectedly after at least five minutes of stony silence. I started to stand up. "I'm so sorry, Jake. If we can still be friends…" I felt the hole in my chest opening back up, preparing for the worst. I would lose Jacob, and I would have to live my life with my second choice. I felt like I was going to fall apart.

I took a step towards the door, but he grabbed my hand tightly. I turned back around, and he was smiling, a beautiful smile, the happiest I'd ever seen him. He tugged me back to the bed, and I sat down again. He put both of his enormous hands around mine.

"Bella, I wanted to make sure you were serious," he said, his voice soft. He looked into my eyes like he could see my soul within. "I would never change my mind. You are all I've ever wanted. I love you more than anything, and I'm not going to lose you again." He tugged me down to lay beside him, my head sitting on his chest. He stroked my hair so gently, and I felt complete.

"I love you," I said, turning my face towards his. I looked into his eyes and saw my future, exactly as I wanted, exactly as I knew it should be. He leaned his lips down to mine, and when we kissed, I felt like air.

"Love you more," he said with my smile. My Jacob, my smile, all mine.


	2. Chapter 2

After dinner, which was really Billy and Charlie eating in front of the television while I brought a box of pizza into Jake's room for us, I asked Charlie if I could stay with the Blacks for the night. He was wary, but after I told him how much easier it would be on Billy to have an extra hand – and after he made sure Jake was okay with the intrusion – he agreed. I stood in the front doorway watching him pull away, beeping his horn twice as he drove off. I turned back around and went to help Billy clean up.

"Bella," he said, watching me. I smiled at him, encouraging him to go on. I picked up his and Charlie's plates and brought them into the kitchen. "I know what's been going on with you." I looked up from the sink. "I know you've been leading Jake on with no intention of it going anywhere. I just need you to know that staying the night here will just make it worse." I heard Jacob laughing loudly from his room, and I blushed a deep red color. Billy looked at me in confusion.

"I-Um it's not-I-"I stammered, looking for the words.

"She picked me, Dad!" Jacob shouted. His voice was ecstatic. "She's ditching the bloodsucker!" Billy looked at me with a small smile playing at his lips. I looked sheepishly at the floor.

"Bella?" I looked up at him, and he was waiting, both eyebrows raised. I went back to washing dishes. "What is he talking about?"

"Well," I started, trying to find the words. "I realized I want Jake more than I want Edward. I don't want to be a vampire." Billy shook his head at the word. "I want to live a normal life with you and Charlie and my mom."

"Plus I'm way better-looking!" Jake chimed in, and Billy laughed heartily. I smiled at him, and he patted me on the arm.

"If that's the case, then I'll have to make you sleep on the couch tonight," he said, his voice full of humor.

"Dad, no!" Jake called, whiny and petulant like a child. He obviously missed the sarcasm in his dad's warning. "I'm half-dead, what could we possibly do?" I shuddered, getting embarrassed again, and turned off the faucet. Billy shook his head, chuckling, and wheeled himself to his room.

"Goodnight, Bella," he said quietly, grinning. I gave him a smile and headed back to Jake's room. He was sitting up in bed, his arms crossed and his eyebrows creased, finally looking his actual age. I closed the door and went to touch the line between his brows. He closed his eyes and sighed.

That night, we lay beside each other and just talked. He told me how bored he was being stuck in the house and how his brothers would visit to tell him all about life after Victoria. Without anything to hunt, the wolves were restless. They continued to do nightly patrols, but instead of watching for a scent, they were exploring the woods; their goal was to map out the entire mountain range, eventually. He asked about my college decisions (nonexistent, without a reason to hide away in Alaska anymore) and my subsequent new fall plans (get a job in town and save up for a place of my own).

Being with Jake was like breathing. It was so easy to fall back into being best friends, talking and messing around like we did before, when we could just sit in his garage for hours. I used to think of him as my own personal sun, but he was so much more than that: he encompassed the entire solar system, shining his light onto every aspect of my life. I realized that I was fighting him because I was so adamant to have Edward change me. Without the fighting, we were completely at ease, and I knew that Jacob was the right choice.

Still, when Jake finally fell asleep beside me, I felt the tendrils of panic overtake me. Through my elation that Jacob still wanted me, I had forgotten that I had to let go of Edward. I tried never to think about how bad it had been when he left the year before, but memories of my catatonia washed over me. I remembered how I had to physically hold myself together to keep the hole in my chest from ripping me apart. I started to hyperventilate, and after making sure that Jake was sound asleep, I climbed out from under his arm. I needed to see Edward, and I needed to fix myself. I could never truly be with Jacob with the pain of losing Edward and the entire life that I had planned around him.

I only got a few steps towards the front door before I remembered that my truck was back home, at Charlie's. I cursed under my breath and wrung my hands, trying to think. My mind swirled with the imminent pain of telling Edward my decision. No matter what, I was going to have to hurt him; there was no way to keep them both. And, saying goodbye to Edward meant losing that part of myself, the half that belonged to him. I would have to go through it all over again.

_No_, I told myself. This time was different. This time, I wouldn't be alone. I had Jacob, and I had the pack, now an incredibly sizeable 10. I had Emily. And, I had my family. I had Charlie and Renee, who I no longer had to lose. I could keep Angela and Ben and even Mike, if he wanted to stay friends. I had to sacrifice absolutely nothing to stay with Jacob, whereas I would lose so much if I had chosen Edward. Jake was the right choice, I knew that. But losing Edward a second time would be close to impossible.

I thought about taking my bike out of Jake's garage and driving over to Edward's to explain myself, but I knew that I wouldn't be steady enough on a bike with all of the pain rearing inside of me. I knew I had to wait until morning, at the very least.

It was going to be a very long night.

I decided, after standing in the living room for a few minutes, that I should call Edward and let him know that I was okay. I found Jacob's phone and dialed the number I knew by heart.

"Hello?" His voice was melodic, beautiful. I inhaled sharply, amazed at the stab of pain that accompanied it.

"Hi," I said timidly. He sighed deeply on the other end.

"Bella, I cannot tell you how relieved I am to hear from you," he said, his words spilling out too fast. "You went to La Push and Alice couldn't see you anymore, but when Charlie went home she still couldn't see you. I went to check your house, but you weren't there. I didn't know if you'd stayed in La Push or if something terrible had happened. Bella I was so worried, I-"

"Edward," I cut him off, "I was calling to tell you that I'm staying with Jake tonight." He was very quiet, for a few beats too long. I waited.

"Is he recovering properly?" he asked, an edge to his voice. I could tell he wasn't happy. Well, neither was I.

"He's fine, but Billy needed a break so I offered to help out," I lied, hoping he wouldn't be able to tell over the phone. "I'm on their couch now."

"If you need me to come take you home, I will," he said quietly. I bit my lip, barely able to think with the escalating pain rumbling in my stomach. I suddenly wished I hadn't eaten so much pizza.

"I'm fine," I said. "I want to stay and help out." We were both quiet. My head pulsed and my fingers twitched. How was I ever going to be able to let him go?

"Please call me when you're home tomorrow," he said, putting an emphasis on the last few words to make sure that I knew he expected me to leave then. I gritted my teeth together.

"Sure, sure," I lied again. It was getting easier to brush him off, but not in a good way. I felt nauseous.

"Goodnight, love," he whispered. "I love you." I was silent. I had hit my limit on lying. I just couldn't do it anymore.

"I love you so much," I whispered back, cupping the phone. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I could only imagine his face, his beautiful face, and how it would break when I had to face him. I heard the phone click off, and I wiped the tears from my face. I sniffled. I didn't want to leave Jake alone, so I snuck back into his room. He was awake, watching me. I froze.

"Who was that on the phone?" he asked curtly, though he already knew. I chewed my lip again. How could I possibly explain?

"Jake, please, just don't," I begged, tossing him his phone. I turned back into his living room, shutting the door. I heard his bed creak as he tried to get up, followed by a series of low grunts and groans as he realized he couldn't stand.

"Bella!" he whispered loudly. I covered my face with my hands, ashamed and hurting. "Bella, come back! I think I really hurt myself!" I immediately rushed back into his room, throwing his quilt off of him to check for more injuries. He grabbed my chin and turned my face to look at him. He had on a passive mask.

"You're fine," I realized, angry. He nodded teasingly.

"You needed to get back in here. Now tell me, who was that on the phone?" I sat down beside him, and he put his hand on my knee.

"You know who it was," I said sourly. He rolled his eyes.

"I want you to be honest with me, Bells," he said, his tone softening. "You said you picked me. Was that a lie?" I looked at him with wide eyes, horrified at his conclusion.

"Of course not!" I cried. He put a finger to his lips and shushed me, and I lowered my voice. "Jake, you are my choice, and I wouldn't have told you that had I not been one hundred percent sure." He visibly relaxed, sinking down into his mattress.

"You haven't told him." It wasn't a question. I shook my head slightly. He nodded, clicking his tongue. "That makes sense. I wondered why you still looked so…normal earlier."

"Thanks," I whispered acidly. He ignored me.

"When you tell him, it's going to kill you, and I know that. You have to give up on an entire life with him and the rest of the leeches. Sorry," he apologized, noticing my glare. "And I imagine this isn't going to be a smooth transition from him to me. You're going to hurt for a long, long time. But I'm here Bella, and I'm here for the long haul. I won't abandon you, even when it gets hard." He took my hand and rubbed circles into my palm. It was soothing, and I relaxed.

"I can't imagine a world without both of you in it," I admitted, embarrassed to say it out loud to him. "I want you both. But I want you more. And I'll have to face the consequences of losing Edward. He would have to face an even worse fallout, had I picked him over you." Jacob coaxed me back down beside him, and I put my head on the pillow beside his. He looked at me like I was the most important thing in the world, and I knew that, at that moment, I was.

"We'll get through this together," he murmured. He inched his face towards mine, but I met him halfway. Our lips met, and the kiss was beautiful, glorious, healing. I knew that, after I did what I had to do, he would help put me back together again.

"You need sleep," I mumbled, breaking the kiss to breathe. His chest heaved in time with mine. He reached over and ran his hand down the length of my hair.

"Stay," he said, so quietly that I barely heard him. I kissed his forehead lightly.

"I'm right here," I whispered. His eyes closed, and a few minutes later I heard his gentle snoring. I tried to push aside my pain, to forget about the daunting task of separating myself from Edward's world, and closed my eyes. I fell asleep, still thinking of Edward's magnificent face and how it would contort when he heard the truth.

* * *

><p>I awoke the next morning to hushed voices in the living room and gloomy clouds blocking out the sun. I was burning up from Jacob's radiating body heat, and I tried to extract myself from him. He had managed to pull me tight to his side and snake his arm around me as we slept, and as I tried to get out of his embrace, he woke with a start. I put my hand on his chest to calm him, and when he saw me, he beamed.<p>

"Good morning," he said groggily, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. He winced at the stiff movement. I smiled back at him.

"Good morning," I replied, kissing him lightly. He touched my face with his fingers, cupping my cheek, and I leaned into it, closing my eyes.

"Good morning children," a voice said loudly, and I jumped, looking at the door to Jacob's room. Billy was smiling mischievously, and behind him was a very confused but very beautiful Carlisle. I stood up faster than I should have and ran my fingers through my hair, hoping I didn't look too terrible.

"Um, Carlisle," I stumbled around my words, lost. "How are you?"

"I'm very well," he said, his voice calm. "I came over this morning to check on Jacob's breaks and to see how he was healing." I nodded and sidestepped them both out into the living room, where I stood next to Billy as Carlisle entered Jake's room. Jake eyed him warily, but didn't protest. Carlisle worked in uncomfortable silence. I felt the pangs of loss shoot through me again as I watched Carlisle work. I knew that I would lose him, too, again. The thought brought about the faces of the rest of his family, the family that I had chosen to abandon, the family I would no longer join. I hoped the pain wasn't showing on my face.

"You look much better today, Jacob," he said cheerfully, lifting Jake's limbs and checking the braces. "The breaks are healing much more quickly than I would have expected. You should be able to walk around outside of the house within a day or two, depending on how you feel." Jake perked up at that.

"Really?" he said, his eyes bright. "I can finally get out of this stupid bed?" Carlisle, still examining, nodded, his lips pursed in concentration.

"You seem to be healing quite perfectly," he said, standing back up straight. "I'll come by in a few days to give you the all-clear to walk again. Please try to refrain from standing without need until you have my clearance, though; we don't want to have to re-break the fractures again." Jake shuddered in sync with me at the thought. Carlisle turned back to face me. I tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace.

"Bella, do you mind if we speak privately outside for a moment?" I felt sick at the thought, but I nodded, throwing one last glance at Jacob. He watched me worriedly, and I turned to follow Carlisle outside of the house.

"Thanks again for checking on Jake like this," I started, hoping I could distract him. His smile was kind.

"It's the least I can do for all of the help that they provided the other day," he replied, his calm demeanor showing no change. "I'm glad that I can help." We stood for a moment, and the wind whipped around us. The weather was terrible; rain was coming.

"I wanted to talk with you about Edward," he said slowly, gauging my reaction. I tried to keep my face clear of emotion, and I let him continue. "He's very worried about you. He told me that you won't discuss this issue with him, and he feels conflicted about how to react. I know that I am his father, but I was hoping you would feel at liberty to discuss this problem with me. Perhaps I can help." His words cut through me, and I felt like I was standing in a fire. I burned with pain and longing. He waited patiently, watching my face and the emotions that crossed it wordlessly.

"Carlisle, please don't think ill of me," I said, so quietly that I could barely hear myself but that I knew he could hear perfectly. "I love Jacob, and I love Edward. How can someone love two people so much at the same time?" I started to cry, which frightened me. I didn't know how I had more tears left in me. He watched me for a moment.

"Do you want my honest opinion, or do you want a biased speech?" I looked at him through my tears, seeing him in a new light. He wasn't just kind, but he was wise, and he could see that I needed different advice than he had given to his other children in the past.

"Honest opinion," I choked out, wiping my face. He sighed.

"I never wanted Edward to turn you," he said. I stopped breathing. He wasn't looking at me anymore; his gaze was far away, watching the waves of the ocean. He sounded sad. "I've loved you as my own for so long, but I would never choose this life for you. You are so full of life, and you have so much to lose by joining our family. Edward will not admit to it, but I have told him this multiple times before, that I believe that turning you would be a poor choice. He is adamant, though, that he not lose you, and, until now, you've always insisted that you had to become one of us to truly be with him. I always hoped for the latter option, the option of life, for you." I sucked in a deep and shaky breath, waiting for more. He was silent, though, his eyes still far away. I was at a loss for words.

"Bella, I implore you, this decision is not one to make lightly." He was looking at me as he said this, his eyes searching mine, his expression pleading. "If any of my children had had an alternative, I would have done everything in my power to see to it. You have an alternative, and though it means that it would hurt Edward, I would rather have my son hurt than watch you become a vile creature like us." He pursed his lips again. In an instant, he had stepped forward and embraced me, his cold arms feeling oddly warm around me. I stood still, breaking.

"Whatever you choose, please, know that we will always be here for you," he whispered, his voice earnest but pained. "You deserve utter happiness, and if that is no longer with our family, then I hope that you find that happiness elsewhere." He pulled away, his eyes swimming with sadness. He took my hands and squeezed them gently. Then, faster than my eyes could see, he was back in his car and driving away. I blinked, dazed. I felt one fat raindrop hit my shoulder, and I rushed inside as the rain began to fall.

* * *

><p>I spent the remainder of my day in Jacob's room. He had visitors, all from the pack, checking up on him after his latest doctor visit. Quil was thrilled when Jake told him that he could leave the house again soon; Embry was ecstatic at the prospect of having Jake back out with the rest of the pack. Emily came, as well, bringing with her a large basket of her muffins covered with a damp towel from running in the rain from her car. She smiled when she saw me with Jake, and she pointedly looked at his hand on the small of my back, an unconscious move for him. She left me with her phone number and told me to call her when I got the chance. I tucked the piece of paper into my pocket for later, happy to have it.<p>

When the rain let up a little, I called Charlie, asking him to come get me. I needed to shower, I reasoned with Jake, and I needed to change into something clean. He kissed me, long and slow, before I left, making me promise to come back.

Charlie was beaming when he picked me up. He said that Edward had called three times already that day, asking whether or not I'd come home. Charlie took my silence to mean we were fighting, which he loved. I wished I could tell him what was about to happen, but I didn't want to worry him prematurely. Once I came home after telling Edward, he would have all the warning he needed.

I took a long shower when we were home, dragging out all of the routines to stay under the stream and think. I couldn't get Carlisle's words out of my head, and the implication of what he had said swam in front of my eyes. He wanted me to be happy, and he didn't want me to be a vampire. I didn't realize that I wanted his approval until I had it; it was a relief, at least, to have one of the Cullens on my side.

I walked out of the bathroom in a towel and went into my room, but I stopped short when I saw the cell phone on my bed. It was the same model that my previous phone had been, the one I'd destroyed, and there was a note underneath it. I picked up the note gingerly, afraid of what Edward would say.

_Bella,_

_I took the liberty of getting you a new phone. I know you needed one, and I was sure you would not get one yourself. I programmed my number into the contacts as well, so please call me when you see this._

_I love you,_

_Edward_

I crumpled the note like I crumpled my heart and threw it across the room. I sat down on my bed, tears coming again. I was amazed that I could still cry so much, and I was suddenly angry at myself for being so emotional. I rubbed my eyes hard and willed myself to stop crying. The phone rang, the ringtone tinkling and light; Alice must have seen me find it. I answered, afraid that he would come to Charlie's if I didn't.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Bella." His voice was unnaturally cool. I could tell he was angry. I didn't want to hear him upset; I didn't want to hear him at all. My chest throbbed.

"Edward," I replied, just as coolly. He was quiet for a moment.

"Will you come to my house tonight, or would you prefer it if I came to you?" he asked. I stiffened. I didn't know how to tell him that I was going to be with Jake again. I waited, hoping Alice would see me telling him and relay the information so that I didn't have to say it. The silence dragged. Either Alice wasn't seeing it, or he wanted to hear me say it. I sucked in a breath.

"I'm actually going to be staying with Jake again tonight," I said in a small voice. I covered my eyes with my other hand, unable to see through the swimming ache. He said nothing. Finally, the other line clicked off as he hung up on me. I curled up on my bed, trying to hold myself together. I could feel the other part of me, Edward's Bella, being torn away already, ripping my soul in half. I felt no tears come, just overwhelming grief. I lay in bed, bowed into myself, until I couldn't hear the crashing waves of pain in my head anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next two days, I spent as much time as I could at Jake's. Charlie was suspicious at first, but then he softened when I told him the lie that Jake needed me to help him out. Billy was more than content to let me take care of his son, glad for the break in monotony of Jake's pain and boredom. We kept busy, though, with as much as we could: I brought over a deck of cards and any automotive magazines that I could find. He loved the magazines, and when he read through them all, we played cards throughout the day. At night, we slept, curled into each other as best we could around the various braces that covered his body. I could see how happy he was, despite his pain, because I was there, and that was enough for him.

Edward was, admittedly, much more difficult to avoid. I tried to call him when Jake was asleep, either napping during the day or sleeping heavily at night, explaining in hushed tones that, no, I wouldn't be home for another day. He grew angrier and angrier, despite my careful pleading. He could tell that something was wrong, and he was upset that I wasn't being honest with him. I couldn't possibly tell him over the phone, though, and I wanted to tell him when I was ready.

The pain of losing him was expansive, spanning my entire brain. When I thought about telling him, it would swallow me, take me under, engulf me in swirling coils of dread. When I was with Jacob, the dread calmed, endless but still. But, if I had to leave Jacob's side for even a minute, I could feel the panic begin to overwhelm me, and it was all I could do to not crumple to the ground and succumb to the agony.

I thought of his beautiful face, twisted with anger at me for avoiding him. I thought of Alice, wonderful little Alice, and how upset she must be with me for hanging up on her and, consequently, ignoring her constant string of texts. I thought of Esme, her beautiful warm face, how disappointed she will be in me. And I thought of Carlisle, of what he had said to me, of the look in his eyes before he drove away. I was consumed with grief and loss. But at least I had Jacob to make me whole again.

On the third day, Carlisle returned. I was back at Charlie's preparing his breakfast, trying to make up for the missed dinners, when Jake called. His happiness was contagious, as he was finally going to be allowed to leave the house. I finished breakfast in a hurry, wanting to get to his house as soon as possible.

When I drove up in my wheezing truck, I saw him standing, for the first time in days, leaning against the door frame with the front door open wide with just a large black brace on his right arm. He grinned when he saw me pull up, and he walked carefully over to my door. I got out to meet him, not wanting him to walk too far. He scooped me up into a tight hug, holding me long enough to put the broken pieces of myself back together. I never wanted him to let go.

"I haven't been able to hug you since we were in the clearing," he said softly, burying his face into my hair. "I missed holding you." I sighed, pressing into him. He was strong, able.

"Did Carlisle say it was all right for you to leave the house?" I asked. He chuckled, his chest rumbling against my ear.

"He said I could walk, emphasis on the walk, around," he corrected. "Dr. Vamp said no running or phasing for another week or so." I broke away from him so that I could see his face. He was glowing.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to keep that temper of yours in check," I teased, smiling. He shook his head, grabbing my hand. He led me, very slowly compared to his normal pace, down to the beach. We were quiet, walking along amongst the rocks. It was a comfortable silence, one of knowing someone so well and one of ease.

"How are you feeling?" I asked. I glanced at the brace around his elbow, holding his arm straight. He shrugged.

"I feel a lot better than before," he said, swinging my hand a little. "I'm just glad I could get out of that house! I was starting to get cabin fever in there!" I laughed, light and happy. The sound surprised me, pushing into my empty crevices, filling me.

We walked all the way to Emily's, the same walk that I had made a few days before. She was there with Sam and almost the entire pack, with just Leah missing. The boys were elated, jumping around with huge grins stretching across their copper skin, pushing Jake for information on when he could finally run with them again. He was in a great mood, surrounded by his brothers again. He held my hand tightly, not letting me go. I felt like part of a family, my La Push family.

It didn't take long for one of them to notice my hand in Jacob's, as Seth stared at me with an odd expression. I smiled back, trying to look comfortable and calm. He cocked his head to the side and stared.

"What about Edward?" he asked. Suddenly, all conversation stopped. Everyone turned to look at me, their eyes falling to my hand in Jake's massive grip. Jake squeezed my hand, comforting me; he knew I hated attention. I looked down at my feet, embarrassed. Jake, though, was buzzing with happiness, and his fingers twitched around mine.

"She's a wolf girl now," he said, beaming at Seth. The boys all grinned again, and then the questions started, shouting and yelling and whistling. Everyone was talking amongst each other, except for Seth. He stood in front of me, so young, and took my other hand. He smiled.

"I'm glad you're here," he said quietly. I returned his smile. After what had happened in the clearing, I knew he would be happy to have me as part of the wolves.

* * *

><p>"You know you're going to have to tell him," Jake said, eyeing me. We had wandered back down to the beach, finding our familiar white tree and sitting together, his arm around me, my head nestled into his shoulder. I had my phone in my hand, turning it around and around absently, watching the waves. I looked down at it, gripping it so tight that my knuckles turned white.<p>

"I'm not ready," I said, almost imperceptibly. He looked back out at the water. It was an overcast day, but it wasn't raining. The water was cold and grey under the clouds.

"Would it help if I was there?" he asked. I blanched, shaking my head so fast that I felt my brain rattling around. I tried to rein in my alarm.

"Absolutely not," I managed, my tongue feeling too big for my mouth. "I can't imagine what he would do to you." Jake laughed, the loud sound bouncing around the quiet beach. He rubbed my waist, where his hand was sitting.

"I'd love to see him try and hit me," he said mockingly.

"I wouldn't!" I almost screamed at him. "The last thing that I want is a fight when you're already hurt!" Jake rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine," he complained, but when I looked pointedly at his brace, he pursed his lips together.

"I don't want you going anywhere near any of them, okay? You have to promise me that you'll stay here." He fluttered his free hand in the air.

"Sure, sure," he said nonchalantly. I relaxed back into him, closing my eyes. His warmth was so comforting. He kissed the top of my head, leaving his lips against my hair.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm not with you all the way," I said quietly, not moving my head to see his expression. "I want you to know that I can do this for you. I'm just afraid." Jake picked his head up slowly.

"I already know that you're with me, Bells," he said, and I could hear the smile in his face. "I still can't believe that you picked me. And I know you'll tell him in your own time. Remember how long it took you to finally realize that you loved me? You always take things slow." I elbowed him gently in the ribs, though I doubt he felt it. His laugh rumbled in his chest.

We sat in silence then. I tried to think about what Edward would do when I finally met with him. Maybe he had already heard it from Carlisle. He could already be fuming. Or, maybe, he wouldn't be mad at all; he always said he would respect my decision, if I ever chose Jacob over him. Maybe he could be civilized. Maybe, when I told him, he could hide his pain long enough to escape where I couldn't see his face, see the anger and pain there behind his eyes. I knew, if I had to watch the agony bloom across his features, that it would be impossible to leave. I could never watch the hurt I was causing find a place of permanent anguish on his beautiful face.

Jake and I walked back to his house, but he was tired of being inside so we went to his garage. He wasn't supposed to do any heavy lifting or mechanic work, but just being amongst his tools seemed to brighten his mood. We settled in, him in a chair that I dragged from the house and me on the floor in front of him. I asked him to tell me about his part of the fight, as I'd never asked. I was curious to hear, from a wolf's perspective, what happened.

"So I ran as fast as I could to the clearing when I left you, and I got there before the action started," he began, getting animated. I settled in, propping myself up on my hands behind me. "We waited around for a little, only a few minutes, before we could sense them coming. The group broke off, so we got one half, maybe ten or so, and their eyes were this horrible red and it was disgusting. I managed to get a mouthful of one of them with Paul, and Sam and Leah got another one. They were all so confused, it was great. We started pushing them to the clearing for your vamps to help, and it was working-"

My phone rang then, tinny and tinkling as ever. I pulled it out of my pocket and stared as Edward's name shone out on the front. I moaned, unable to comprehend my pain, unable to cope. I looked up at Jacob and he motioned for me to answer it, his eyes pained. I grabbed his hand and flipped the phone open.

"Hello?" I said, my voice impossibly small, my pain so audible. I felt like a child.

"Bella," he breathed. He sounded amazed that I had answered. "I need to see you. We should discuss things." I looked to Jacob helplessly, and he smiled in encouragement. I took a steadying breath.

"Where-" I asked. I meant to say more, but my voice choked off with a snap. I had no idea how to tell him. I was floating, my world an endless torture. He thought for a second.

"I can meet you at your house," he said evenly. His voice, unlike mine, betrayed nothing. "Charlie is at work, I believe?"

"Yeah, he's gone," I said, still struggling. My fingers ached to touch his face, to feel his marble skin against mine.

"I'll be there in an hour," he answered. The phone clicked off. I could barely see, the pain filling my eyes, my arms, my chest. I ached with the pain of loss for so many things. Jacob took the phone out of my hand and shut it. He climbed onto the floor with me, wrapping himself around me. I cried into his chest, and he rubbed circles my back. The world grew hazy, but on I cried, sobbing for what lay ahead.

* * *

><p>His car was parked neatly out front of Charlie's, and when I pulled up, I couldn't see him anywhere. I couldn't tell if he was sitting in his car or somewhere in the house. I parked my truck, the engine gasping, and got out. He still hadn't come to me, and I knew he was in my room. I could picture him sitting on the edge of my bed, his face passive, his god-like features unreadable. I tried to calm myself down, but it wasn't helping. I bit my lip and went inside.<p>

That was exactly how I found him, my room paling in comparison to his presence. He was watching me as I walked in. He smiled, a mere shadow of my favorite crooked smile. It ripped through me like a bullet, and I wrapped an arm around my waist, hoping to hold in the ache.

"Hi, Edward," I spoke, wavering. I sounded as nervous as I felt.

"Bella," he said, standing. He wrapped me into his arms, his cool skin sending chills down my spine after so long with Jacob's warmth. I pinned my arms to my side, resisting the urge to wrap them around him and never let go. He stepped back, watching me. I wanted to sink into the floor.

"We need to talk," I said, hating the way it sounded. A look of worry crossed his features for a split second, so quickly that I thought I had imagined it.

"I'm only here to help," he said, his voice soft as velvet. "Please, just tell me what happened." I looked into his golden eyes and felt my heart shattering. I would never kiss him again, never feel his touch against me. I would never be part of his family, never become what he was. I couldn't look at him when I said it; I turned away, shutting my eyes.

"I picked Jake," I said, my tone flat, defeated. I couldn't bear to look at him. I had no idea how he was reacting. I didn't want to explain, didn't want to discuss. He was silent, and I was breaking.

"Oh, Bella," he said softly, his arms wrapping around my shoulders. I stiffened as his skin burned like an iron, the contact toxic. "I know that Jacob needs you. I don't hold that against you at all, love. I know that you're just helping him. Once he has recovered, this business with Victoria will all be behind us, and we can move on with our lives." I saw the tears hitting my jeans before I felt them falling. My head rocketed with vertigo. I felt like I would be sick.

"Edward, you don't understand," I said, almost angry. I hadn't wanted it to be this difficult; I knew how he felt, now, leaving me alone in the woods an eternity ago. "I'm picking Jacob. Forever." His arms slid away from me like whips, tearing flesh and bone, my body ripping apart. I remembered the tent from the ridge, the tent Edward shredded when Victoria caught his scent, and I felt just like that: my body shredding, my pieces floating away.

He was absolutely silent. I finally glanced up at him, and I immediately wished I hadn't. In his eyes was the agony I had dreaded seeing; he looked like he was burning alive from the inside, like his body was tearing. The pain I felt was now his, too. We shared in our common torture, both of us burning.

I reached for his hand, but he pulled away, suddenly standing in front of the window, his movement instantaneous. I felt the sobs being to wrack my body with pain, and I almost doubled over with the pain of watching him. I reached out for him, my hand unconsciously grasping for his familiarity, for the comfort that his touch brought me. I couldn't stop the pain now, couldn't control the torrential outpouring of the idea of losing him.

He gently walked back to me, his expression a mask of cool calmness. So gently, so carefully, he bent down to kiss my forehead. I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent, reveling in the quiet beauty of the moment. He pulled away, and when I opened my eyes, he was gone.

I gave up, letting the carefully constructed stilts that held me together crumble. I crumbled with them.

* * *

><p>I lost all track of time. Something as meaningless as the dragging seconds, minutes, hours, did not interest me. I was afloat in an endless sea, my pain crashing over me in waves, suffocating. At one point, Charlie came home from work and heard me, lost in hysteria. He immediately called Jacob and retreated downstairs, terrified of my overwhelming reaction. And then, Jake was there, lifting me gingerly into his lap, curling his legs under me to hold me there with him. I knew, then, that I wasn't alone, and that every stab of pain that I felt would be accompanied with a blossom of hope. Jake, huge and encompassing, swallowed me into his warmth, his arms comforting and strong.<p>

I cried for hours, long into the night. Jacob stayed with me, never leaving me even when the sobs turned to empty dry heaving, my body contracting as it collapsed in on itself. He rubbed my back, my arms, my hair. His body heat was wonderful against the agonizing cold that ripped through me, my shivers combated by his radiating warmth. He talked to me softly, telling me stories about his life in La Push before I moved back to Forks. I could barely hear over the screaming trains in my ears, but his voice, the rumbling of his chest, the rise and fall of his tone, were welcome.

I collapsed into sleep without knowing when. I was still lost, swallowed by grief, and my dreams were full of pain: Edward's furious face snarling, Edward's pained face burning, Edward's beautiful embrace stinging. I woke in frenzied fits, terrified, not knowing where I was. But Jacob stayed, cradling me, and his presence reassured me back to sleep and back to restless dreams.

When daybreak finally shone through my window, the weather had cleared up; the sun glimmered off of the glass in beautiful sparkles. I awoke, feeling more tired than before, and turned over to see Jacob, lying on his back, his face peaceful. I didn't want to wake him, and I slid out of bed as carefully as I could. I walked into the bathroom, avoiding the mirror. I didn't want to see myself broken.

I took a shower, letting the hot water steam up the entire bathroom before I got out. I was numb; the morning had brought with it a sense of dull ache, pushing the pain to the back of my mind rather than the forefront. I hurt, I throbbed, but I was no longer ripping apart. My pieces of myself, Edward's Bella and Jacob's Bella, had already separated. Rather than the searing pain of the tear, I was left with the emptiness of abandon, the loss of not only my family but myself. I felt lost, a stranger in my own skin.

Jacob was awake when I went back to my room, sitting up on the bed waiting for me. He was huge, taking up almost the entire bed. His expression was a mix of worry and comfort, afraid I would cry again but there to help me if I did. He rubbed his eyes, wincing as he twisted his arm brace the wrong way.

"Did the shower help?" he asked, watching me. I didn't move from the doorway, afraid that touching him would bring on a round of fresh guilt. I nodded slowly.

"How's your arm?" I asked, noticing how he placed it very precariously and very gently back into his lap. He glanced down at it.

"I'm fine," he said easily, brushing me off. "I've had worse." I smiled lightly. He grinned in response. He stood and walked over to me carefully, gauging my reaction. I held out my hand to him, and he took it in his immense grip. I instantly felt more whole; Jacob filled up that missing part of myself with his radiance. I squeezed his fingers, basking in the feeling. He was my sun, and I orbited around him in a dance, engulfed by him. The ache, dulled but throbbing, was pale in comparison to the love I felt for him, my Jacob.

* * *

><p>Weeks passed this way. Jacob and I spent most of our days together, either down on the reservation or in Forks. We were elated when he was given the clearance to phase again, though I avoided that doctor's visit; I couldn't bring myself to face Carlisle. He showed me, alone in the woods, what it looked like when he phased, free from fear or tension. It was beautiful watching him change; he closed his eyes in slight concentration, his eyebrows pulled together, and his body would vibrate like he was shivering violently until a wolf suddenly burst forth from inside of him, beautiful and graceful. Jacob's wolf was fascinating, and he let me walk around him in circles, taking him in, while he sat proudly like a show dog, head held high. I learned how he communicated as a wolf, pulling his lips over his teeth to grin, ducking his head to show comfort, shaking his head or nodding for yes-or-no questions. He was amazing.<p>

I spent time with my friends, too. Angela and Ben were preparing to leave for school in the fall, and I wanted to spend time with them before they did. I found that I could hold myself together around Angela, the edges of my pain shimmering dangerously without Jacob but still under control. She asked about Edward, and with every effort in me not to give away too much, I admitted that I had realized that I loved Jacob more. She was happy for me, a true friend. Ben, of course, was just as supportive, following along with Angela. It was great to be able to see them without the looming threat of having to say goodbye.

Charlie was amazed at Jake's speedy recovery, and so Jake had to hide his now-fully-healed arm in a sling whenever Charlie was around. It was inconvenient but necessary. Charlie was also aware that something had happened between me and Edward, as he saw Jake and I grow closer. He didn't pry, but his questioning eyes whenever I came home from another day in La Push were obvious. I brushed it off, chocking it up to wanting to help him while he was still recovering, but as the days passed, Charlie bought that less and less. That, along with my nightly ritual, was tipping him off.

Every night, I still cried, still sobbed, still ached. It was the nights that hurt the most, the nights I used to spend with Edward lying beside me. Jacob was there instead, sneaking in after Charlie was asleep, sometimes catching me before the sobs began, sometimes not. But, he was always there. Every night, he held me together, keeping me in one mangled piece. I could manage to put on a façade of fine-just-fine during the day, but at night those walls came crashing down. I was still broken, still aching, and though Jacob was there, I still hurt.

The Cullens didn't stay long after Jacob no longer needed a doctor. The phone that Edward had given me rang occasionally, always Alice. She didn't understand, and though I tried to explain, she was still unable to comprehend that I would ever want to leave her brother willingly. At first, she thought Jake was doing it, forcing me to leave Edward for threat of breaking the treaty if he changed me. Then, she was convinced I would change my mind back, and so she managed to keep her family in Forks a little while longer to wait until I did. After she realized I was serious, she settled into a dejected unhappiness, somewhere between betrayal and rejection. Her phone calls were short, updating me on the progress of their movements: leaving the house in Forks, moving up to Alaska to live with the Denali coven, Edward leaving to go off on his own. Alice missed me; I could hear it in her voice. I pleaded with her to come back to see me, but she said she didn't think it was a good idea. She was hurt that I had chosen a life outside of her family, too.

I missed Edward. This time, he didn't take anything that reminded me of him, and I was left with little memories everywhere: the diamond heart dangling from my charm bracelet beside Jacob's wolf, the pictures that I had refastened into my scrapbook, the CD with my lullaby. He had, of course, taken his ring with him, and I felt oddly naked without it, though I never wore it for more than a few minutes. My choosing Jacob made it obvious that that route was no longer an option.

I felt like I was floating through life. I was unsure of whether I could possibly escape from my own misery. Jacob made me happy, as did his brothers' easy acceptance of me, and I loved not having to say goodbye to Charlie or Renee. Still, something nagged at me. It was the little movements that I saw out of the corner of my eye. It was the flash of white that I saw in the trees when Jacob would run with me as a wolf. It was the edgy feeling of being watched when I sat in my room at night waiting for Jake to come. I felt safe with him around, felt secure in his grasp, but when I was alone, I was uneasy. I didn't know if it was my loss haunting me, or something worse.


	4. Chapter 4

"Bella!"

I looked up from my book, _Wuthering Heights_, to see Jacob bounding over to me, a huge grin on his face. It was infectious; I grinned back.

"Did you have fun with Paul?" I teased, putting my bookmark in and setting the book down on the little table in Jacob's yard. I had found the set, two old chairs and a tiny table, at a yard sale, and I bought them for his house because I loved sitting outside with the bracing breeze from the ocean washing over me. It was calming.

"Ha ha," he said, rolling his eyes. He leaned down to kiss me, his lips meeting mine perfectly. We fit together like a matched set, knowing how each other's lips moved in sync. I breathed in his woodsy smell and felt dizzy. He pulled back, still beaming. "Paul wishes he had as much fun as we do." I laughed, and he sat beside me. He grabbed my hand, our arms dangling in the space between the chairs.

"Has Quil gotten faster than you yet?" I asked, watching him. He was glistening with a slight sheen of sweat from running.

"Hell, no!" he laughed, his head lolling to the side to look at me. "Nobody is faster than me!" I rolled my eyes.

"Sure, sure," I said. He squeezed my hand. "There's still a few hours left until sunset. Did you want to do anything else?" He perked up.

"Actually, yeah, there is," he said. I looked at him questioningly, but he smirked silently back. "Come on." He tugged me up, keeping my hand in his, and we walked into the forest. When we were deep enough, he stopped, letting go of my hand. I turned instinctively, knowing he was going to phase, so that he could have the privacy of taking off his shorts. When he phased, the air shimmered slightly, and I turned around to face my favorite red-brown wolf. He pulled his lips back in a grin, dipping his head so I could touch his muzzle.

He made a soft barking kind of sound, and then he bounded off into the trees, sniffing the ground. It looked like he was searching for something. I stood patiently, watching him. He came back with a large stick held in his mouth, and he trotted over to where I stood. He placed it gently down onto the ground in front of me, nudging it a little with his nose. When he was satisfied, he went back for another stick. He did this until he had laid down enough sticks to spell out a word, a sloppy 'hey' in the grass. I laughed, peals of giggling that rang through the forest. He sat in front of me, head tilted, exuding happiness.

"Nice trick, Jake," I applauded, reaching out for his head again. Before I could touch him, though, a low ripping snarl emerged from the forest behind us. I froze, and instantaneously, Jake was crouched down to attack. I tried to shrink into myself, terrified of what I had heard. It was not a wolf; it sounded more like an angry mountain lion. Jake shook his head slightly, encouraging me to run back to his house. I couldn't move, couldn't leave him. If it was an animal, he could get hurt. If it was something else…

He growled, the vicious sound tearing from deep inside him, and I was terrified. His tail flicked to the left, and I warily followed his motion. From the trees emerged two more wolves, one smaller and grey (Embry) and the other dark brown (Quil). I instantly felt myself relax. Beside them, Paul was in human form, walking in a pair of black shorts and looking around wildly. Jacob growled deeply, and Paul looked right at me.

"I'm taking you to Emily's," he said, "and they'll find whatever this is." I nodded numbly, reaching out to touch the fur on Jacob's back. He twitched under my hand. Paul ran over to me and scooped me up in his arms. While Jake, Quil, and Embry ran off deeper into the forest, Paul jogged with me in the other direction to Emily's.

I was petrified. Normally, animal noises didn't scare me. When Jake and I would go out running, sometimes we heard bears roaring, but with him, I felt safe. This noise, though was something else entirely. It was familiar in a way, but I couldn't place it. The sound sent shivers rolling down my spine despite Paul's warmth, so similar to Jacob's. He ran in silence, barely jostling me. I wondered where Jacob was, what he had found.

When we got to Emily's, Paul put me down gently, holding my shoulder to make sure that I was steady before letting go. I glanced up at him, and he was looking down at me in the strangest way. I ignored it.

"Thank you, Paul," I said, smiling at him. He smiled back, but that odd look was still in his eyes. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he went inside ahead of me before I could. I followed him in.

We only had to wait about fifteen minutes before Jake threw the front door open. He only had eyes for me; he immediately locked onto me and rushed over, pulling me into a crushing hug.

"Jake," I spluttered. "Air!" He loosened his grip, but he didn't let go. He kissed the top of my head, quietly moving me back and forth. The door opened again, and Sam came in with Quil and Embry following behind. He gave Emily a quick peck on the cheek before turning back to me.

"We searched the woods, but we couldn't find anything," he reported, watching me. "The sound was no doubt a vampire, but we found nothing besides the Cullens' old scents." I was petrified. If Jake hadn't been holding me, I would surely have collapsed. I knew that this would never be perfect. The Volturi had come for me. Victoria had sent a friend to finish the job. I was trying not to hyperventilate.

"Shh, honey, it's okay," Jake whispered, running his hands through my hair. I tried to calm down, but I couldn't find my resolve. I glanced up at Jacob, and the fear in my eyes was enough for him to pick me up gently and take me outside. Once away from the rest of the pack, I let myself fall apart. I fell to the ground, my knees scraping against the dirt, and breathed so heavily that I couldn't tell if air was even getting into my lungs. Jake picked me up and held me vertically against his chest, my arms around his neck. He was so tall that my feet didn't come close to touching the ground.

"It's all right, you're all right," he repeated, his voice low and in my ear. I listened to it and let it relax me. I slowed my breathing down and focused on the even rising and falling of his chest. I tried to match his breathing, and it worked. I felt better.

"Jake, I'll never be safe," I said quietly, glad that his arms were still around me to hold me against the fresh wave of panic that splintered through me. He shook his head violently.

"You are absolutely safe with us, Bells," he said definitively. "We'll protect you from anything that might be out there." I felt jittery, and I squirmed out of Jacob's embrace. I set my feet down on the ground and began to pace.

"Sam said that you could only smell the Cullens," I said, my mind whirling, "which is weird because any vampire would leave a scent. And that was way too loud of a sound to have been very far away. No, it was definitely right behind us. So why could you not tell who it was? I just don't-" Jacob pressed his lips to mine, cutting me off mid-sentence. I was surprised by the sudden contact, my feet still wanting to pace back and forth but my face held tightly in Jacob's grip.

"Please slow down," he said, breaking away and leaning his forehead against mine. Our noses skimmed each other lightly. "You're going to give yourself a heart attack worrying like this."

"But Jake, how can I not worry?" I cried, throwing my hands up and starting to pace again. "Something, a vampire of all things, is after me again! This is never going to stop! I'll have to run for the rest of my life and somehow one of them will still get me!" I stopped, covering my face with my hands, still shaking. Jake stood a foot away, watching me. I took a few deep breaths, trying to compose myself. He reached out a hand, waiting for me to take it. When I did, I instantly felt better. It was like his calmness flowed out of his hands and into me. I felt my tense muscles begin to unwind.

"We'll figure it out," he said, smiling. I couldn't return the smile, but I held his hand tightly anyway.

* * *

><p>"We have no reason to believe that it was here for you, but Jake has graciously volunteered to watch over you tonight," Sam said back inside his house, a hint of sarcasm peppering his words. I rolled my eyes at him.<p>

"I'll scout out the woods tonight," Paul piped up, standing from the chair he had sunken into earlier. "If I catch even a whiff of a new vamp, I'll let you know." Sam nodded.

"That takes care of it all, then," he said, a note of finality in his voice. "Jacob, why don't you take Bella home? It's getting late." He agreed, and we left quietly.

He drove my truck while I sat in the passenger's seat, curled up beside him. I felt better, knowing that he was there. I was so curious, trying to figure out what had snuck up on us earlier. How had Jake not heard it? Why didn't it leave a trail for them to follow? The questions swirled in my head and blocked out the panic, at least temporarily, as I wondered. We were parked in front of Charlie's house before I had time to worry. He cut the engine and stared at me, his eyes unfathomable.

"What?" I demanded. He shook his head, his usual bouncy demeanor returning.

"Nothing," he lied. I wanted to call him out on it, but I didn't want to push him. "I was just thinking about how annoying it is to have to sneak in and out of your house every night." I narrowed my eyes. This hadn't been where I thought his train of thought was leading.

"Well, then stop coming," I challenged, petulant. He rolled his eyes at me.

"That's not what I meant," he snapped back. "I meant that I wish I didn't have to sneak, emphasis on the 'sneak'." I thought about it for a second. I'd graduated high school, and at 18, it wasn't unheard of to live on my own. That had been my plan, before life with Jacob had gotten in the way.

"I didn't realize it bothered you," I admitted, looking at my hands. He cupped my chin and pulled it up to face him. His smile was radiant, beautiful; it reflected off the copper in his skin like silk.

"It was just a thought, honey," he said, running his hand along my jaw. I closed my eyes, leaning slightly into his touch. The warmth was soothing.

"Will I see you tonight?" I asked. He laughed, throwing his head back. I was, apparently, hilarious.

"Don't you remember what Sam said?" he reminded me. "I volunteered to keep watch on you tonight." He leaned over and kissed me, sending a wave of joy down to my toes. We got out of the truck

"I'll see you in a few hours," he called, walking into the woods towards La Push. I saw a flash of his vast shoulders before he disappeared. I went inside, made small talk with Charlie about Jacob's progress (played down for his benefit), and went up to my room. I flopped onto my bed, stretching my fingers out to occupy the entire space. I fished my phone out of my pocket and hit one of the numbers on my speed dial, the only one I ever called. It only rang once before her beautiful voice was suddenly angry with me.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" she chided. I breathed, reveling in the gracefulness of Alice's voice. It had been a few days since I'd last called her, and she was obviously upset. "I am not happy with you right now!" I sighed, cupping the phone.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I apologized, hoping that I sounded remorseful. "I've been really busy here, and now that Jake can run again, he's been spending a lot of time with the pack and I've been holding down the fort." She made a tiny sound of annoyance.

"So while he's gone, and you have more than ample time to call your best friend, you'd rather ignore my texts?" she asked, still upset. I cursed internally for mentioning how often he was gone.

"I won't let it happen again," I allowed. It was the best I could do, under the circumstances. "I'll call you every night." She laughed.

"How's everything with the pups?" she asked, and I could hear music playing in the background. I wondered where she was.

"Everyone's fine," I replied, staring at my ceiling. "Leah has been gone for…almost two weeks now, though."

"She still won't come back?" Alice asked in amazement. "I would never have imagined that she could stay away for this long. What about her mom? What about Seth?"

"She's just being selfish, now that Sam and Emily's wedding is coming up."

"Well, she shouldn't worry everyone else because she's upset." Alice, always the selfless one. I smiled at her voice. It really was great to talk to her.

"Tell me about Denali. How's the Alaskan summer?"

"That's what I've been trying to talk to you about!" she sang, her voice dipping like a melody. "We left Denali. We're trying our luck on the east coast."

"Where?"

"Maine." I felt a pang at the thought. She was so far away. I missed her terribly, though I tried to never let it show, especially not to her. "It's a small fishing town right on the water. It's beautiful, but it's too sunny for my taste." I smiled.

"You know, you can be honest and finally admit that you miss Forks," I teased. She was quiet for a moment.

"Of course we miss Forks," she said quietly. I was suddenly aching, the loss of my family opening the hole in my chest wide. "But Carlisle didn't want to put Edward through that anymore." Another stab of pain with his name. I could see his face, pleading with Carlisle to leave Forks, begging him to get away from me, from the pain that we shared.

"I thought he wasn't with you all anymore," I said, less of a question than a statement. "Without him, you can move back, and he would be fine on his own. It's not the same without you here." I immediately regretted the slip as soon as it was out; admitting my pain to Alice was absolutely forbidden, a terrible crime. I hated to have her know how I missed them. I didn't want her to know that I wasn't fine-just-fine.

"Bella," she said softly, her voice trailing over what she couldn't bear to say.

"Let's talk about something else," I said quickly, trying to change the subject. "Apparently, there was a vampire in La Push today." I knew I would get her attention with that. She was almost screeching.

"Bella, why didn't you call me immediately?" she cried, her voice so high that it hurt my ears. "I can't believe that you went an entire conversation without mentioning that! What did the wolves find? Was there any trace?" Her words blended together, suddenly too fast for me to make out. I waited for her to stop before interrupting.

"Alice, that's why I was calling you," I said, trying to sound calm. "I just didn't want to get you worked up."

"Too late for that, Bella!" she shrieked. I heard her put her hand over the phone and begin speaking, far too fast to make out the words. I tried to call her name back into the phone to get her attention, but she wasn't listening. I could tell, from the murmurs of other voices, that she was telling her family about the visitor. The phone crackled for a moment.

"Hello, Bella," Carlisle said smoothly. I had to wrap my arms around my torso to stop the pain from tearing at me.

"Hi, Carlisle," I answered, in what I hoped was a composed tone.

"Did the wolves smell anything distinctive?" he asked. "If there is any chance that it was a member of the Volturi, we'd have to return to help smooth over the situation." I sighed, rubbing my forehead. I was afraid of this kind of reaction, with Alice giving me no time to explain.

"Do you mind if I tell you what happened before you all make plans to run back over here? I don't think it's the Volturi, but I'm still not sure who it could be."

"Of course," Carlisle said, relaxing. "Go ahead."

"Jacob and I were in the forest, and we heard this awful…snarl, is the best way I can explain it. So he and a few of the other wolves went to figure out what it was, because they said it was a sound that only a vampire could make. But when they came back, they said they found nothing besides your old trails. We were all really confused. I think Sam thinks we imagined things, although he was too nice to admit it to our faces." Carlisle was quiet for a moment, a contemplative silence.

"And they were sure that there were no scent trails besides ours? I've never heard of a vampire who left no scent…" He trailed off, still thinking. I heard his voice talking to someone on the other end of the line, his tone soothing and reassuring.

"If you wanted, I could have Jake call you and explain everything for himself," I suggested.

"If it's not too much trouble," Carlisle answered immediately. "I would appreciate hearing the story from him, as he was one of the wolves who followed the sound." I heard Alice's light voice on the other end, and Carlisle chuckled. "Alice would like to speak to you again." I smiled.

"It was really great to hear from you," I said, hoping that I wasn't overstepping by admitting it to him. I missed Carlisle, with his calming presence and wisdom, more than I had thought I would.

"I very much enjoy hearing that you are doing well, Bella," he said, sounding so suddenly sad that it nearly snapped my heart in half. I had to compose myself before I could put the phone back to my ear.

"Bella, I just can't believe that your life is so interesting without us!" she was saying, exasperated. "The most that we've done here is learned how to fish!" The thought of Emmett, huge and impatient, sitting quietly with a fishing pole was enough to set me off, and I was laughing with Alice, her laugh twinkling.

"It is odd, though," she said pensively. "Perhaps he could have hidden in one of our old scent trails? But surely the wolves would have been able to smell an unfamiliar scent among familiar ones."

"I'm not sure, Alice."

"In any case, I'm glad you're safe. Knowing that you have Jacob puts me at ease when I worry about how many ways you could kill yourself." I rolled my eyes, and we were both quiet. She knew what was coming, and though I could barely bring myself to say the words, I always asked, every time.

"So," I said quietly. The torrential downpour of pain inside of me picked up, preparing. "Have you heard from Edward?" I set it off; the fire that was so often held at bay began to consume me. I was aflame, aching in every inch of myself. I wanted to rip myself out of my skin, if only to stop the burning.

"He's well," she replied, her typical answer. "Although…" The silence that came after that was heavy. I ached to know more, wanted some snippet of information that would tell me how he was, but I was afraid of how it would hurt.

"What?" I braced myself.

"Something strange happened the other day. His future suddenly disappeared." I felt my breath hitch in my throat, so tight that I felt lightheaded. I instantly felt tears spring into my eyes. If his future disappeared, he was gone. Alice heard my change and immediately put on a soothing voice. "Bella, he's fine. He's all right. I spoke with him just yesterday. Everything is fine." I tried so hard to compose myself, lying down on my side, curling my legs up in front of me. I willed her to continue, and my silence prompted her.

"He's been gone for a few weeks, but that you knew. He was in Europe until about a week ago. Then, I saw him coming back to the states. When his plane landed in Los Angeles – at night, of course – his future suddenly disappeared. I hadn't been watching him closely, but when he vanished, I was terrified. I called him immediately, and he answered like it was any other day. He had no idea why I couldn't see him, but he assured me he was fine and just trying to keep himself occupied by travelling. It frightened me, Bella. Perhaps my visions are fading…" She grew quiet, but I couldn't answer. My mouth was so dry that I could barely move my tongue.

"He's in California?" I managed, trying to keep my voice calm. She made a noise of agreement, careful to estimate my reaction.

"Would you be opposed to me coming back to Forks?" she asked suddenly. "I'm still worried about this vampire you and Jacob heard. I want to investigate for myself, if that's all right."

"Alice of course!" I cried. The hole in my chest closed up, and I was suddenly bouncing around my room. The thought of seeing Alice again was wonderful. "I would be so happy if you came! Jake won't mind, he always liked you, and you could stay for a few days and god Alice I miss you so much and-"

"Bella, take a breath," she said, laughing. "I'll be there by tomorrow afternoon." I relaxed instantly, calmed by the thought of her coming, really truly coming. I hadn't seen her in what felt like years.

"Call me when you land," I said, joyous.

"To think that I would fly when I could instead drive my Porsche is madness!" she said, a smile in her voice. I sighed happily.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Alice," I breathed.

"Stay out of trouble until I can get there," she teased, and then she was gone. I held the phone gently, impatiently waiting for the next day.

* * *

><p>"What's got you in such a good mood?" Jacob asked, sitting on my bed with an old novel in his hands. Summer reading homework, he had said with a grimace.<p>

"Alice is coming to visit tomorrow," I sang, still elated. I couldn't sit still; I bounced around my room, putting away clothing and tidying anything that was out of place. He watched me silently.

"Is…is she bringing anyone with her?" I stopped, turning to face him. It was obvious what he was asking. I appreciated that he avoided the direct question, knowing the pain his name caused me.

"She's coming alone," I answered softly. "She wanted to take a look at the woods where we heard the vampire, if that's all right with Sam."

"He shouldn't have a problem with it," he said. "Though I think he thinks we were both hearing things."

"I knew it!" I cried, pointing at him. "I said the same thing to Alice!" He chuckled, playing with the pages on the book that he hadn't opened since he arrived.

"How are the rest of the blood- I mean Cullens?" he amended, shying away from my glare at his condescending term for them.

"They're good," I said. "I talked to Carlisle, which was nice."

"I was hoping to talk to him before he left, but I never got the chance," Jake said, almost regrettably. "I never really thanked him."

"Oh, that reminds me," I said, turning back from my bookshelf. "Carlisle actually wanted you to call him. He wanted to hear the story from you." Jacob smiled and I tossed my phone to him. "He should be in the contacts," I said, but Jake already had the tiny phone to his ear.

"Hi Carlisle, it's Jacob Black," he said kindly. "It's great to finally talk to you again. I wanted to say thanks again for how much you helped me out after the big fight. You were great, for both me and the rest of the pack…" His voice faded away as I tuned him out. I was too focused on reorganizing my room for Alice's arrival.

My mind drifted back to the snarl in the woods. I tried to remember exactly what it sounded like; at the time, its familiarity had terrified me more than the thought of the unknown. Where had I heard the sound before? I still couldn't place it. I was too distracted, admittedly, with Alice's revelation that Edward was so close. All this time I had believed him to be thousands of miles away. In reality, he was only a few states from me.

I yearned for him, and though I couldn't admit it to Jacob or even Alice, I could let the desire for him spill from me in the privacy of my own thoughts. I was always safer inside of myself, where I could keep the pain secured. In my head, I was free to crave his touch, his cool skin, his breathtaking kiss. I was incomplete without him; but, then again, I would be incomplete without Jacob, as well. It was a horrible trade-off, having to choose one over the other, and after trying so hard to resist him for so long, I let him in. His face, his memory, flooded me at night. I heard him in the whisper of the wind outside. I felt him in the cool breeze from my open window. I saw him in the few pictures I had of him, looking at them hungrily when Jacob fell asleep each night. I no longer cried at night. Rather, I broke down and spent my nights with him.

My days with Jacob; my nights with Edward. I was torturing myself.

"Bells!" Jacob said, dragging out the word. I shook my head, freeing myself from the fantasy, and turned back to him. He was holding out my phone for me. I tucked securely back into my pocket.

"What did Carlisle think?" I asked, only half curious.

"Probably the same thing he told you," he said, reclining back into my bed. He tucked his hands behind his head, getting comfortable. I was still lost in my world with Edward, and unthinking, I floated back to organizing my closet.

"Alice told me the strangest thing," I said. I didn't realize I was about to say it until it was already out. "She said that she couldn't see Edward anymore in her visions. She said his future just…disappeared." I heard the low grunt that emanated from Jake's throat, but I couldn't focus on him. I was disgusted with myself; how had I brought that up in front of him? My chest ached.

"I thought that only happened around the wolves," he said gruffly. He rolled over, the bed springs creaking. He mumbled something that I couldn't hear. Suddenly, my mind was a hundred miles from my room, roving through my own memories and finally remembering the snarl from the woods.

Edward's future disappearing, the wolves only being able to smell the Cullens' trails…it all finally made sense. The lost memory, hazy from sleep and surprise, was suddenly clear: the peak, Edward and Jacob, Jake rolling on top of me by accident, Edward throwing him off, the snarls ripping from his chest. Low, ripping snarling. The noise from the forest and the noise from the peak were the same.

I was floating, lost, gone.

Edward?


	5. Chapter 5

The night dragged with the pain of a thousand years of waiting. I was sure that Edward was the one who had been in the forest, watching us. His scent, so familiar to the wolves, would have thrown up no red flags, even being as fresh as it was. I was so close to him, and if I'd only looked around, maybe I could have seen him. It was no wonder that Alice couldn't see him; as soon as he decided to come looking for the wolves, his future would have disappeared.

I hid my realization from Jacob. I climbed up onto the bed beside him, still reeling, and settled in beside him. He kissed my cheek and fell asleep, his breathing a light snore. I waited until I was sure he was asleep before I crept to my window, opening it wide. I peered out into the black night, feeling crazy even as I craned my neck in every direction. He wouldn't hide, if he was so close. He would know that I was aching for him, hungering for him.

I slid down to the floor beside my window and put my face in my hands. My nights, the precious time that I could spend with my Edward, were usually full of dreams of his exquisite face and his icy touch. I found myself closing the window and hoping for normalcy. I wanted my regular thoughts to return. I wanted to dream of Edward, because in my dreams, he could no longer hurt me. In consciousness, I suffered; in sleep, I flourished.

Shaking my head, I closed the window, pulling my curtains across the glass. I wanted nothing more than to sleep beside Jacob, to feel his warmth and safety, and to dream of Edward. I changed into a pair of old pajamas and curled up into Jake's side. He made a low humming noise, still sleeping, and nestled into me. I fell asleep, staring at Edward's diamond heart on my charm bracelet lying on my bedside table.

* * *

><p>Jacob was gone when I awoke, which meant Charlie must have woken up early for work. I glanced around my room, checking for any sign that Edward had come while I was sleeping, but I saw nothing out of place. My face fell, and I trudged downstairs to make breakfast. I had already pulled out the carton of eggs before I realized how un-hungry I truly felt. I put the eggs back and went to sit on the couch.<p>

A knock at the door made me jump. I checked the time, knowing it couldn't possibly be Alice so early. I wondered if Jake had started a new habit. I got up and opened the door without looking. Paul was standing there, looking slightly uncomfortable. I smiled at him, hoping my hair wasn't too ratty after a night's sleep.

"Hey, Paul," I said, trying to talk past the morning grogginess. He wouldn't look me in the eye. How weird.

"I know who was out in the forest yesterday," he blurted out suddenly. My eyes got wide, and I swallowed hard.

"I do too," I said quietly. His eyes finally met mine, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Come in." I stepped aside so that he could get through the door. He looked out of place, not the right hulking teenager standing in my living room.

"It was Cul-"

"Shh," I cut him off. "I know who it was. I put two and two together last night." Paul watched me as I ran my fingers through my hair. I exuded stress, and I felt it.

"Well, did you tell Jake so he doesn't worry?" he asked impatiently. I bit my lip. He raised his eyebrows, crossing his arms over his massive chest.

"I hadn't quite gotten there yet," I admitted, ashamed. I wanted to sink into the floor rather than talk about this to Paul.

"Why keep it from him?" he asked. I glanced at him, but he didn't look judgmental or cruel. Instead, he looked genuinely curious. I bit my lip again, chewing at the tender skin.

"I just don't want him to do anything rash," I confessed. Why was I talking about this with him? "Jake isn't happy with him as it is. I don't want him knowing that he's back in town. Plus, I think I should talk to him first before Jake can get a piece of him." Paul laughed, a cruel mockery of a sound. It made my skin crawl to hear him so malicious.

"He's going to find out," he said matter-of-factly. "He'll hear it from me at one point or another. And, when he hears that you kept it from him, he'll be pissed. And I love watching a good screaming match." I was suddenly furious. I flung the door open and stood in front of it, my foot tapping.

"Do this for me and keep it from Jake, or don't," I seethed. "If you can't keep it from him, fine. But I don't have to let you stay. Go home, Paul." A twinge of pain crossed his face, but then it was the typical smooth mask that he always wore. He left without a word, bounding off into the forest. I exhaled deeply, knowing what I had to do.

I called Alice. She didn't answer her phone, probably distracted by the drive, so I left a message. I told her that Edward was here, and I told her that I would try and find him. I asked her to call me when she was getting close. When I shut the phone, I squeezed it in my palm and stared out of the house, towards the woods and, hopefully, towards Edward.

* * *

><p>I wasn't sure if he was watching me. He couldn't hear me, which meant that he had no way of knowing that I was wandering around under the trees unless he could see me. I didn't want to shout his name, for fear of calling the wolves' attention. Instead I waited, tying to be patient, walking just deep enough into the woods to be clear of prying eyes but still in sight of the road.<p>

I began to feel ridiculous. He wasn't coming; he obviously hadn't seen me leave my house. What if I was wrong? What if I was completely imagining him even being here? Paul could be wrong, too. His trails would be all over that part of the forest from being with me. I was stomping through the too-green forest for nothing, I decided. I turned around, back towards the road, to drive to Jake's instead.

He made no sound when he dropped in front of me, and I almost screamed when I turned and he was in front of me. He surprised me, his approach so silent. And then, suddenly, my world was whole again. The missing pieces of myself, broken beyond repair, were suddenly adhering back into place. He was even more beautiful than my memory had preserved him; his golden eyes, his strong jaw, his crooked smile. Seeing him knocked the wind completely out of me. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't see anything but Edward. He reached out a hand towards me, and I slid mine into his. The feeling of wholeness overwhelmed me, as if his touch was enough to heal everything. I lost my resolve. I wanted nothing but Edward, no one but Edward. He smiled wider, and he reached his other hand up to skim my face. I closed my eyes, lost in the feeling.

"Bella?"

My eyes shot open. I was standing in my living room, my hand outstretched to nothing. Jacob was standing in front of me, a confused expression pulling at his features. He crossed the room and pulled me into a hug. I felt tears well up in front of my eyes, and I knew they would spill out, big splattering drops and huge painful sobs. I pushed Jacob away, not wanting him to see me cry anymore. After weeks of losing myself to the pain, I wanted to spare him. I ran up to my room, barely able to see, unthinkingly slamming my door shut. I collapsed against the wooden door, losing my resolve. I screamed, the anguish almost unbearable. I wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor and stop existing. I hurt with the pain of a thousand goodbyes, the misery of a million lost moments. Edward was gone; Paul and I were wrong. He wasn't here. He would never be here.

I don't know how long it took Jacob to come through my window, but when he did, he gently pulled me into him. I clawed for him, my hysterics escalating, and he was there, surrounding me, engulfing me. His arms encircled me, keeping the pain away for a few moments more. I cried for missing Edward. I cried for hurting Jacob. I cried for losing myself. I thought I had fixed myself, but I was so wrong. I was faltering, and I didn't know how to find my sanity again.

* * *

><p>My phone rang, too loud. I woke with a start, muddled, but I felt a familiar heavy hand on my waist.<p>

"Shh, Bella, you're fine," he murmured. I fell back into the bed, feeling strangely sore. My newest bout of agony had brought on tightened muscles and screaming through a raw throat. I felt like I had drowned all over again.

"Yeah?" Jacob said. Confused, I turned to him. He had my phone to his ear and a smile just for me. I kissed his cheek, grateful for him.

"All right, we'll see you then," he said after a minute, and he clicked the phone shut. I waited. "Alice should be here in about ten minutes, and I think you need to…" He searched for words, not wanting to offend me. I imagined I looked horrible, as horrible as I felt. I patted his chest, bare as always, and went to the bathroom to try to make the mess in the mirror begin to resemble myself. I was still trying to make my hair lay flat when I heard her.

"Bella, you look terrible," she said in her high, bright voice. I turned immediately to the sound, a blind man to the light, and I sighed. She was still beautiful, still so small. Still my Alice. She, at least, couldn't cause me any pain being back. I threw myself at her, wrapping my arms around her, craving her skin, her smell. She laughed, patting my hair down where it stuck up with deft hands.

"I just woke up," I admitted sheepishly, almost forgetting what had brought on my newest mania. She was wondrous to look at, and her presence in my house, suddenly so bright, almost blinded me.

"Where's Jacob?" she asked, craning her neck. I turned to my room, but he wasn't there. I felt a twinge of something in my stomach. Was I angry with him?

"I guess he wanted to give us some time together," I said, still drinking her in. I had missed her so much; I didn't realize it until she was standing right in front of me.

"That's too bad," she answered, a tiny crease pulling her features together. "I quite wanted to try out a new theory with him." It didn't take more than half a minute for the doorbell to ring, and I laughed.

"I guess he wasn't too far," I said, dragging Alice downstairs with me. I didn't want to lose sight of her, not yet. She danced behind me gracefully. I flung the door open and smiled instantly at Jake's warm grin. He reached for my hand, our almost-constant contact, and I let him, breathing in the feeling of being near him again, a mix of levelheadedness and freedom.

"Hey, leech," he said, eyeing Alice. I smacked him in the arm, though he probably barely felt anything. "Sorry. Old habits die hard. Hi, Alice." She smiled warmly at him, unperturbed.

"Hello, pup," she said teasingly, laughing. "I don't suppose you would come in and let me test something?" Untroubled, he came inside and flopped down onto Charlie's couch, taking up most of the space. I sometimes forgot just how _big_ he was.

"Test away," he said, at ease. If I hadn't been watching for it, I barely would have noticed his nose wrinkling. I squeezed his hand, grateful for his effort to get along with Alice. She sat down in front of him on the floor, folding her legs expertly. She moved like water; I felt clumsy and awkward beside her.

"I wanted to see just what it was about you that I couldn't see," she started, eyeing me. "Edward's-" pain, stabbing crushing ripping pain, "-theory was that you were too unpredictable when you could phase so easily, with that temper of yours. But what if I could see past the new werewolf age? If I could manage to see you when you were more stable, perhaps…" She trailed off, thinking hard. I glanced at Jacob, whose eyebrows were mashed together, thinking too. I waited.

"Our stories say that everything goes back to normal once we get control of ourselves," Jacob said finally. "When we stop phasing like this, I think all of this weirdness should go away." Alice nodded in agreement.

"If you wouldn't mind, I need to touch you," she warned. "I have to be in close contact with someone to be able to see that far into their future, if this will work at all." He stuck out his leg towards her. I was again grateful for him for putting in the effort with Alice. She gently wrapped her pale white fingers around his deep skin and closed her eyes. Jake barely grimaced at the contact, though I could feel his fingers trembling. I squeezed his hand, drawing his attention to me. He smiled, but only just barely; no matter how easy it was to talk to Alice, it was another thing altogether to let her touch him.

Alice was frozen, an unmoving statue of concentration. I watched her, waiting for some sign of movement, but none came. Her stillness was almost unnerving after being around the wolves, who were always in constant motion, barely still even in sleep. I let my mind slip, wandering. I wondered how she would react to all of this. She hadn't been happy when I'd picked the wolves. I knew that, for my sake, she wouldn't leave as she had last time. Still, this wasn't ideal, and I wondered if she was upset with me for leaving her family and the life I had chosen.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, her other hand flying out wildly towards me. I grabbed it, and her long fingers locked around mine. "I see him!" Jake sat up, his eyes locked on Alice. We waited, her face frozen in surprise, her mouth open in a tiny O. It was a few minutes before her eyes fluttered open, and I stared hungrily at her. What had she seen? Where had I fit in?

"I had to go much further ahead than I expected," she said, speaking to Jacob. He was wrapped up in what she had to say, leaning down towards her. "You were much older, in your 20s, before I could see you again. But then, out of nowhere, I saw you! You hadn't changed at all." She looked confused, but he chuckled.

"We don't age until we can stop phasing," he said. "I'll look like this until I can get a grip." She smiled back.

"You do, Jacob. You get a grip. And it's magnificent! The pack, all of you still so close, still brothers, even after you stop phasing! And of course that girl with the scars, married and bearing wolf pups! I wished I could have looked forever."

"What about Bella?" he asked impatiently. "Was she there?" Alice looked at me, a troubled look tugging at her lips. I froze. "Hey, leech, look at me." Jacob wrenched her face back to his. "What happens to Bella?" She was quiet for a moment, and Jake stood up, unable to look at me.

"She goes back to _him_, doesn't she?" he spat out, furious. He rushed out of the house, already trembling.

"Jake, wait," I called after him, but he was already gone, brushing me off. I stood, suddenly very cold, in the doorway, watching his quivering form dart into the forest.

"He has it all wrong," Alice said softly. I turned back to her, and her eyes were tortured. "Of course he can't understand. This is wrong, there must be a way…"

"Alice, what?" I demanded. "What did you see?"

"You don't leave him, Bella. You die."


	6. Chapter 6

It was very quiet. I was rooted to the spot, and Alice was still sitting on the floor in front of the couch, a perfect statue of agony. I was horrified to find that I almost felt…relieved. She didn't see me leaving Jacob, and she couldn't see me going back to Edward. If she could, my future would have opened back up to her, and she would have immediately clung to it.

I was curious, too, another alien feeling. What killed me? I wondered if it was the Volturi, finally fulfilling their warnings and coming for me. Maybe it was Jacob, losing control and attacking. Or maybe it was something else entirely; I could get hit by a truck, fall off a cliff, get a disease. I wondered what, exactly, Alice had seen.

I crouched down beside her, touching her face. Her eyes were distant, trying desperately to see me, to find how it happened. I waved my hand in front of her face. She couldn't see me; she was lost in the future, trying to find me.

I wished Jacob was still with me. I felt hollow, the loneliness and the anxiety seeping back into me like tendrils of cold. I wanted so badly to run after him, to need him. He held me together, but this was something else entirely. Could he hold himself together long enough to help me?

Alice suddenly shot up, standing so fast that I was left on the floor, crouching by her feet. I glanced up at her, and her expression was a strange mix of curiosity and, of all things, petulance. I stared with her out the front door, and he was there. This, I knew, was no dream. He was truly there.

His marble face was too perfect for words. But within his features was an underlying pain, a horrible agony of which I would never know the depths. His eyes were on me, burning a fiery black color. I couldn't breathe. No one moved.

"Edward," Alice whispered, her voice strained. He turned to look at her, the pain in his eyes spilling onto her, sharing in their torture. I couldn't find the strength to stand, but somehow, I stood, watching him. His gaze was locked on Alice, seeing what she saw. I thought I saw his lips moving, very slightly, as if he were talking. It was very quiet.

"Bella, go find Jacob," Alice finally said, too loudly. I didn't move. I wasn't going to leave, not when Edward was standing there. My heart galloped out of control, and every nerve ending in my body pushed to him, instinctually craving the coolness of his skin.

"Go," Edward growled, under his breath. He was still watching Alice. My heart sputtered to a halt at the sound of his voice. How could someone so perfect have ever wanted someone as ordinary as me? And how had I ever turned that away?

"Leave!" he shouted, finally turning to me. He was terrifying, teeth bared, eyes wild. I was still stuck where I stood, fixated on him. He shook his head slightly, and he and Alice were gone in an instant. I blinked, dazed. The rush of loneliness that slammed into me was overwhelming, and it knocked the wind out of me. I ran out to my truck as fast as I could, desperate for Jacob to put me back together.

He wasn't home when I pulled up, and neither was Billy. I didn't know where to find him. I called Emily, hoping that she had seen him, but she said she was home alone. I imagined Jacob out running, pushing his insecurities away with each step. I had no idea how to find him if he was running. I stood in front of his house and, at the top of my lungs, screamed his name. I hoped that at least one of the wolves would hear me.

"Bella!" Paul shouted. I was right; someone had heard me. He ran through the trees on the other side of the road, alarmed. I held up my hands, hoping to calm him down.

"Paul, I'm okay," I said quickly. "I just really need Jacob, and I couldn't find him anywhere." Paul looked furious. He turned around to go back to the woods, but I grabbed his arm, trying to hold him there. "Wait, please, okay?" He stopped walking.

"I don't know where he is," he said tersely. I sighed.

"If he's running, though, you could tell him that I need him." I sounded whiny, like a child. "Can you please just do this for me? It's just one favor." He took off for the forest, and I hoped that he was going to call Jake. I waited, hopeful, for a few minutes. Finally, he poked his head out from behind one of the huge trees.

"He'll be here in a few minutes," he called, annoyed. "Don't go anywhere." I obeyed, sitting down to wait for him on his front doorstep. He came out from almost the same spot Paul had been, hastily pulling up the waistband of his sweatpants. He ran over to me, a mix of anger and worry creasing his features. I hugged him as tightly as I could, my fingers clawing to be closer, my heart aching for more contact. I waited a moment for my heart to reassemble itself before I could speak.

"Jake," I whispered into his chest. He hesitated only a moment before wrapping his arms around me, crushing me to him. He carried me in the hug through his front door, and in the privacy of his house, I crumbled. I felt the tears falling, but I grabbed Jake's face, crushing my lips to his. He pulled away, wiping my tears. His eyes swam with questions, questions I couldn't answer. I pulled myself back to kiss him. He picked me up gently and carried me to the couch, lying down with me splayed out on top of him. He knotted his hands in my hair, gasping my name. I ran my fingers across his skin fervently, trying to stop the tears still streaming down my face.

"Bella, honey, stop," Jake mumbled, pushing my face carefully away from his. Water droplets splattered across his cheeks. "Please don't cry. I'm sorry I left." I wiped my face, propped up on his bare chest.

"I'm not going to leave you," I spluttered, an invisible hand tightening around my insides. He brushed the hair out of my face.

"Oh, Bells," he said with a small smile. "I know that. I know you'd never leave. I'm-"

"No, you don't get it, you don't understand," I pleaded, desperation squeezing me again. His eyebrows pushed together.

"What don't I get?"

"Alice-she didn't see me leaving. She saw-" I couldn't force the words out, terrified of what might cross his face.

"Bella, tell me. What? What did she see?"

"She saw me dying," I managed, my breath gone. Jake's face was unchanged for only half a second before my words sank in. I had never seen this look in his eyes. Jacob was always so unflinchingly happy that I didn't know this new look had ever lived within him, buried in wait. Any other pain I'd caused him – having to watch as I stayed with Edward for so long, pulling me out of the ocean after jumping off the cliff – paled in comparison to this. Jacob was gone, replaced with grief. I wondered if my expression mirrored his.

He shoved me off of him so fast that I barely felt the move. He was suddenly crouched on the floor, his body curling into itself, his shoulders vibrating too fast. I immediately realized the danger and climbed over the back of the couch, trying to make it out the front door. I didn't make it. Jake exploded, his wolf taking up the entire living room, and the agonizing howl that ripped from his mouth was absolutely inhuman; he had become his wolf, given himself over to the wildness of the beast. I backed into the door, reaching for the handle, terrified, thinking only of Emily's scarred face. He saw me then, and I could feel the tension in the air, the decision. He warred with himself, trying desperately to phase back but unable to comprehend the depth of his own human emotions. Outside, I heard a distant howl, crying out for him. He turned towards the sound and instantly tried to shrink down in size, hunching down and inward.

The front door flew open, and suddenly Edward was there, gripping my waist. He yanked me out of the house with too much force, my feet flying, and began to run in the direction of Forks, away from La Push. I heard an infuriated snarl from back in the house and then Jake was outside, the front door frame shattered around him. Edward kept running, and I was blown away at how easy it was to lean into him, to settle into his arms.

It took me only a few seconds to realize how wrong it all was. Everything was backwards; Jacob was in pain, and I was running away from him with a vampire, a vampire he hated. I shoved against Edward's chest, squirming.

"Let me go!" I pleaded. "Jacob needs me!" Edward stopped, and the abrupt change in speed felt like I'd hit a brick wall. I rubbed my head. I kicked out of Edward's arms, turning around to run to Jacob. He snared his arm around my waist, keeping me against his stone body. I tried to ignore the ache shooting across my skin, but I lost the battle. I fell into him, letting him hold me there, facing Jake. He was coming fast now, and he skidded to a stop in front of us. His teeth were bared, but not in my favorite wolf grin. He looked truly and absolutely deadly.

"I will when you can calm yourself, dog," Edward spat, answering Jake's thoughts. He snarled again, crouching lower to the ground. His fur stood on end.

"Edward, let me go," I begged, my heart pulling me to Jacob. I pushed out of his embrace and ran to the wolf, who raised out of the crouch as soon as I moved towards him. He dipped his head down to me, and I grabbed a handful of fur on his neck. His eye, trained on me, was still burning in agony. I kissed his neck, burying my face into him. Edward snarled, the sound identical to the noise from the day before. Jake stiffened, glaring back at him.

"Yes, mongrel," he seethed. "I came back to keep an eye on her. You have no idea the pain I feel watching you with her." Jake growled again, low in the back of his throat. I peeked out at Edward, who was slipping down into an attack position. I then saw why: Sam, flanked by 6 other huge wolves, burst through the tree line behind us, staring at the vampire that was no longer allowed on Quileute land.

"Go, Edward!" I screamed over the sudden roaring of snarls that erupted from the pack. He stiffened, but he listened; his back disappeared so fast that I was no longer sure if he really had been standing there at all. Jake, sure he was gone, curled up on the ground, his body coiled around me. I leaned into his fur.

Sam barked harshly at one of the smaller wolves, who turned back into the forest and emerged a few seconds later on two legs. Embry ran to Jake, kneeling down in front of his face.

"All right, man," he said calmly. "You gotta phase back. Bella needs you. We're all here for you. But you gotta phase back." Jake turned up to look at him, whimpering. I felt the pain radiating out from him and wanted to cry again.

"Jake, it's all right," I heard Quil say. I hadn't seen him change, but he was jogging over to us, too. Sam and the others sat, waiting, watching. I could see the fire burning in Sam's black eyes, reflecting Jacob's pain. "Let's get him back to the house. Maybe it'll be easier there." Embry nodded, and together, they flanked Jake, helping him up. He pointed his muzzle at me, pointing slightly up. I understood and climbed onto his back, holding onto the fur around his neck. Together, we walked back to his house.

My chest tightened again when I saw the ruined doorway. Quil sighed.

"Aw, man," he mumbled. "Billy is gonna be furious." Jake ignored him, walking around to the back. I climbed off, my hand hesitating by his face. He pushed his wet nose into my palm and turned back to the forest. Embry emerged from the house with a pair of shorts and followed after Jake. A minute later, the two walked back over, Jake's face still gaunt. I held my hand out to him, but he refused to look at me. I recoiled with a spasm of pain.

"He's just ashamed, Bella," Quil whispered to me. "He knows he could've killed you, and he can't forgive himself." I watched Jake trudge back into his house through the hole where the door used to be and felt an overwhelming amount of pity for him, my Jacob. I followed him back in, where he was in his room with the door shut. Embry was standing there trying to reason with him.

"Jake, you have to come out here," he was saying. "What about Bella? What if Cullen comes back?" There was a low growl from behind the door, but he didn't open it. I crept over to the door and put my hand against the cool wood.

"Jake?" I murmured, hoping I sounded calm. "Please come out. I need you." He immediately flung open the door, staring down at me. I reached for him, and he didn't flinch away. I grabbed his hand, and he pulled me in carefully to wrap his arms around me. I could feel him shaking slightly, terrified. I understood his emotions completely.

"What can we do?" Jake asked suddenly, staring at his friends. They glanced at each other, at a loss for words.

"We don't even know how she d-"

"Don't say it. God, don't say it."

"Sorry," Embry apologized before continuing. "We can't do anything except for what we're all doing now. Maybe Alice can see more if we give her the chance." Jake tightened his arms around me, and I felt him nod.

"We need to see Alice. Bella, can you call her?" I glanced up at him, at the indescribable pain haunting his face. I pulled out my phone and hit my speed dial. She answered almost immediately.

"Where are you?" she demanded.

"Can you meet me at my house in twenty minutes?" I asked, impatient.

"I'm already there," she answered. "See you then." I clicked the phone shut and glanced around at the splintered front of the house.

"Embry and I will take care of this," Quil said, nodding at me. "You go talk to the vamp."

* * *

><p>Jacob was speechless. I drove as carefully as I could, somehow calm. I thought of anything besides Jacob's wolf, the explosion of fury, the absolute terror I felt watching him. I focused on the road and held his hand loosely in mine, his muscles slack. He looked like he could barely hold himself upright.<p>

Alice was waiting outside for us, having heard my truck from miles away. She looked so tiny. I pulled in carefully and went around to Jake's door, opening it for him. He spilled out, barely in control of his body. Alice helped me half-carry him inside to the couch. He was defeated.

"We have to figure out when it happens so that we can stop it from happening," I said immediately, eyeing Alice. "Can you try and see into Jake's future again to see if there's anything that tells you what happened to me?"

"I can try," she said, nodding. She knelt down beside Jacob and, without asking, pressed her hand to the side of his face. He didn't even have the strength in him to wince; he was numb, unseeing. I sat beside him, my hand on his knee. I waited, hoping Alice would see something, anything, to help Jake. After what felt like hours, she opened her eyes again, staring at me.

"The good news is, it's not the Volturi," she said finally, removing her hand from his face. "They would have decimated the wolves when they found you with them, and none of the wolves are missing from his future. That leaves a few different options. I don't think Jake is responsible, as I feel no guilt or shame. So, my best guess would be that it is an accident, or possibly something out of any of our control." I glanced at Jake, who hadn't moved.

"That's good, Jake," I whispered, touching his unmoving face. "If it's an accident, then we can stop it before it happens. I'll just be more careful, and maybe-"

"Bella, I almost killed you earlier and you're trying to convince me that everything is going to be fine?" he growled, his eyes finding mine. Alice inhaled sharply

"He tried to kill you?" she demanded, staring at me. I waved a hand at her, hoping she understood that I wanted her to drop it.

"But you didn't," I said, smiling. "I'm still here. You could never hurt me. And we'll get through this together." He looked up at me and reached his hand hesitantly to touch my lips. I kissed his fingers, and he seemed to relax slightly. He sat up, pulling me into his lap, and kissed the top of my head.

"So you have no idea?" he asked, turning to Alice. She shook her head with pursed lips.

"If only I could see through the next few years!" she cried, exasperated. I wanted to comfort her, watching her pace back and forth too fast, flitting from spot to spot like a fairy.

"This isn't helping anyone," I said finally, breaking the silence. Alice stopped, glancing over at me. "Why don't you go back to the forest to try and figure out if there was another vampire there?" I had already figured out exactly who it was, and I imagined that Jake knew too. But he didn't say a word as Alice nodded and darted from the room. I nestled into Jake's chest.

"Maybe we should get back to your house," I murmured. "We should help Quil and Embry with the door." He sighed, but he didn't argue. He picked me up as he stood, cradling me in a ball in front of him, and I smiled. I kissed him, slow and deep. We walked back to the truck, heading for La Push.

* * *

><p>The damage was pretty extensive. Jake had torn apart drywall and the entire door frame, but thankfully the foundation was still intact. With Billy away on a fishing trip only until the next afternoon, we had to work fast to fix the house. We piled into my truck, Quil and Embry hanging on in the truck bed, and drove to the nearest hardware store, where we stocked up on wood and drywall sheets. It took the rest of the day, and well into the night, to fix the house, but when Jake and his friends finished, it just needed some paint to look normal again. Jake swore there was extra somewhere, and I promised to hunt it down in the morning. Alice called, deep in the forest, and asked for the rest of the night to continue searching; she was sure that, with enough effort, she would find what she had been missing. Quil and Embry took off, exhausted, to get some sleep, and Jake and I stayed at his house. I had called Charlie earlier, telling him that Alice was in town and we would stay at her old house. He never pried much when Alice was involved.<p>

Jake had returned to his old self, either forgetting about what Alice had seen or at least blocking it out. He had forgiven himself, after extensive pleading, for phasing and ruining the door, but he said he still was upset that he had almost hurt me. I swore that it was fine, and he seemed to accept that. He had joked through most of the day, knocking Quil with a hammer more than once. I was glad to see him again, my Jacob.

That night, we curled up in his bed, exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open, and he yawned, his mouth wide. He tucked me into his side, and I sighed into him. I peeked up at him through my hair, and his eyes were warm.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked. I laughed a little; the nibble of familiarity, Edward's old question, stung.

"How warm you are," I said, kissing his chest. He smiled and closed his eyes.

"I really am sorry for earlier," he mumbled. He was barely awake now. "I could've really hurt you."

"I don't hold it against you," I whispered back. "I trust you not to hurt me." His breathing was even and quiet. He settled into me, asleep. I wanted to stay awake, wanted to make sense of the day, but my lids were heavy. I fell asleep just after Jacob.

* * *

><p>The sunlight streaming through the window woke me. I stretched out into Jacob, but I was alone. I flailed for a moment, confused and not knowing where I was. I looked around, still in his room, and calmed down. He peeked through the open doorway.<p>

"Aw, crap, you're up," he whined. "I wanted to surprise you." I sat up slowly, yawning.

"Surprise me with what?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. He disappeared for a moment, returning with a plate of eggs and a glass of orange juice. I grinned.

"Jake, you shouldn't have."

"We needed a nice morning." The eggs were perfect, and I ate every bite gratefully.

"Thank you." He leaned down to kiss me. I felt the familiar tingling in my toes, the fluttering in my stomach. He slid his hands down my sides, settling on my waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, moving closer. He pushed me gently down to lay on the bed, his massive body hovering over me. My breathing hitched in my throat, and he mashed his lips harder to mine. His hands on my waist slid up under the line of my shirt, touching the bare skin over my ribs. I shivered, though his touch was hot.

I had thought about Jacob in that way before. He was everywhere when we slept beside each other and everywhere when we kissed. When we kissed, it was so different from kissing Edward; we didn't have to worry about anything together. I was just so afraid that I could never bring myself to do more. I wasn't afraid of him, I was afraid of myself. I was a klutz on my feet, and I could only imagine how much worse it could be lying down. My lips stopped moving instinctively, my body screaming for me to stop him.

He pulled away slightly, staring down at me. His eyes smoldered. He looked at me like I was beautiful. I let myself go, trying so hard to be better, for him. I ran my fingers down his bare back, and he sighed. He lowered his face back to mine, and his tongue traced the line of my lips. I shivered again, my fingers pressing into his back. Carefully, he lowered himself down onto me, still holding himself up slightly on his elbows. His hands explored my ribs, my stomach, my back. I kissed him as hard as I could, pressing myself to him.

My phone rang suddenly, and Jacob groaned, his hands still wrapped around me. I exhaled deeply, stunned, like being woken up in the middle of the perfect dream. I reached over for the phone, extracting myself from his arms, and flipped the phone open without checking who it was.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat.

"There is no easy way to say this, so I won't put it off," Alice said, a hint of sadness tinging her perfect voice. "Tomorrow, Jasper is going to need me very badly. A human is going to temp him, and I want to be there to help stop anything bad from happening. I have to leave, and I have to leave fairly soon." I wriggled out from underneath Jake.

"I was hoping you could stay a few more days," I complained, almost begging.

"You understand why I have to go," she said quietly. Of course I did.

"I'll be back to Charlie's in twenty minutes," I said urgently. "Please don't leave until I can say goodbye."

"I wouldn't dream of it," she said. I shut the phone and fixed my shirt, which was pushed up too high to be decent in public.

"Jake, Alice is leaving," I said softly, kissing the back of his head. He still hadn't rolled over. "I have to go, but I'll come back right after. Give me an hour." He turned his face out towards me, his eyes glazed over with disappointment. I kissed him swiftly, not allowing him the chance to drag me back down onto the bed, and half-ran to my truck.

Alice was waiting patiently for me beside her shiny yellow Porsche. I was overjoyed to see her, and I parked too fast, the truck lurching as I shifted gears to run out to her. She laughed, her head thrown back.

We went inside for a few minutes, savoring the last moments before she had to leave. She assured me that there had been no other vampires, that it was just Edward that morning with Jacob. She told me about Maine ("beautiful, if you like that kind of thing") and I told her about the pack ("difficult to keep track of but wonderful when you were on their good side"). She talked with her hands, waving them animatedly. I missed her vibrancy in Forks, any prospects of friends seeming dull in comparison. Her amber eyes, bright and intrigued, never left my face. But, eventually, she had to glance at the clock in the kitchen. Her face fell, and mine mirrored hers.

"I hate that you have to leave," I whined, knowing I sounded immature but not caring. She pulled me into a tight embrace and broke apart too soon. I wanted to hold her here, make her stay. But I knew – better than most – that Jasper needed her. I wouldn't argue with an excuse like that.

"I promise, I'll come back soon," she sang, kissing me lightly on the cheek before she danced to her car. The engine purred, and she honked the horn as she drove off, waving her slender arm out of the window at me. I waved back, watching her until she disappeared around the corner. I climbed into my truck and drove back to Jacob.

I let my mind wander as my hands unconsciously drove the familiar route. Where was Edward? I wondered what had happened to him after the wolves chased him off. I had vivid daydreams of him finding me at night, sneaking into my room and erasing every doubt I ever had. I could no longer see myself as one of them, though, which was a relief as well as a pang of pain. The life I had wanted, the family I had dreamed of belonging to, was no longer in my plans, and I felt somehow left behind.

Jake was waiting for me outside, a grin plastered on his face. He flung me over his shoulder, screaming and laughing, and carried me back inside.


	7. Chapter 7

Before, I split myself in half. I was with Jacob during the day, but at night, I tortured myself by thinking of Edward, while Jacob slept next to me. I was a masochist and a hypocrite. I hadn't left Edward; I'd only moved him to my memories, putting Jake through more of the same. I felt so guilty, but being able to keep them both seemed worth it, to me.

That changed when I saw Edward again. My memories, my old nightly rituals, became tainted. The beautiful face in my head was vicious and furious. With every memory I pulled up, I saw his crooked smile replaced by the dangerous crouching vampire. I could only focus on the lines that had been drawn, us versus him, that day with the wolves around me and Edward alone, running. I didn't cry or mourn; I didn't want Jake to see that small part of myself again. Instead, I buried the pain, settling it in amongst everything else. It was like a tiny heart, pulsing and throbbing not with blood but with a familiar soreness. It ebbed and flowed, sometimes rearing up but, more often, simmering like a low fire.

I threw myself into my life with Jacob with fervor, and it was blissful. He knew things had changed after seeing Edward again. I would catch him glancing at me out of the corner of his eye incredulously, like he still couldn't believe I'd chosen him not once but twice, but if I asked about it he pretended he hadn't been looking. He was so happy that it spilled into every facet of my life. Suddenly, going out and getting a new job, having left work with Mike Newton's hiking store, wasn't so bad, and my job of working in the library in town was even sometimes enjoyable.

He understood and even accepted my relationship with Alice, which surprised me. I didn't know if he still held any animosity towards her, especially after her visit, but he asked about her with genuine interest often, and he was never angry if I took her calls around him. She was travelling, trying to find other vampires who, like her, could see the future; she was curious if anything else could stop her visions and how to get around it.

Her only vision of Jake's future, and my death, hung heavily over his head, and I could see how it affected him. He never let me out of his sight, and even when I had to work, I knew he was waiting outside, trying not to be obvious about his overprotectiveness. The pack, again vampire-less, decided that my safety would be their top priority, and even though Jake snuck over every night, I could feel them outside, one always patrolling, hoping that my death wasn't coming soon.

Summer stretched out into forever. I enjoyed the warmer weather and the occasional sunny day, which I always spent with Jake on the beach in La Push. I loved the days I spent with the pack and the nights I spent curled into Jake's warm chest. I was moving on, slowly edging away from my old life. I was fixing myself, little by little, into someone better, someone whole. I gave up nothing with Jake and I was given so much more than with Edward. We were happy, and I was healing.

* * *

><p>At the beginning of August, Jake was adamant about going to the big beach party in La Push right before the res school started again. I hated large parties, particularly those assembled with alcohol and rambunctious intentions, but he persisted.<p>

"Bella," he said one day. I glanced up at him from my old copy of _Jane Eyre_. "Bella, Bella, Bella."

"Oh, not this again," I sighed, turning away. He reached for my arm, his eyes bright. He pushed his lip out to pout like a child.

"It's just one party," he begged. "I already told them we'd go." I glared at him.

"I never agreed to that, so now it's on you to tell them we aren't coming," I said crossly. He slid the book out from my hands and clasped his around mine.

"Please?" he pleaded, his face scrunched. "You picked me, so you have to go to the stupid pack parties with me." I felt a stab of discomfort at his off-hand comment. I had no obligations to him simply because I wanted to be with him. Being with him also meant being with the pack, something I'd known from the start. But I didn't like that he was holding it against me.

"That's not fair, Jake," I said shortly. He sighed in exasperation.

"Just go with me, Bells," he demanded, standing up from the lawn chair. I put my bookmark in to hold my place and set the novel down on the tiny table.

"If I don't want to go, I won't go," I seethed. Why was I so angry? It was just a party. "If you want to make this about some brotherly obligation, then fine. You go. I'm staying home." He glared at me from a few feet away, his hands crossed in front of his chest.

"You're being stupid," he mumbled under his breath, but not softly enough. I pushed my chair back and stomped to my truck. He didn't move to follow me. I wrenched the door open, furious, and the truck roared to life after only a few tries. He emerged from around the side of the house when he heard the engine, and he looked pained.

"Bella, wait!" he shouted, jogging up to catch me. I beat him; I pulled out and pushed the car too fast down the road. I took deep breaths to calm myself. He hadn't meant anything by it, I reasoned. He was just being stubborn, I told myself. I slowed down the truck and calmly drove back to Charlie's. He was gone, still at work, so I went to my room to lie down. I tucked my hands under my head against the pillows and relaxed into the comforter.

Jake and I didn't fight often, but when we did, I felt tight, like I was being squeezed. I thought back to the day before, our blissful night. We had been too awake to sleep, kissing until the electricity between us was almost a visible and tangible bolt. I stopped his roaming hands, not feeling right. I lied and told him I was too tired, but in reality, it just hadn't been the right moment. We had fallen asleep with our hands entwined between us.

I sighed, rolling onto my side. The day was gloomy, and the clouds blocked out so much light that it felt like night. I closed my eyes and hoped that, when I opened them again, things would be better.

* * *

><p>Jake was there. He was always there. Even when we fought, even when things weren't perfect, he was there.<p>

"Hey," he said, smiling. He reached his hand out to me, sprawled out on my bed. I slid mine into his easily. "Come here." I sat down beside him, running my fingers through his hair. He sighed.

"I'm sorry," I said gently. He turned to look at me.

"I know, Bells," he said. "I'm sorry, too." He sat up, his lips meeting mine. A tingle shot all the way down to my toes, and I reached my hand up to his face, tracing the line of his jaw. He relaxed under my hand. I pulled away, smiling. He gazed at me, his eyes melting, and kissed me again, intently, passionately. He angled me under him carefully, watching his weight, as always. But this time was different. This time, I wasn't hesitant. I wasn't worried or nervous or afraid. I felt a simmering deep in the pit of my stomach and kissed him back, listening.

His hands were everywhere. He was gentle but urgent, grabbing my arms, my waist, my hair. I could feel the intensity radiating from him and felt my breathing match his. We were tangled in each other, craving. Of course Jacob and I were meant to be together; there was no doubt in my mind. He was so warm, my personal sun. I was drawn to him like gravity, and he pulled me in further, closer, until I was a part of him.

When my eyes shot open, finally awake, I felt strangely empty. I rolled back over, lonely, thinking of Jake.

* * *

><p>He didn't call, and neither did I. I spent the day around the house, doing my much-neglected chores. I picked up the clothes on the floor of my room and cleaned the shower with bleach that stung my eyes. I stuck a complicated pasta dish into the oven to cook, hoping Charlie wouldn't be too put out with me for not cooking for so long.<p>

I tried not to think about Jake, but he crept into my mind like a bracing breeze. He was in every inch of the house, and cleaning reminded me of him: the blue shirt with a tiny pizza stain from dinner at his house, an old pair of shoes that had a drop of paint from when we repainted his doorframe, a plate with a small chip on the side from when he had dropped it too hard into the sink. Being without him, even for a few hours, was grating.

I tried to think of other things, wondering what he would do when school started back up in La Push. We hadn't talked about it very much. School seemed so trivial in comparison to the past few months, to Victoria. He was physically old enough to have graduated college, but did Sam finish high school? I didn't know. I couldn't imagine Jacob, huge and strong, sitting in a tiny desk in a math class. I almost laughed out loud at the thought.

"Bella?" I jumped. Charlie was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, a confused look on his face. "What are you doing here?" I put down the plate I was washing and wiped my hands.

"I'm here to make dinner," I said, smiling. "I've been bad, not cooking for you." He shrugged.

"I'm fine on my own, Bells," he said gruffly. I checked on the pasta in the oven and took it out to cool.

"Well, I'm here," I said, trying to sound happy despite feeling weird without Jake. "This'll be ready in about five minutes. Do you want garlic bread?" His eyes lit up at the idea, and he nodded quickly. I laughed, and he went to put down his police gear.

"Where's Jake today?" he asked carefully at the dinner table, watching my expression. The pasta was delicious, and he'd already had a second helping. I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant.

"I guess he's just busy with Sam and his friends," I said, keeping my eyes on my plate. "Plus I wanted to come home and clean up a little. The house was getting dirty."

"Are you two fighting?" he asked nervously, taking too long to spear his fork into another bite of pasta.

"No," I said carefully. "We're just…disagreeing." He glanced up at that, surprised that he had been right. He put his fork down.

"What about?" he asked. I was quiet for a moment before I answered.

"It's some end-of-summer beach party down in La Push. He wants me to go with him, but I just want to spend the day here." He laughed, and I glared at him.

"Doesn't that boy know by now that you don't like big parties?" I rolled my eyes.

"He's persistent on changing that."

"Well, I wouldn't mind going to a beach party," he said thoughtfully. "I haven't seen Sue in a while, and Billy is always trying to get me down there more often."

"You're no help," I sighed, exasperated. He chuckled.

"You should call Jake," he said, still in a good mood. "You know you'll find a way to fix this eventually, so why not now?" We had finally told Charlie, after waiting too long, about me and Jake. He was suspicious after the Cullens left town, but he never asked questions. Finally, after I'd spent almost a week straight at Jake's house, Charlie had demanded that we tell him. He was happy for us, happier than I'd expected, and was never upset when I wanted to spend time with Jake while shirking my responsibilities with him. He already thought of Jake as family, after all, and when I had finally picked him, Charlie was over the moon.

"I was thinking of going over there now, actually," I said quietly, hoping he wouldn't be upset.

"Sure!" he said, brightening even more. I knew he didn't want to get in the middle of things, but I could tell he didn't like it when we fought. "You should bring the leftovers from this lasagna, though. Maybe it'll soften him up." I smiled, agreeing.

The drive seemed too long. I felt physically cold without Jacob, as if my sun was what kept me warm. After endless weeks with him being no more than thirty feet away, I felt strange, like when you forget your favorite sweatshirt at home. It was like I was missing something. And my dream hadn't helped, either; below the tightness in my chest was a lingering simmer, a tiny burning in the bottom of my stomach. I thought of when we kissed, how his hands tangled in my hair, how his legs twisted with mine. I pushed my truck a little faster.

He wasn't waiting outside for me, and I instantly felt the hand around my ribs tighten. I hoped he wasn't still upset with me.

"Hey, Bella!" Billy called, wheeling himself out from behind the house. He was smiling widely, always happy to see me. I felt myself grin back unconsciously.

"Hi Billy!" I replied, slamming my truck door shut. "How are you?"

"I'm getting older and older," he said, motioning to his hands. "My hands started shaking. Can you believe that? Soon my legs won't even work and I'll need a wheelchair." I laughed with him, his laugh booming.

"Have you seen Jake?" I asked, but he shook his head.

"I haven't seen that boy all day. If you find him, tell him I need him. I think there's a leak in the roof." I nodded, waving as I walked back to my truck. Remembering the lasagna, I slid it out of the passenger seat and brought it back over to him. His eyes sparkled at the sight of the glass dish.

"Lasagna?" he asked, eyeing the tin foil covering the dish. I nodded, and he grinned. "If Jake doesn't come back soon, I'll eat this by myself. Your lasagna is my favorite." I laughed, shaking my head as I climbed back in my truck.

"He could be at Sam's," Billy called, and I turned back to face him. He had his hand on his face, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "I think he might have mentioned going over." I waved again, smiling, and drove off.

He wasn't at Sam's. I tried to hide my disappointment when I knocked on the door and no one answered, the tiny house empty. I drove around for a little while, eventually stopping at the cliffs. I hadn't gone cliff-diving after the first time, but the sun was almost out and the rain had let up, so I got out and sat on the rocky overhang, careful to stay back from the edge. I looked at the waters, so much calmer than when I had jumped. I thought about what my life would have been if I had just waited for Jake to be there, diving in with me. We were already so close, circling each other. Would I have finally given in to him and to what my own heart was saying? Edward wouldn't have come back; I would still have holes riddled through my chest like bullet wounds. But I would have had Jake to help fix me.

I was glad, suddenly, that I had jumped. I wouldn't have been able to appreciate Jake the way I did. Somehow, seeing his pain had brought out something in me, something primal. He and I were meant to be together, I knew. If Edward hadn't come back, though, I was sure that I would still be broken, still wait for Edward every night. When I had picked for myself, as Emily had predicted, things had been different. Getting to pick, rather than being forced into a choice, was liberating, and it freed me to love Jake the way I was meant to.

I felt someone sit down beside me, very carefully, but I didn't turn to look at him. He was quiet for a moment. The wind picked up my hair gently, swirling around us. I wanted to reach out and grab his hand. I wanted to feel his warmth radiate through me again, to feel whole again. I waited, knowing he was there.

"I knew someone who died cliff diving," he said quietly. I turned to look at him. He was staring off into the distance, watching the waves far away, his bare chest rising and falling. "He was older, a friend of Rachel's. He only jumped from this high up on a dare. We can because we heal fast, but normal people don't ever try it from this high. It's dangerous." The wind was soft. He still wasn't looking at me.

"I wish you'd told me that before I jumped," I said, reaching my hand out to him. He finally broke his gaze, turning his eyes down to my hand. He took it in his, and instantly, I felt warmer, better, fuller. I breathed in deeply, my lungs filling with Jacob. He inched closer to me, and I leaned against him, our hands entwined tightly.

"I never thought you'd actually do it," he said honestly, still staring at our hands. "I didn't see how much you wanted to go. I should've been paying closer attention." He finally looked up at me, and my insides loosened, the tightness in my chest disappearing. I leaned my head onto his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. He didn't answer, and I wondered if he was still mad about the party.

"I was so scared, Bella," he said finally, his voice catching. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, but I hesitated, waiting. "When you jumped, and all I could hear was you screaming, I was terrified. I thought, after she went into the ocean, that she had finally gotten past us." He didn't have to say her name to make me understand, and I shuddered involuntarily. "And when I pulled you out, and you weren't breathing..." I curled into him, climbing into his lap, burying myself into his chest. His arms wrapped around me, holding me to him.

"I don't regret jumping," I said, breathing him in. "I'm glad I jumped. And I'm glad I almost died." He pulled me away, looking down at me with sudden alarm. I laughed quietly, kissing his collarbone. "Not like that, Jake." His expression improved, but his eyebrows stayed furrowed. I thought carefully, trying to put my epiphany into words that wouldn't hurt him.

"I'm glad I jumped," I repeated. "If I hadn't, Edward would never have come back." His name caused the tiny ball inside me to pulse like an afterthought, a tiny jolt of pain. "And if he'd never come back, I wouldn't have realized how much I needed you. I loved you then, but you weren't my choice. I would have been with you, but it would have been because Edward had left. Bu t when I got to pick you, it was different. I was with you not because he left, but because I really, truly wanted to be with you. I didn't hurt like before because I had left him, not the other way around."

"So you're happy you jumped?" he asked incredulously. I had never told him before how different it had been, accepting him versus choosing him.

"Not happy that I almost drowned," I clarified, shivering at the memory of the feeling of being pulled under, the water filling my lungs. "But happy that it set everything else in motion, yeah." He was quiet for a few minutes, considering this. The sun, hidden behind a few grey clouds, peeked out again, shining a bright ray into the ocean a few miles away.

"I always loved you," he said finally. "I would've been happy either way. But I think I'm happier now, knowing that you picked me. I would've always felt like you'd just settled for me after he left you." I curled my fingers around his.

"I'm not settling," I said, kissing his skin again. "You are everything that I want. It just took me a little while to see that." He pulled my chin up with his free hand and kissed me, long and slow. The sun, bobbing between the clouds, finally emerged, brightening the gloom. The warmth from it was nothing compared to Jacob, but it was freeing. I kissed Jake, my heart pounding, and let the feeling linger.

* * *

><p>He came over that night. I had bounced around the house after getting home, happily finishing the chores I had started earlier. Charlie was glad to hear that we had fixed things, and he watched me practically skip around the house with a smug look on his face. He went to bed early to prepare for a long day at the station. It didn't take long for Jake to arrive, using the front door for once. I stood there in the open doorway, marveling at how beautiful he was, standing there with his head cocked to the side and a smile pulling his features into a mask of bliss.<p>

And Jacob was beautiful, in all of the accidental ways that Edward wasn't. Whereas Edward had a face sculpted to scream out his magnificence, Jacob's was more subdued, less ostentatious. He was muscular, his arms and chest rippling with silent strength. His hair flopped around his face, just long enough to fall to the sides rather than stand straight up. His skin, a fantastic copper in color, wasn't dull but brilliant. Even his face, once boyish and child-like, was molded to accentuate his strong jaw, his high cheekbones, his full lips. The almost-permanent smile and good attitude left him shining in a permanent state of elation. I couldn't stop myself from staring at his face, then his chest, always bare. He pulled me in for a tight hug, and he eased the door shut silently. He went into the kitchen, pulling a soda out from the fridge.

"Sam had a great idea," he whispered, popping the can open with a fizzing sound. "He was thinking about the fortu- I mean Alice, and he thinks that maybe she should try to see him." I pushed my eyebrows together, confused.

"See who?" I asked, leaning against the counter.

"Sam," he clarified. "Since he's older, she should try to see him. He's had a lot longer to control the phasing, and he thinks he'll probably stop phasing before the rest of us do. If she could see me when I was aging again, maybe Sam would let her see earlier." I thought for a moment, considering. It sounded possible enough.

"I'll call her in the morning," I whispered back, kissing him lightly. We crept as silently as we could upstairs and into my room. I paused for a moment at Charlie's room; I snickered when I heard his snoring from behind the closed door. Jake was standing at the window to my room, the pane open wide.

"Yeah, she'll call her tomorrow," he was saying. I crept up behind him to see him staring down at Jared outside. Jake turned around, smiling sheepishly at me, and Jared waved, grinning. "I couldn't wait, sorry." I squeezed his arm and went to my desk, picking up the few novels that were strewn there.

"Does she think it could work?" Jared asked, his voice low.

"It doesn't matter," Jake said impatiently. "If there's any chance that it'll work, we have to give it a try, right?" Jared said something I didn't hear, and then Jake closed the window tightly. I started to put the books back on my bookshelf, organizing. He was suddenly right behind me, his arms snaking around my waist. I leaned back into him, smiling.

"I decided something," I said, continuing to put the books away. He mumbled a noise into my hair, kissing my head.

"What's up?" he muttered, his fingers spreading out across my stomach. I put the small stack back down on my desk and turned to look at him.

"If it means that much to you, I think I'll go to that party with you," I said, watching his reaction. His eyes lit up, and he grabbed me, spinning me around in the air. I tried to keep my giggling quiet, the peals bouncing back to me.

"Seriously Bells?" He was too loud, and I tried to shush him, still spinning. "Thank you! God, I never thought you were gonna go! I thought I was gonna have to trade back that eternity of servitude to make you go! This is awesome!" He set me down and kissed me, grabbing my face in his massive hands. The overwhelming emotion that flooded out of him destroyed my guard, and I kissed him back just as eagerly.

This kiss was different; I felt the fear of the unknown flow out of me. I was just Bella and he was just Jacob. We were still, above everything else, best friends. I had nothing to be afraid of around him. He was my sun, my protector, my Jacob. He pulled me to the bed, our lips still pressed together, and he laid me down gently, laying down beside me. I moved my head slightly, breaking the kiss to look at him. His eyes smoldered, and the tiny longing in my core grew, spreading a warmth through me that wasn't from Jacob's touch.

"We don't have to if you aren't ready," he murmured, bringing a hand to my face. His touch was hot, but my insides burned hotter, yearning.

"What if I want to?" I asked, so quietly I could barely hear the words. He gazed into my eyes, waiting for me to wriggle away, but when he saw no resistance, he leaned his face back to mine, kissing me. I wasn't afraid, and I didn't try to stop him. His hand slid down to my waist, tugging at the hem of my shirt. He pulled it over my head, and the burning in my stomach hitched, pushing out towards him, wanting to be closer. I wrapped my arms around to his back and pressed my fingers into his skin.

We molded together perfectly; this was not fire and ice but rather thunder and lightning, two pieces that made up a whole. I had been fighting him for so long that I wasn't sure how to let go, but it was so easy to touch him, to know where to kiss him, to know how to wrap around each other. Our relationship was so natural, like breathing, and this felt like singing. We were tentative, testing out the voice, the tone, the timbre, until we were perfectly in sync with each other, like two voices dancing through a practiced duet. I had been so afraid of myself, but I had been so wrong to be scared. I was alive, opening my eyes for the very first time, and it was Jake that I saw, my beautiful personal sun.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I'm so so so grateful to everyone that follows, favorites, sends messages, leaves reviews, and even just reads this! I love the feedback, so please, even if you hate it, keep it coming! Also I'm sorry I was slacking over Thanksgiving break, but I hope to churn out chapters a little faster now that I'm back home :)**

* * *

><p>That night, Jake had drawn me with him to a new place, a place Edward and I could never have been. We couldn't sleep, so alive with the new hunger between us, a desire for each other. We curled into each other, Jacob surrounding me, in our own world. He was gentle with me, and I felt myself craving more. We were quiet after, tangled up in one another. His hand absently stroked my hair, and I breathed him in like I had never truly seen him before.<p>

"Bells?" he murmured, his voice low in my ear. I shivered, and he drew me closer to him. "I love you." I sighed.

"Love you more," I mumbled, my speech garbled. I kissed him again, the new tingling inside of me humming with an emotion I couldn't name. I wondered, faintly, if this was what imprinting felt like. If it was, I understood what all the fuss was about; my soul burned for him, like he was a part of me.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked quietly. I sighed into him.

"Imprinting, actually," I said. I felt his head turn to look down at me.

"What about imprinting?" he asked, curious. I stared up at him, my Jacob.

"I just wondered what it was like." He moved his hand from my back to my hair, combing his fingers through it gently.

"A lot like this," he said softly. I smiled into his side.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked. He didn't answer, still running his fingers through my hair. He moved his hand around to my chest, resting his warm palm against my heart. I could hear the faint bum-bum beneath his touch.

"I was thinking how happy I am that you're still you," he said, a note of anxiety tinging his tone. I understood the meaning behind the words, his hand on my heart. I kissed his arm, ignoring the irritating bumping of Edward's tiny heart stirring. We were quiet again, my hand absently tracing the muscled lines of his stomach.

"Jake?" I asked after a few minutes. He made a small sound of acknowledgment, his chest vibrating. "I had a question."

"What's that?"

"It's about biology." He glanced back down at me, questioning. "I just thought, if you can heal so fast…well, I was just wondering if that extended anywhere else, too." He laughed quietly in my ear, sending another shiver through me in unfamiliar ways. He ran his fingertips down my back, gripping when he reached my waist, and pulled me back to him again.

Somewhere far away, distantly, I heard a screaming snarl of absolute raw agony.

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><p>From that night on, everything with Jake was different. I felt a foreign intensity in our contact, a burning desire in our lingering stares. I no longer wanted to be around other people with him, and we spent most of our time together alone, on the beach or in my room or in my truck driving around aimlessly, the presence of others like an intrusion on the aching energy between us. I felt like I was holding my breath whenever we were apart, desperate for him to return and breathe for me. For the first time, I felt like we matched. It wasn't Jake loving me without me returning his feelings or me wanting Jake but being afraid of his rejection; it was a mutual electricity, a shared passion for each other.<p>

Edward was a distant memory. His angry face didn't haunt my dreams, and his fuming snarling had receded into a blind shadow of rage. I took every memory of him, from the first day in the lunchroom to the sight of his back running from the pack, and tucked them away into a box, locking it. My mind, so consumed with Jake, was gracious for the relief from his torturous guilt. I finally took his crystal heart off of my charm bracelet and hid it under the floorboards in an old jewelry bag, sticking one of the last remnants of him down under the floorboards where he had hidden himself before.

For the first time, I looked into finding a place for myself. I was in no position to buy a house, but I hoped for an apartment or small home close to Jacob. La Push had no rental options, but Forks did; I found a small guest house, barely the size of a closet, that I could afford with my library job. It was tiny, but it was close to Jake, and I knew Charlie didn't want me living there forever. If I wasn't going to go to college, I reasoned, I at least needed to start my life.

Alice, after Jake explained his theory to her over the phone, was adamant that she come to Forks to test it out. He had grinned throughout the conversation, talking too fast and too loud. He didn't want to let me see, but I knew he was still terrified over her vision. The thought of me dying had been enough to drive him crazy when we weren't together; I could only imagine how painful it was for him now that I was truly with him. We didn't bring it up, and I tried not to consider the possibilities, though scenarios cycled through my head unconsciously sometimes. My life had been in danger for as long as I could remember, and this, strangely, was a familiar emotion. To me, worrying about when I would die was like an old friend.

The beach party was scheduled for the weekend before school started, and a week before, Alice came to visit. She brought with her an armload of thin boxes full of clothing that she had bought for me in Europe. I took the boxes from her gingerly and crushed her into a hug, her golden eyes dancing. I always forgot how much I missed her until she was back, her presence filling a gap I didn't realize had formed in her absence.

After spending time with me and Jake at Charlie's, we drove alone out to the Cullens' old house, still pristine and untouched. In a flash, she spread out a blanket in the lawn and sat down, patting the space in front of her for me. I laughed, leaning back on my hands. After days of constant rain, it was as if the clouds had run out of water, but they hung ominously, waiting to pour again.

"You have to tell me everything," she said excitedly, barely able to sit still.

"Everything is really broad, Alice," I reminded her. "Give me specifics." Her eyes glazed over for about a second, trying to pick one topic from the many that were bouncing around in her head.

"Jake said you're looking for a place to live!" she exclaimed, grasping onto something. "Is Charlie bothering you?"

"Not at all," I replied. "Charlie's wonderful. I just feel like, if I'm not in college, I should at least have a place of my own. Be a grown up, and all that." Alice's laugh twinkled around us like shimmering bubbles of light.

"Why not just live here?" She gestured behind us to the house. I wrinkled my nose.

"I could never live somewhere this big. Plus, I doubt Jake would like the smell." Alice laughed again, her head thrown back.

"You know Carlisle wouldn't mind."

"Yeah, but I would." She rolled her eyes.

"It's an empty house and you need a place to live on your own. What's the harm in taking advantage of the place while we're gone?"

"I don't think Charlie would be happy about it," I said finally, grasping at any possible excuse. She looked at me pointedly, seeing right through me.

"It's because Edward used to live here, isn't it?" I felt absolutely nothing at his name, to my surprise and, I found, relief.

"Partially," I admitted. "I just think it would be a little awkward, especially for Jake. And I was looking for somewhere closer to him than this." Alice thought for a moment, her eyes looking at something behind me.

"I hate not being able to see!" she cried. "Having Jake in the way, I can't tell what you decide!"

"I found a place, I think," I offered, and her eyes turned back to me in a flash. "It's small, but it's in town and I could afford it with my job."

"We should go see it while I'm here," she chimed, excited again. "I want to help you pick out furniture and color palettes before you make a firm decision." I groaned at the idea of paint samples and expensive furniture stores. I tried to change the subject.

"What else do you want me to tell you about? You did say everything, after all." She turned her gaze to me, her head slightly sideways, a teasing smile playing at her lips.

"I think you need to tell me about things with the dog," she said coyly. I raised an eyebrow, not following her train of thought. "I can see the way you two look at each other. Something big happened." My cheeks suddenly flushed bright red, and I felt even the skin on my arms burn with embarrassment.

"Oh, Alice, please don't," I begged. She crossed her arms over her chest, pouting.

"I thought I was your best friend," she complained, her beatific features souring. "At least tell me if I'm right." I sighed loudly.

"Yeah, you're right." She grinned.

"Is that why you want to move out of Charlie's?"

"No!" I said, too loudly. I cleared my throat, still uncomfortable. "I mean, no. I just want a place of my own."

"If you say so," she sang, laughing.

I had missed her terribly.

I called the landlord who was renting out the guest house, and he agreed to let me come back and see it again with Alice. We left her house after another few hours outside, after she had told me everything she could about her travels to find a vampire like her. Just as she thought, she found none who could do what she could, and the dead end had left her sullen. When I had called, she was in Greece, and the excuse to come home was a welcome one. I called Jake on the way over to the guest house, asking him to let Sam know about Alice being back in town. He asked me to call him when we were driving to La Push, the treaty on hold so that she could cross the boundary line.

The guest house was nestled in a small neighborhood behind a large yellow house, surrounded by a flower garden. It was light green with white shutters, the door smack in the middle. The roof was punctuated with a small brick chimney from the fireplace in the living room. The kitchen was small, but the white cabinets were new, and the fridge worked fine. The bathroom, connected to the tiny bedroom, had a stand-up shower instead of a tub and barely any counter for the sink. But, despite its size, the windows all opened, the appliances worked, and the water pressure was great; it was perfect.

Alice threw the landlord off-balance, his voice faltering as she greeted him in her musical tone. He was happier than the first time I had looked, obviously pleased that I had liked the place enough to return with a friend. Alice immediately loved it; even though the house was small, it had everything I needed, and she loved the quaint and cozy charm. She and the landlord discussed electricity and heating costs while I wandered through the rooms. I pictured my bed with my faded quilt in the bedroom, a tiny couch nestled under the window in the living room. I went back outside to join Alice, who was leaning in closer to the landlord, an older man named Ted. He looked dazed, intoxicated by her.

"I suppose that makes sense," he was saying absently, staring at her beautiful features. She smiled brightly, flashing her teeth, and he blinked.

"I'm glad you understand," she chimed, turning to face me. "Bella and I are so close, and I just want to make sure she has a great place that I can visit." He nodded his head, too fast, and turned to me.

"Alice here is so right," he said, still nodding slightly. "I'll include your utilities with mine so that you just have to pay rent. It's only right." I glanced at Alice, who was standing beside him looking angelic. I had forgotten how much of an effect the Cullens had on people.

"If you haven't found anyone else, then, I'd love to rent it out," I said, smiling wide. He smiled back, rubbing the back of his neck.

"That's great!" he said, looking back at Alice and thinking, I was sure, of how often she had probably promised to visit. "I'll go grab the lease right now." With that, he turned back inside the yellow house, glancing back at Alice twice before disappearing through the door. She smirked at me.

"You're lucky he's a man," she said slyly, folding her arms. "I wouldn't have gotten him down that low if he was a girl." I laughed, reaching over and pulling her into an embrace. She giggled with me, and I looked beyond her to my new home.

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><p>Jake was waiting for me at the boundary line, wearing the same plain black shirt – for Alice's sake – from the morning and looking just as uncomfortable as before. Alice pulled her canary yellow car over to the side of the road, and I threw open my door too fast, the sight of Jake making my brain fuzzy. He leaned down to wrap his arms around me, the tightness in my chest freeing me from its grip. He kissed the top of my head, and I gazed up at him, forgetting Alice, forgetting everything.<p>

"Hey," he said, grinning. I smiled back.

"Hey," I breathed. I pressed my face to his chest and inhaled, my lungs filling with him. His head whipped around suddenly, and he pushed me slightly away from him. I glanced up at him, confused, but he motioned to the Porsche. Alice, from the front seat, was smirking, staring at us. The heat of a blush filled my cheeks, and I took another step away from him. He reached down for my hand, our constant connection.

"Let's go!" Alice shouted, beeping her horn. I blushed again.

"Meet me at Sam's," he whispered, leaning down for a quick kiss. I rushed back to the car, watching him retreat to the forest. He was far too big to fit into the tiny sports car, so he ran, following us right at the tree line. I could see the streak of his russet brown fur as he trailed us.

"Isabella Swan," Alice scolded, glancing at me. The engine purred. "You were holding out on me. Don't you love me?" I rolled my eyes and turned back to the road, trying to pick Jacob out between the trees.

Jake beat us back to Sam's, lingering at the edge of the forest as we pulled up. Alice clicked her tongue a few times for emphasis, but I ignored her. I was amazed at how the sight of him made me feel, how his smile melted through me like warm honey. I tried to walk slowly and casually to him, but I couldn't bear the distance: I almost ran to him, grabbing his hand like a life jacket. I shuddered with the warm contact, the fullness filling my chest. He kissed the top of my head, my favorite.

"I'm hurt, Bella," Alice called from the car. In one of her inhumanly fast movements, she was suddenly right by my side, her arm snaking through my free arm. "You just left me by the car. You and the pup are very inconsiderate." I rolled my eyes, and Jake chuckled. The front door of the tiny house opened, and Sam stood in the doorway, looking tense. It took me a moment to realize that the strain in his eyes was caused by Alice being in La Push.

"Come on in," he said, trying to sound cheerful. Alice, trying to make it easier, smiled lightly. She constructed her features into a passive but friendly face. She led the way into the house, being careful not to touch Sam on the way in. He clapped Jake on the shoulder, eyeing him. Jake nodded. I wondered what the exchange meant.

"You have a beautiful home," Alice remarked politely. It was strange to see her in the house, always so full of wolves, and her presence felt almost wrong. Her beautiful face was almost too brilliant for the tiny living room. Sam, his eyebrows still creased slightly, smiled back at her, and she stood off to the side, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible.

"So last time," Jacob said, trying to break the tension, "Alice could see me when I could finally stop phasing. Do you want to explain it a little more?" He looked over at her, and she relaxed, moving forward slightly.

"As you know, I can see things," she said calmly. "Things change based on different decisions, though, so futures change frequently. I also can't see any of the wolves, which we always thought might be because of your uncertain future, what with your shifting. Some things are set in stone, though, and I looked at Jacob's future twice but saw Bella…I couldn't see Bella either time." Jake squeezed my hand, trying to keep his face composed.

"Sam, with you being older and more experienced with your phasing, you might be able to stop yourself from turning sooner than Jake, and that will make your future visible to me sooner. I must warn you," she said quietly, turning to look at Jake, "that this may not work. Whatever happens to Bella may still happen before I can see Sam. In that case, we'll at least know a time frame for when to expect…" She trailed off, and Jake's face lost color, his hand going slack in mine. I scrambled for him, wrapping both hands around his, squeezing. He looked like he would be sick.

"Jake, you can go sit on the couch," Sam offered, eyeing him. Jake nodded mutely, rigidly walking with me to the couch. He sat down in a trance. I rubbed his hand with mine. This had been a bad idea, bringing Alice back. Jake didn't have to be there for this. Still, selfishly, I was glad to have him, glad for his comfort.

"I think it would be best if you sat as well, Sam," Alice said lightly, her voice kind and almost professional. He nodded, taking a seat at the smaller couch. Alice folded herself lithely onto the floor at his feet, staring up at him.

"What do I need to do?" he asked, his nose wrinkling slightly.

"I'll need to touch you," she said. He inhaled sharply. "My visions work best with physical contact, especially in this case." He glanced at Jake, limp on the couch beside me, and took a deep breath.

"Go ahead," he said warily, watching her. Alice nodded and touched her hand lightly to his knee. He shivered at her touch but didn't pull away. Her eyes glassed over, searching for his future. It was very quiet for a few moments, which became a few minutes, which dragged onto five agonizing minutes.

"Is she all right?" Sam asked, glancing at me. She hadn't moved, a perfect statue perched on the floor. Jake sank deeper and deeper into the couch with the agony of waiting. I squeezed his hand and stood, sitting beside her.

"Alice?" I said quietly. She didn't move. "Alice?" I tried a little louder, but she was frozen. I peeked at Sam, who looked worried. Jake put his head into his hands, unable to watch. I put my hand onto her arm, and she jumped slightly. She blinked a few times and focused on me, her eyes burning into mine.

"Bella, I could look into Sam's future forever," she said softly, in awe. Sam cocked his head to the side.

"Did you see anything?" he asked. She shook her head a few times, clearing her thoughts.

"It's amazing what I can see with you," she said, looking at him with wonder. "Your future is so beautiful! Your children, your wife, your family…" Her eyes glazed over again, and I shook her slightly to get her to focus.

"Alice, we need to know more about me," I reminded her. She looked at me in agony, and my heart plummeted. Jake, having finally taken his head from his hands to watch, got up from the couch and ran out the door, quivering. I stood to follow, but Sam put a hand on my shoulder, holding me there.

"He'll be okay," he assured me. "Seth is out running right now, and he's a good listener. Right now, we need to figure this out." Alice looked pained.

"I still couldn't see Bella," she said softly. "You were already gone. Counting back from when I could see Sam, whatever is going to happen to you is coming soon." I didn't want to ask, but I had to know.

"How far ahead can you see Sam?" I asked timidly. She pursed her lips, not wanting to answer.

"A year," she whispered. A tremor rocked through me, splitting me apart. I felt the familiar tendrils of panic licking at my chest, and I had to turn away so that they couldn't see the blood drain from my face.

"Bella," Alice said quietly, touching her fingertips to my arm. "We can figure this out. I'm sure of it." I nodded numbly.

"I need to wash my face," I mumbled, standing. Alice let me go, her hand fluttering back into her lap. I heard her and Sam whispering intently as soon as I left the room.

In the stillness of the tiny bathroom, I felt the weight of Alice's vision crash over me. I was going to die in less than a year. I slumped to the ground against the closed door, covering my face with my hands. I craved Jake's comfort, his strong arms, his warm chest. I shook my head hard, trying to clear my thoughts. I felt suddenly drained. I left the bathroom in a hurry back out to Alice and Sam huddled together. They didn't notice me standing in the entrance to the hallway.

"Can you take me home, Alice?" I asked, my voice much louder than theirs. They whipped around to look at me, their faces pulled into concentration. Alice shot up, gliding over to me.

"I'll meet you out in the car in a second," she said, her voice soothing. "You can go out and wait for me." I glanced at Sam, who was staring at us, an unfathomable expression in his eyes. I went outside wordlessly, and Alice met me in the car a few moments later. She ran her hands through her pixie-cut hair, and it struck me as odd. I realized that I had rarely seen her stressed.

We drove in silence, her engine revving as she pushed the car faster. We got to Charlie's faster than I thought possible, and I hurried up the stairs, ignoring Charlie's questioning glance. I heard Alice behind me, placating things, as I sat down on the bed, my mind reeling. Alice helped me lay down against my pillows, and she draped my quilt over me. I was silent as she curled her legs up under her on the edge of my bed, humming a beautiful melody.

Jacob didn't come back. I ached for him, craved his touch, longed for his comfort. He was lost in the woods, running away from the fear that was almost pulling me under. I worried for him, above my fear, above my pain. He was alone; I knew how scary that could be.

We stayed there for hours, but despite my exhaustion, I couldn't sleep. I don't know how long Alice waited with me before she decided to leave. I barely noticed her leave.

A year. I was going to die, with Alice's certainty, within a year. I closed my eyes, spiraling down, down, down.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I can't believe the feedback I'm getting. I'm so glad you guys like this! I'll keep posting as long as you all keep reading :)**

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><p>When I finally woke up after a restless night of nervous dreaming, my head was pounding. I heard rain pelting my window, hard even for Washington. It was unseasonably cold and dark with the storm. I ran my fingers through my hair, glancing around my room. I expected to see Alice there, but she was still gone. It was the first morning where I had woken up alone in months. I felt strangely off-balance, like I was missing a limb. I peeked out my window at the driving sheets of rain and hoped Jake had made it home before the downpour; I hated to think of him out there in the middle of the storm.<p>

I showered and brushed my hair in a daze. Charlie was gone when I dragged myself downstairs, and I was grateful for his absence. I drank a glass of water, the only thing I trusted myself to keep down, and checked out the window again. The rain wasn't letting up, but I was scheduled to work at the library. I went back to my room to change, ignoring Alice's new clothes. Work, at least, would be a distraction.

The day was slow and people mostly stayed away because of the weather. I reorganized shelves slowly, trying to keep my mind occupied. I went up and down each row, moving books to their proper place, and I was consumed with the task, so much so that the end of the day crept up on me fast. The rain kept coming, lessening slightly but still drizzling when I finally left for the day. My truck slogged through the huge puddles with ease. When I got home, it was quiet and empty. I turned on the television just for the noise and made dinner absently.

I was floating, my headache still throbbing. I tried to think of other things: coat the chicken with marinade evenly, preheat the oven to 350 degrees, stir the pasta every two minutes. I didn't want to think about where I would be in a year. I pushed the terrifying possibilities of my death from my mind, focusing on cooking.

Dinner with Charlie was quiet. He didn't pry, but I could feel his eyes on me throughout the meal. I wanted to explain, but I didn't even know where to start. Alice knocked on the door while I was washing the dishes, and Charlie greeted her loudly, his voice travelling through the house. She helped me silently, drying each dish carefully. When she dried the last plate, I felt her hand on the small of my back, guiding me upstairs. I glanced at her, noticing the tiny water droplets glistening in her hair. I stood woodenly by the window as Alice shut the door behind us.

"I found Jake," she said after a moment. I turned to look at her. She stood with her hands entwined in front of her, her head slightly tilted. Her eyes, a beautiful light amber, were worried. "He said that he wanted to talk to you." I felt a wash of reprieve spread through me. My breaths finally reached my lungs, and I felt the release blossom in me.

"Where is he?" I asked, smiling slightly. She didn't return the gesture, her lips pursed. I was too comforted to notice her indifference.

"He's home. He asked me to wait with you until he could come over."

"How long?"

"He said he would be over once Charlie was asleep." I sighed, still relieved. I went to sit on the bed, the bed springs creaking. Alice wriggled her nose.

"Bella, you really should wash your sheets," she complained. "They smell like a dog." I laughed, my mood brighter with Alice joking and Jacob coming.

I was impatient to see him, and the few hours dragged. Alice suggested that I finally try on the clothes she had brought, her lip jutting out in a pleading pout. I agreed, and she removed the clothing from the boxes before I had time to blink. My mouth hung open as I took in the clothing, all bright and flowing, laid out on my bed. She sighed in exasperation.

"Bella," she said, frowning. "I bring you fabulous European souvenirs and this is the thanks I get?" I shook my head.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said, still staring at the thin fabrics, "but most people just bring back a postcard or something." She laughed.

"Honestly, it's like you don't even know me." I smiled and grabbed the first piece, a flowery top, and walked to the bathroom to try it on. Everything, as expected, fit perfectly, and though I didn't want to admit it to Alice, I did like most of the tops. The dresses were beautiful but impractical for Forks, too long and dressy. But I thanked her for it all anyway, hanging the new clothes up in my closet with the extra hangers I kept in the back. There was a tiny knock on my door, and I turned at the sound.

"I'm heading to bed," Charlie said, peeking his head in. "Try not to gossip too loudly." I rolled my eyes and he grinned, shutting the door. I stacked the empty clothing boxes on top of my desk and sat in my rocking chair to wait for Jake.

The rain finally stopped, leaving the air cold and heavy. Alice heard Jake before I did, and she went downstairs to let him in through the front door. I ran after her, my excitement at seeing him, at feeling the comfort of his warmth, pushing me down the stairs faster. He was standing by the front door, his chest bare, black sweatpants covering his legs. He was beautiful, and I stared into his eyes, expecting to see my relief mirrored there. Instead, I saw anger. I stopped short, my feet on two different stairs, frozen.

"We need to talk, Bella," he said coldly, staring at me with an unreadable expression. I thought I could see a hint of disgust in the way his nose twitched. I turned to look at Alice, but she was slinking through the doorway to the kitchen, retreating to give us privacy. I unhinged my legs and continued down the stairs, stopping at the bottom. Jake crossed his arms.

"I was so worried about you," I said in a small voice. He didn't move.

"I needed to think," he said simply, his tone icy. I shrunk back, my body angling itself inward involuntarily. I felt attacked, though I wasn't sure why.

"Did it help?" I asked, still staring into his eyes though they were unchanging.

"Yeah." He looked strange standing there. I had a flashback to another time, to the way his eyes narrowed when he had first become a werewolf. It was silent, and from upstairs I heard Charlie snoring lightly.

"I'm really glad you're okay," I whispered, taking a step towards him. The way he pulled his body backwards was almost imperceptible, but I still noticed. I stopped, my hands locked to my sides. I felt my face contort in sadness, rejection, pain.

"We need to talk," he repeated, still angry. I waited for him to speak, but his eyebrows furrowed deeper in concentration, like he was trying to find the right words.

"Are you mad?" I asked finally. His expression didn't change. "Is this about me not coming after you? Because I wanted to, Jake. Sam said I shouldn't, that you had Seth. But I didn't want you to be alone." He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. I had never seen him so disorganized, and it unnerved me.

"I think I finally realized something," he said after a minute, lowering his hand. He opened his eyes to stare at me again, and this time, they were filled with pain. I took a tentative step towards him, hoping he wouldn't pull away and exhaling deeply when he didn't. I waited.

"What?" He was quiet, watching me. We were still so far from each other, and I felt an insistent tug inside of me, yearning to grab his hand.

"Bella, you're going to die." His words did strange things to my insides. I felt the phantom pain of panic, and I tried to keep my face composed. I wanted to fall into him, but he was still so angry. I couldn't understand his expression. Was he upset with me for being fragile? Was it that I hadn't come after him, after all?

"I'm here now, though," I said, the best I could do. He shook his head sharply and took a step towards me. His expression morphed into something full of pure hatred. I was momentarily terrified, seeing him so mad.

"I'm not going to wait around for you to die," he seethed, spitting the words out through his teeth. "That's just not gonna cut it. I'm done. No more waiting. I'm over it." It was absolutely silent. I could hear my breaths coming out, jagged and uneven. I waited for his words to sink in, but I felt nothing.

"You're breaking up with me," I said slowly, my voice mechanical. I was numb. He nodded, his eyes still burning.

"This is bullshit and I'm done with it all," he fumed. "You're not worth it." I blinked a few times, waiting for the pain, waiting for the anger, waiting for something, anything. My emotions didn't exist; I was outside of myself, watching, waiting.

"I guess if you really feel that way," I said flatly. He nodded once, watched me for a moment longer, and then turned on his heel, the front door open wide after him.

I climbed the stairs stiffly to my room and sat on my bed, unfeeling. Alice appeared in my doorway without a sound and moved to sit beside me. Her hand grabbed mine, and I stared at the floor, her cold marble skin against mine. We were both quiet for a moment.

"Alice," I said finally, my voice still flat. I turned to look at her, but her expression was slack, her gaze unfocused. I furrowed my eyebrows together. Her grip tightened around my fingers, and her eyebrows drew together in concentration.

"Alice?" I repeated, questioning. She shook her head, closing her eyes. A smile broke across her face, and when she opened her eyes to look at me, I felt a prickle of anger at her. She was across the room in an instant, a tiny phone to her ear. She was facing the window, her shoulders tight, when the ringing stopped and someone picked up the other line.

"Jake?" she said, her voice buoyant. "It worked. I could see her."


	10. Chapter 10 - Jacob

**A/N: This was bouncing around in my head so I felt like spilling it out here! It's a little different, so please, let me know what you guys think!**

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><p>I couldn't stand waiting for Bella. I knew the bloodsucker was bringing her, but I was impatient. I could never seem to wait to see her. It was weird being apart, even if I knew where she was. I tugged at the collar of my stupid shirt again. Bella wanted me to wear it around the vamp, but I hated it. I felt ridiculous. I thought about ripping the damn thing in half just to be rid of it, but I knew Bella would be mad. I could even picture the little crease between her eyebrows and the tight line of her lips as she saw me. I'd never hear the end of it.<p>

When I finally heard their car, I perked up. I smiled involuntarily. Just thinking about her made me happy. And when the car finally sped around the corner, I stepped away from the trees to meet her. The vamp stopped the car, and Bella practically ran out towards me. I pulled her close to me and breathed deep. The vamp's smell cut through my nose like bleach, but I ignored it. Her heart pounded against my chest. I was amazed, still, at how it felt to hold her. I kissed the top of her head, and she sighed in content.

"Hey," I said. She smiled up at me. She was so beautiful. I remembered the way she had fallen asleep curled around me the night before, whispering my name in her sleep. Now that she finally stopped talking about Cullen, my name was almost all she said anymore. Every time I heard it, even after months of sleeping next to her, I felt like flying.

"Hey." I heard a faint gagging noise, and I turned to stare at the Porsche. The vamp was watching us with a huge smirk on her face. I pushed Bella away slightly, hoping she wouldn't notice, but she glanced up anyway. I nodded towards the car, pissed that she was watching. I wanted to be alone with her again. Bella sidestepped a little, so I reached for her hand. She squeezed my fingers back, and my anger with the little vamp faded a little.

"Let's go!" she shouted, and she honked the horn at us. I rolled my eyes. I leaned down and kissed Bella fast, hoping the vamp wouldn't start making noises again.

"Meet me at Sam's," I said in a low voice. I walked back behind the tree line and started taking off my shirt. I hated the damn thing; it was just more to carry around. When I phased, though, I forgot about it and ran, following their car onto the res. I heard the vamp teasing Bella, and I laughed to myself, imagining Bella's annoyed face. I got to Sam's before they did, so I phased back and got dressed.

My thoughts drifted to Bella and the fortune teller's vision. I never thought I could be so scared of anything. I wanted answers, and I was going to get them. I could hear Sam inside, bumping around. He wasn't happy about this. When he had the idea, he said we should meet somewhere else, but I insisted on doing it at his house. I thought it would be easier for him to calm down if he could see all the pictures of Emily on the walls.

Bella's face lit up when she saw me. I loved watching her eyes get bright and her cheeks flush around me. It was exactly how I felt about her, like I was a blind man seeing for the first time. She ran over to me, and I grabbed her hand and kissed her hair again. I knew she loved that.

"I'm hurt, Bella," the vamp said. She sped over beside us. Their weird super-fast movements were blurry even to me, and I wondered what it looked like to Bella. "You just left me by the car. You and the pup are very inconsiderate." I laughed, staring at her. She smiled mockingly at me. Ever since she had gotten past the shock of Bella leaving her brother, she had warmed up to me. I liked to think she even liked me, sometimes.

Sam opened the door, and he looked to me first. "Come on in," he said. I could feel the tension practically rolling off of him, but the vamp went first into the house like she couldn't tell. Bella's heartbeat picked up again from beside me, and I squeezed her hand as we walked in. He grabbed me in the doorway, and I could feel his discomfort at having the vamp in his house. I nodded very slightly at him for reassurance, and he seemed to relax a little.

"You have a beautiful home," the vamp said sweetly, and as she looked around, I could tell she meant it. I really liked her, and even though she reeked, she was easy enough to be around. I knew Sam wanted her out as soon as possible, though, so I tried to get the ball rolling.

"So last time," I said, watching Sam's reaction, "Alice could see me when I could finally stop phasing. Do you want to explain it a little more?" I glanced at her, and she visibly relaxed.

"As you know, I can see things," she said. "Things change based on different decisions, though, so futures change frequently. I also can't see any of the wolves, which we always thought might be because of your uncertain future, what with your shifting. Some things are set in stone, though, and I looked at Jacob's future twice but saw Bella…I couldn't see Bella either time." Her words ripped through me like daggers. I felt faint. I squeezed Bella's hand in mine. I needed to get a grip before I completely lost it like last time.

"Sam, with you being older and more experienced with your phasing, you might be able to stop yourself from turning sooner than Jake, and that will make your future visible to me sooner. I must warn you that this may not work. Whatever happens to Bella may still happen before I can see Sam. In that case, we'll at least know a time frame for when to expect…" She cut off, and the lingering words sent shots of ice into my bloodstream. I felt nauseous. Bella's breathing hitched up a notch, and she grabbed my hand with both of hers. I forgot how to move my muscles to squeeze back.

"Jake, you can go sit on the couch," Sam said, and I stared back at him gratefully. I moved mechanically over to the couch and sat down, Bella sitting close beside me. I tried to think of other things: Bella laughing, Bella swatting at me, Bella scowling, Bella breathing…

"I think it would be best if you sat as well, Sam," the vamp said to Sam, but I could barely hear her. He warily sat, and the vamp sat in front of him. They said something to each other, but it was just mumbling. Like the Charlie Brown noise when their teacher talked, wa wa wa wa.

Time dragged. The vamp was like a statue on the floor. I could barely think. I had to remind myself to breathe. I was suffocating with the dread of what she might see.

"Is she all right?" Sam finally asked. Bella hesitated for a moment before climbing off the couch and sitting beside her on the floor.

"Alice?" she said, her voice beautiful. I clung to the sound of it like a beacon. "Alice?" When she glanced at Sam, I could see the fear welling up in her eyes. I felt the blood drain from my face and buried my head in my hands. I tried to tune them out, waiting to hear the vamp's chilling voice.

"Bella, I could look into Sam's future forever," she finally said, the ringing almost hurting my ears. I wanted to stop listening, but I knew I had to hear. I needed to know what she saw.

"Did you see anything?" Sam asked. Agony built up inside me.

"It's amazing what I can see with you," she said with a strange tone. "Your future is so beautiful! Your children, your wife, your family…" As she trailed off, I almost lunged at her. She was prolonging my pain, and I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to know. I lifted my face from my hands and focused on her. Her pale skin was taut, and she didn't look happy. My stomach tightened.

"Alice, we need to know more about me," Bella said. And when Alice turned to face her, I felt something in me break. I didn't need to hear the words to understand the look in her eyes. I felt the heat spreading over my skin and I knew I was about to phase. I got up as fast as I could and ran from the house, stumbling over the front steps. I got as far as the trees before I had to stop and bend over as my stomach heaved. I puked until nothing came out, and I slumped against the tree, aching.

I needed to leave. I needed to go far away. I couldn't let Bella see me this way, sick and weak and tortured. I managed to take off my shirt and shorts before the vibrations consumed me, and then I was running. I could feel another voice in my head, questioning.

_What happened, man?_ Seth asked as he trotted around in a clearing about 10 miles away. I wanted him to get out of my head, but I couldn't find it in me to fight with him. I kept running.

_Jake, slow down,_ he whined. Such a child. I pushed myself faster, farther, and ignored Seth.

_Do you want to be alone?_ he asked, and pity colored his voice. I snarled, pissed. Not only was Bella going to die, but now everyone else had to know about it, too. I just wanted everyone else to go away.

_Yeah,_ I growled. _And tell Sam to keep everyone human. I don't want anyone in my head._ I felt Seth agree lightly.

_We're here to help you, Jake,_ he said, and then he was gone. I ran faster than I had ever run before. If I put enough space between myself and La Push, maybe the torture would go away. I pushed myself to keep going, leaving Bella behind.

* * *

><p>I stopped running when I came across a familiar precipice on top of a mountain. I hadn't known where I was going until I reached it, but when I finally stomped through the tree line, the clearing was there. I remembered Bella as she was then: torn, unsure about her feelings for me. I thought about how wonderful it had been when we kissed. And I thought about the agony of having to leave her to get down to the fight, putting on a mask of eagerness when really I was aching to stay.<p>

I had always known that I loved her, but that day had pushed it over the edge. Kissing her sent me somewhere I thought only existed in movies. She was the most important part of my life before, but when she kissed me, actually kissed me back, I was gone. I didn't exist anymore without her. She was the only thing that mattered. And now, she was going to die.

I curled up on the rock, the clouds finally spilling over with rain. I didn't mind the water, never did. I shook my head out, trying to clear the thoughts running through it. Involuntarily, Bella's death screamed through my mind.

Bella screaming, the steering wheel of her truck spinning, the wheels hydroplaning, the other car becoming brighter and brighter in her headlights…

Bella moaning, her body mangled and bloody, a vampire stalking back towards her…

Bella falling, the cliff above her fading, the water and rocks below her getting closer, closer, closer…

Bella with her eyes closed tight, the passenger plane careening out of control, smoke billowing from the engines, the other passengers screaming…

Bella terrified, lost in the woods, the low growls of a bear approaching, her eyes wide with fear…

Bella sick, lying in a hospital bed, her hair falling out, her chest sunken in, the heart monitor beeping too slowly…

Bella choking, gasping for air, the light fading from her eyes…

I had thought about losing her before. When she was with Cullen, I had thought about her dying until I couldn't breathe anymore. I had to be ready for her to die when he turned her into one of them, and so I had replayed the thought of her dying to myself a million times. But this was different. This time, she would die and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I howled in agony, lost in the pain of losing her.

* * *

><p>It was dark when I finally heard something coming towards me. Its feet made almost no sound as it glided through the forest. I knew, instantly, that it was a vampire, but I couldn't find it in me to sit up. I was ready for death, and welcomed an attack.<p>

The fortune teller emerged from the trees, but only just barely. I couldn't look at her, and I turned my head away. She took a step towards me, hands in the air like a criminal walking towards a cop.

"I have a plan," she said, clear as a bell. I ignored her. Bella's screaming rang through my head, threatening to drown out the bloodsucker's high-pitched keening voice.

"You have to listen to me," she said, suddenly angry. "You aren't the only one who would lose her if she dies." I turned back to face her, and in her eyes I saw the agony that was ripping through my chest.

I just stared at her. She was breathing heavily, though not from the effort of running. She was furious, and I knew she was hurting, just like me. I lifted my head a little to look at her, and in her arms I saw the bundle of clothing that I had left in the forest by Sam's house. She watched me with unflinching intensity.

"Change into these," she said, laying the clothing on the ground in front of her, "and I'll be back in five minutes. Compose yourself. It's very important that you are calm for this." With that, she turned and ran, water from the rain falling behind her. I got up carefully, feeling like my legs didn't work. It took me a full two minutes to calm down enough to phase back, but I clung to the bloodsu – Alice's, I forced myself to think – words. If she had a plan, it was at least worth listening to. I got dressed carefully, waiting. I had no strength left in me, and I slumped back against the rock face, the rain pouring.

She emerged again, her face calmer now that I was back in human form. She danced over to me and sat down beside me, her back against the rock like mine. Her acrid smell filled my nose, but it was almost bracing; physical pain was always easier than psychological torture. She didn't speak for a while, just watching the rain.

"When she first moved here, I saw her becoming my best friend long before Edward even spoke to her," she said suddenly. I almost laughed. Of course. The fortune teller could be sure of her future.

"I barely remembered her," I said, my voice hoarse. "I mean, she'd been around as a kid, but I hadn't seen her in years. It didn't take long for me to get it, though. I knew pretty quickly." Alice sighed lightly, nodding.

"We can't let this happen to her," she said quietly. I didn't know how to answer that.

"You said you had a plan?" I asked, glancing back at her. Her eyes were glossy against the rain, but I recognized the look as her creepy future-seeing look. I waited for her to snap out of it.

"I still can't see," she said finally, shaking her head to break the trance. "That's where my plan came from, actually. I've been trying to see you and the rest of the wolves when I should've been trying to see her." I raised an eyebrow, not following.

"But you can't see her, so what's the difference?"

"Maybe there's a way that I _can_ see her." There was a loud clap of thunder from the clouds overhead, but we didn't jump. A few miles away, I heard a bear rooting around in the mud and a small family of rabbits hiding deeper in their burrow from the rain.

"She's not the one that has to stop phasing," I said in defeat. "We are. And if we can't stop soon enough, then our futures don't mean a thing."

"Exactly," she said with a sudden burst of excitement. I raised an eyebrow at her. "So what if we were to make her future show up without having to wait for you to stop changing? What if we could figure it out right now?" She finally had my curiosity. I angled my body towards her, and her eyes were alight with a fervor that I fully understood.

"Then I would say we should do whatever it takes to make that happen," I said fiercely. Alice grinned and angled herself towards me. We were facing each other, no longer leaning against the rock.

"You aren't going to like it," she said carefully, the grin still plastered on her pale face. "But if it might save her, wouldn't you do anything?"

"Anything in the world."

"You have to leave her." I stared at the tiny vampire in front of me in shock. Leave Bella? I didn't know if I could do that. Anything in the world was minimal compared to that.

"Leave her?" I repeated, trying out the words in my mouth. They tasted sour, like a cuss word. She nodded quickly.

"If you break up with her, your future would no longer cloud hers!" she cried, rain streaking down her face. She looked crazed. "If you left her, I could look into her future again and see what happens to her!" As her words sank in, I felt a tiny fluttering in my chest. It took me a minute to recognize it: it was hope.

"You're brilliant," I said, a smile slowly spreading across my face. This would work. I could feel it.

"You'll have to be so convincing that it takes root immediately," she said, her voice speeding up wildly. "Once you decide to stick with it, and once she firmly believes you're leaving her, then her future should clear up right away. I'll be able to see her again, and then I can check months into her future. All I have to do is touch her and I can see, and that should be easy enough…" She rambled on, planning. I stared up into the sky, watching the rain fall on us. I felt a tugging in my stomach like a lingering flu. Alice kept babbling, and I tried to keep up with her rant.

"…to do that. Of course, it'll kill her when she thinks you'd actually leave her, and I would have to slog through months of her agony to finally see the point where she dies, but-"

"Hold it right there," I interrupted. The tugging in my stomach was finally clear. "I can't do this. I promised Bella I would never hurt her again." Alice stared at me incredulously.

"Jacob Black," she said, shaking her head slightly. "I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation. Bella is going to die and we have no idea how. You don't think that the possibility of preventing her death is worth hurting her? I think she'll forgive you." I shook my head.

"I don't think she'd forgive me," I said, my voice tight. I couldn't believe I was about to start crying like a baby. "The last time I left her, she went back into catatonic shock. I don't think she would be able to look at me the same way if I did that to her again." Alice sighed loudly.

"Bella will be fine," she said, irritated. "I'll help you to explain it to her, once we know what happens and how to stop it." I felt uneasy still, but she was right. Bella could be mad at me for months if she wanted, but if we could find a way to stop something terrible from happening, I would take her not speaking to me for years. I nodded at Alice, and she beamed, her face lit up through the rain.

* * *

><p>"All right, Jacob," Alice said. "I'll be there with her throughout the night to wait for you. Whenever you're ready, come up to the door, and I'll meet you there." I nodded, feeling edgy. Having a vampire as close as she was, standing a few inches from me in the cover of the forest, was unnerving. Bella, her heartbeat a beautiful sound, bobbed around the library just beyond where we were standing. I could hear her re-shelving books, humming quietly to herself.<p>

"I'll be waiting out behind her house," I said evenly, listening to Bella moving inside. "Once Charlie goes to sleep, I'll come. Tell her I'm home and just waiting for it to get late." Alice made a noise of agreement, her eyes back on the library.

"You'll have to be painfully convincing," she said distantly. I tried not to think about what I would say. "She needs to know immediately that you're leaving her for good. That way, her future will clear up."

"Sure, sure," I agreed absently, still listening to Bella walk around inside.

"The hardest part of all of this is that you have to commit to leaving her and never coming back. That's essential in order for this to work. You have to be completely out of her future in order for me to see her." I shuddered slightly at the thought.

"I'll try," I said honestly. She glanced at me, and her eyes softened.

"I know how hard this will be for you," she said gently. "But once we know what happens to Bella, it will all be worth it." I agreed, still uncomfortable but pushing it away.

We followed Bella back home and listened in relative silence as she walked around her kitchen, cooking dinner. Alice and I talked strategy, smoothing out timing and wording. I started feeling the beginning pangs of dread when Charlie pulled up, which quickly turned into full-on panic as Alice prepared to go wait with Bella for me.

"Are you ready?" she asked, turning back to me. "I know this will be tough, but I need to know that you can do this." I nodded stiffly, and she hesitated only a moment longer before approaching the house. As soon as Charlie let her inside, I was suffocating again.

How was I going to hurt Bella again? And how was I going to be able to do it without giving it away? I tried to picture the hurt in Bella's eyes again to prepare myself, but I couldn't bring myself to think about her. I had no idea how I was going to convince her that I was leaving. Didn't she know that I would never leave her willingly? There was no way she would believe any lies I told.

And, even if she did believe me, I had to resign myself to a life without her. I had to make even myself believe that I wasn't going back. I wanted to run, but I was frozen to the spot. How was I going to convince myself that I could let her go?

It felt like years passed as I waited outside for my heart to slow enough to go up to the door. I knew I could never be ready, that I could never really hide every bit of the agony that I was feeling just thinking of hurting her. I thought of her limp body in the woods when Sam found her after Cullen left, and I concentrated on her face, on her zombie-like appearance, until I was ready to go knock on the door.

* * *

><p>When the time came, I still wasn't ready, but I was stalling. Charlie was asleep, and I knew Bella was in there, waiting for me. I thought about Bella dying, her death repeating over and over in my head, and I somehow found the courage to stand. I walked with my head up and took a steadying breath. Alice opened the door before I could knock. She stared at me for an unbearable moment, but I nodded. She pursed her lips and touched her fingers to my arm. Her cold touch was almost painful, but it reassured me, somehow. I breathed in one last time before I stepped inside.<p>

I would never again feel Bella's heart pounding against my chest. I would never run my hand through her hair, never feel her shiver under my fingers. I would never hear her whisper my name, never hold her close as she slept soundly beside me. I would never see Bella again. My heart fissured into a million pieces and exploded in my chest, gone.

Then the phone rang.

"Hello?" I shouted breathlessly, begging, pleading, please please please.

"Jake?" I heard the smile in her voice. "It worked. I could see her."

And then I was running.


	11. Chapter 11

It took me almost an hour to finally calm down enough to listen to Alice. She was patient, though, and waited for me to be ready to listen. I paced around my room in anger, fuming. I put together the pieces of the plan on my own before she could explain, and I had thrown a pillow at her, furious. She stood by my door, statuesque, waiting for me to relax.

And then Jacob came back.

I thought I was asleep and dreaming when I finally heard him. He threw the front door open loudly, running up the stairs like a rocket. He stood in my doorway, his eyes locked on mine, his breathing heavy. My heart dropped, and my breath flew out of me like I'd been punched. In his eyes was the rawest emotion I'd ever seen, as raw as the joy in his kisses, as full as the fury when he almost shifted in his garage so long ago. His eyes were open wide, the pain and relief and grief and elation almost spilling from them. I had no idea what expression filled my face.

We were frozen, staring at each other. And then he was reaching for me, and I fell into him, my heart aching. I smacked his chest with my fists, anger and relief twining together into an indiscernible mass of emotion. He let me hit him, his arms around me, one hand running through my hair. His hands trembled against my skin, and he kissed the top of my head gently. I felt the tears coming, but I bit them back, trying so hard not to cry. He cupped my chin and lifted my face to his. Seeing the absolute bliss in his features broke something in me; I cried, trying to control the noise. He held me, and I was comforted by his presence, as I always was.

Alice waited until we had both calmed down, Jacob's hands no longer shaking and my sobs reduced to pathetic sniffling, before she moved from the corner of my room. She looked pained, her eyes hard. I wiped my eyes with my shirt.

"I am so sorry, Bella," she said quietly. "I hate putting you through this." I sniffled again.

"I'll forgive you in the morning," I said, my voice hoarse. A tiny smile turned up her lips, and Jake rubbed my arms.

"Please don't blame Jacob," she said, her eyes turning to him. "This was my idea."

"Just tell me what you saw, Alice," I said impatiently. She bit her lip and glanced at Jake.

"It was nothing," she said, and her voice started speeding up. "You were just…being you, and it was a freak accident that can easily be avoided, and I'm upset with myself for thinking it was anything more than just an coincidence because of course you would be the type to almost kill yourself just driving around town." She shut her mouth tightly, and I blinked.

"Anything else?" I asked, trying to gauge her reaction. She moved, almost as if being unhinged, and came to stand beside me and Jake.

"I really was overreacting," she said, smiling lightly. "It was a rainy day and you skidded. I should never have worried you with my frenzied crisis at not being able to see you clearly-"

"I'm not upset with you, you know," I pointed out. She gave me a look.

"-and I'm just glad it's something preventable. It's nothing to worry about. You'll be fine. I'll talk to Jacob and make sure that, on that day, he drives you to work instead." I sighed. The knots in my insides untangled, and I felt a warm tangible relief flow through to my fingers and toes. Jake wrapped his arms around my shoulders and chuckled.

"Nothing to worry about," he repeated. I leaned into him and breathed.

* * *

><p>Alice decided to stay in Forks until the beach party in La Push after Sam – relieved with her vision and, I suspected, slightly proud of her devious plan – had invited her along. With only a few days left until the party, she went into a whirlwind of planning, calling every furniture gallery and antique shop within a 200-mile radius to design my tiny new house. I didn't try and stop her, though I knew I would have to rein her in eventually; my bank account wasn't as big as she seemed to think. I planned on my own, happy with whatever furniture Charlie was willing to give to me.<p>

He had taken it much better than I'd expected. I told him the day after Alice's plan, cornering him in the morning before he went to work. He was on his guard, watching me and Alice with cautious eyes.

"I have something I have to tell you, Dad," I said, trying to sound calm. He raised both eyebrows, switching between the two of us.

"You better not be moving to Maine with her and the rest of them," he said in a low voice. I laughed, a little too loudly. Alice didn't look phased.

"No, Dad," I said, holding up my hands in reassurance. "I'm staying here."

"Well, good," he said, folding his arms. "That's better."

"It's something a little along those lines, though," I said in a very tiny voice, hoping he couldn't hear.

"Are they moving back?" he asked. He had heard me. I sighed, defeated. Alice cleared her throat, and I glanced at her. She looked annoyed, like she was going to just burst out and say it before me. I rolled my eyes.

"They're staying in Maine," I said. "But I'm moving out." It took a moment for it to sink in, but as soon as it did, the first emotion across his face was pain. I scrambled, trying to find the words.

"No, oh god no, it isn't about you!" I cried, my hands fluttering around. "I just figured that I should get a place for myself, and you must be getting tired of me living here now that I graduated, and-"

"Bells," he said, interrupting me. "Just stop." I exhaled slowly. "I knew you'd want to move out eventually, especially with Jake spending the night half the time anyway." My eyes got huge and a deep blush spread across my cheeks. Alice beside me laughed her tinkling laugh, and Charlie smiled like he was teasing.

"Jake doesn't-I mean-we don't-" I spluttered, my entire body hot. I wanted to sink into the floor.

"It's fine," he said, chuckling. "Why do you think I haven't said anything? But you two should learn to keep it down when you talk all night. Jake talks like he's shouting at you." I tried to breathe evenly, but Alice just kept laughing. Charlie beamed at her.

"I'm sorry," I said sheepishly, ashamed and embarrassed. He shook his head, still smiling.

"I told you, it's fine. I knew you'd be moving out soon, though. It can't be fun for him, having to sneak around at night." I was still blushing, and Alice was still trying to compose herself. I was in hell.

"I'm not moving out because of Jake," I muttered, staring at the floor. That set Alice off again, and she had to dance over to the couch to sit down. Charlie stepped a little closer to me.

"I know, Bells," he said gruffly. I glanced at him, and he was suddenly serious. "I'm teasing. But I know you've always been so independent, and I knew that this was coming. You're staying in Forks, which is more than I can say for…" He trailed off, but I didn't need him to say my mother's name for me to know who he was talking about.

"Oh, Dad," I mumbled, moving closer. I wrapped my arms around him in an awkward hug. Charlie was never big on hugs, but he squeezed me back. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll show you the place I found, too. It's really close and I can still see you all the time."

"You already found a place?" he asked in disbelief. "Wow, you don't waste any time." I blushed again, the redness creeping back onto my face.

"I'm sorry," I repeated.

"Kiddo, I'm teasing again." He ruffled my hair like he used to when I was a kid. "I'm always here for you. When's move in day? I'll help you get all of the furniture in. Alice, have you seen the place yet?"

"Of course!" she called from the couch, turning over around the back of the sofa. She was instantly grinning. "It's so cute, you'll love it! I've already started calling the furniture stores here in town and let me tell you, their selections are abysmal. I was thinking maybe we could take a trip down to Seattle to shop…" Charlie moved to the couch with her to talk logistics. I stood a few feet away, letting the blush fade from my cheeks and trying to get a grasp on myself before joining them.

* * *

><p>"Bella, I need the blue rug from that store in Portland!" Alice shouted from inside, her voice angry though still beautiful. I sighed loudly, and Jake laughed, leaning against the side of the moving truck. Charlie was inside, helping to put away plates in the tiny kitchen. The living room was the task at hand, and Alice was at the end of her rope with me. Apparently, I wasn't as enthusiastic as she wanted me to be.<p>

"Bella," she had said the day before, holding up two different throw pillows that looked, to me, almost identical. "These are both so different. How can you not see the variations in stitching patterns?"

"Bella?" she had called out, her voice drifting back to me from behind a tall bookshelf. "Come here and tell me which of these plate sets you like."

"Bella!" she had cried in exasperation. "If you don't make a decision on which towels you want, I'm going to scream!"

Moving was tough.

I had, at first, been extremely adamant about my indifference for furnishings. I finally admitted to Alice that I just didn't have the money to afford the types of stores that she had in mind. She had brushed me off, excusing the huge expense as a house-warming present from her and the rest of the Cullens, and when I had refused that, she had threatened me with a shopping trip. I had gone along with her quietly after that.

Charlie, to my immense surprise, was just as excited as Alice about my new place. His house was homey but almost bland, and I had never expected him to have any desire to help Alice map out the decorations. But he threw himself into the planning with excitement to rival Alice's fervor. Maybe it was because he wanted to still be involved in my life. I couldn't be sure.

Jake went along with whatever I wanted, which was a nice change from Alice and Charlie's united front. He was there to squeeze my hand when Alice got to be too much or kiss the top of my head when Charlie snickered at my discomfort. Jake, after hearing Alice's vision, had slowly brightened back into his old self, but I felt that he was holding something back. I would catch him staring at Alice across the stores, his eyes as distant as hers, and I'd wondered what had happened between them, what they were hiding. But, if I asked, he would quickly change the subject, wrapping his arms around me to distract me.

Moving in was an entirely different story. Alice, who, despite the occasional outburst at my apathy, was on a rampage, and she flitted around the tiny house at a speed that was much too fast for a normal human. Charlie, thankfully, was too busy organizing the kitchen, which he had taken as his personal project; he made sure I had all the right cooking utensils and pans and serving bowls and things that I didn't even know I needed. Jake and I had tried to help at first, but Alice's deadly cold stare had caused us to retreat outside, sitting around the moving truck that held my entire life, new and old. Our job was to bring her furniture that she then placed with a frosty "no, thank you" when asked if she needed help.

"You should bring that rug in," Jake said, shaking me from my thoughts. "She might start screeching again." I shuddered, remembering the shrill voice that had burst from the open front door when I had taken too long to bring her my shower curtain, and grabbed the rolled-up rug from the truck. When I brought it in, the place was transformed. Charlie was busy organizing the small appliances on the kitchen counter, but Alice had created a living room straight from a magazine. The couch, picked from an antique store in a tiny town almost 100 miles away, was a light green, which matched perfectly with the rug that she snatched out of my arms. The walls were decorated with canvases full of flowers, daisies and sunflowers and tulips and flowers that I didn't recognize. The coffee table matched the end table next to the couch, and beside that was a small armchair in dark blue that somehow complemented the green couch. Alice smoothed out the rug, placing a few of my books onto each corner to hold it down, and flitted into the bedroom.

"Go have Jacob bring me your desk," she called from the room. I leaned around the doorframe and saw her fluffing out pillows on the bed. Charlie had been fine to let me take my old bed, but Alice insisted on something fancy. The headboard was vintage and beautiful, and the bed was bigger than my old one. She turned around to face me, looking irritated. She made a face, motioning to the door.

"Oh, right, desk," I said, hurrying back out to the moving truck. Jake was laughing, his entire body bent over. I smacked him hard, but he only laughed harder. I threw my hands up in exasperation and went back inside. I turned into the kitchen, where Charlie was standing back a few feet staring at the new toaster he'd gotten me. He smiled at me when I walked up and patted the counter beside him. I leaned up against it next to him.

"I think this place is great," he said, still contemplating the toaster.

"Thanks, Dad," I said, smiling back at him. "And thank you for all of your help with this. Seriously, Alice is crazy and Jake is just taking up space."

"I heard that!" Alice called from the bedroom, and I heard her huff loudly.

"Love you too, Bells!" Jake shouted between his laughter. I shook my head and turned to Charlie. He was smiling wide.

"When you visit, leave them here," he joked. Alice poked her head out of the bedroom and made a face. I laughed, the sound filling the house. With all of the blinds open and the front door letting in the rare sunshine, their presence, happy and annoyed together, made it feel like home.

* * *

><p>I gave up. I tossed my shirt to the floor and flopped back onto my bed. The rain pattered away on the roof of the tiny cottage, but it was letting up. Alice was always sure of the weather.<p>

"What now?" she asked, peeking around the bathroom door. She was swiping a brush through her hair expertly. I grunted, and she laughed.

"I'm not going," I said definitively. "We can just tell Jake that I fell and broke my ankle on the way out. He was talking about that loose stepping stone in the garden all day yesterday."

"It'll be fun, Bella!" Alice said, her voice chipper. "I love big parties! Just try this on. This one will look great, I promise." She tossed a shimmery lump of clothing at me, and I held it up by the very thin straps with dainty disgust.

"This is way too flashy," I said, trying not to be rude. "This is something you'd wear."

"I know," she replied easily. "It's mine." Of course.

"Well, I'd rather just wear something plain."

"If you wear that, Jacob wouldn't be able to keep his eyes off of you." I rolled my eyes.

"The last thing I want is attention, even from Jake." She sighed and moved inhumanly fast to my open closet, rifling through the clothes hanging there. I waited only a second or two before she held out one of my favorite blue shirts.

"This is a favorite, right?" she asked, her head still stuck in my closet. "You wear this all the time. You know you look good in this." She turned and stuck out an old pair of jeans in the other hand. I smiled gratefully.

"Thanks, Alice," I said, taking the clothes. "I promise, I'll dress up for the next big werewolf beach party." That set her off, and her ringing laugh danced around the house.

As Alice said, the rain had stopped completely by the time we pulled up to La Push in her flashy Porsche. When we got out, I saw Seth, walking up with his mom, eyeing the car. He gave me a wide smile and bounded over to us, never afraid of the vampires the way the other wolves were.

"Hey, Bella!" he exclaimed, giving me a hug. He was definitely another 6 inches taller than before, and if he didn't quit growing, he would be as tall as Jake soon. "Hi, Alice!" He waved at Alice but didn't stand away like most of the pack. I wondered if the smell bothered him. She beamed at him, her teeth gleaming.

"Have you ever been to one of these parties before?" she asked him. He waved one hand at her dismissively.

"Sure, sure," he said mockingly, winking at me. I laughed. "They're so fun! You'll have a great time, I promise!" Alice, still glowing, linked her arm with mine and almost marched down to the beach. The rest of the pack was there already, and Jake started over when he saw us. My heart fluttered at the sight of him, dressed for once in a tight white t-shirt and dark jeans. He was absolutely beautiful, and I felt, for the first time, like I paled beside him. But when he reached out to me, tangling his fingers into mine and pulling my chin up to kiss me, I felt like there was no one else in the world that we could be with.

"I'm glad you made it," he said teasingly, glancing back at Alice. She laughed, her arm still linked in mine. The stark difference between the icy skin of her arm and the fiery touch of Jake's fingers was startling.

"She was going to fake a broken ankle," she said, making a face at me.

"That stepping stone?" he guessed. Alice laughed, one short sound.

"How'd you know?" He rolled his eyes and kissed me again.

The party was big, but it wasn't as big as my wild imagination had thought. When I had laid awake the night before, pulled tight to Jake's chest, I had thought up the worst: hundreds of people, too-loud music, and at least one person puking on me by the end of the night. It ended up being the pack and the wolf girls, plus everyone's parents and a few friends from their school. I was comfortable with them, and I let myself sip on a soda while people skipped stones on the water or threw off their shirts and jumped in. Alice, surprisingly, was friendly and animated, moving between the wolves with ease and grinning at me whenever she slid past. I stayed with Jake, our hands locked together, and I felt like I belonged.

Charlie helped Sam drag a large grill down to the beach from Sue's house, and Charlie and Billy cooked dinner. They couldn't get the burgers out fast enough for the pack, and every time they flipped a burger onto a bun, it disappeared. Alice eventually ordered pizza, which stuffed everyone enough to settle down. We arranged ourselves along the beach on logs and rocks, making a crooked circle. I didn't talk often, just listening to the conversations around me: Seth, talking to Colin about a girl he liked at school; Sam, talking with Emily about more wedding plans; Sue, whispering to Charlie and Billy about how worried she was for Leah. Leah, who had run off after the fight, had been gone almost the entire summer. She never phased, wherever she was, because no one could ever hear her. Emily had tried to smooth things over with Sue, making up some story about going with a friend to southern California for the summer, but I think Sue knew better.

The clean night air grew chilly, and Jake rubbed my arms to keep me warm. I glanced around at the other wolf girls, the imprints with their boys, and they were all so happy. I tried to picture Jake and I imprinted, the nagging strange but not unbearable. I trusted him enough to stay with me, and if he ever imprinted, we would jump that hurdle then. Things were close to perfect, and I couldn't imagine anyone coming between us, all weird wolf-y feelings aside.

When it got dark, Sam lit a bonfire in the middle of the group, and the boys roasted marshmallows. I declined the only one Jake offered before he stuffed four in his mouth at once. Alice, who had been wrapped up in conversation with Emily, twirled over to us. Her eyes were as bright as stars. She told me about the amazing pack dynamic, about the individual lives but the combined mentality. She had talked to the wolves who, after Victoria, seemed comfortable with her, and she loved the attention. Jake went with Sam to set up the fireworks, and I stayed with Alice, huddled together and talking about the wolves.

I glanced up, catching Charlie's eye and smiling. He winked, grinning, before turning back to an animated conversation with Sue. Paul and Jared were fighting over the last marshmallow, smacking each other over the head. Seth was with Quil and Embry, sitting in the sand at their feet, listening like a tiny child to their story. Everyone was wrapped around each other, like a tiny heartbeat of excitement and shared stories and laughter. I leaned my head against Alice's shoulder, staring around the circle at the people who had accepted me, who had become a family.

The fireworks exploded above us suddenly, and then everyone was on their feet at the edge of the water, gasping and cheering and shouting at the lights over the ocean. I felt Jake sneak up behind me, snaking his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my head. I heard him hum in content, and Alice squeezed my hand before swaying away to Charlie. I stood with Jake, the fireworks booming all around us, and I felt like I could do anything. I felt dangerous and beautiful and fun and wanted. I turned around, still in Jake's arm, and kissed him, my perfect sun, as the fireworks glittered back down to earth.

* * *

><p>Alice drove me home after the fireworks. The party scattered, and people left, yawning. Jake kissed me on the cheek, and I promised to call him once I was home. Charlie, still not used to me not living with him, waited around for me for a few minutes before he remembered I wasn't going with him. I saw him sneak off, trying not to let me see his mistake. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't mention it and climbed into the Porsche.<p>

"That was so great!" Alice exclaimed, speeding faster than usual. "I'm so glad I was invited!"

"I'll tell Sam how much you loved it," I said, watching her. She was practically jumping in her seat.

"I never get to do normal human things anymore, not since we moved to Maine! I really missed these types of things!"

"Would it be crazy to ask if you'd ever move back?" I asked, trying my luck again. She smiled, still happy.

"If Jasper is still as bored as I am, then I'll ask him if he would consider it." I perked up, not expecting an agreement.

"Really?" I asked, sitting up straighter. "But what about everyone else?" She shrugged.

"You know our stories, Bella. Jasper and I weren't created by Carlisle, and though we love them, we wouldn't be against living away from them for a few years." She stared straight ahead, thinking. I sat back in the seat, grinning at the thought of having Alice back in town.

She pulled up to the house and nudged it silently into my narrow driveway behind my truck. We went inside and packed up her things, Alice darting through the house picking up her things. I helped carry her bags out to her car, and she hugged me tightly, holding me a beat longer than usual.

"Be safe," she said quietly in my ear, and then she pulled away to kiss my cheek lightly. In less than a second, she was in the driver's seat and turning on the car, pulling away with a wave. I stood there watching her, wondering what she meant. I shook my head, trying to clear it, and went back inside. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and went to click on Jake's name.

When I saw him, I almost screamed. His pale skin stood out against the soft moonlight streaming in through the windows, and his eyes were pitch black, staring at me. I put my hand over my heart and could feel it pounding unevenly beneath my fingers. He wasn't moving, frozen like a cold statue against the far wall.

He was still achingly beautiful, his face boyish but almost older, pulled down slightly like the years had finally begun to age him. His lips, angled down into a tight frown, were still full. The prominent dark circles under his eyes were too noticeable, and I could see that he hadn't fed in possibly weeks. I didn't know what to do. Running seemed silly, but something in me told me that he was dangerous.

"Hello, Bella," he finally said. The liquid silk in his voice spilled over his lips, and I had to blink hard to compose myself. My phone clattered to the floor noisily, but we ignored it.

"Hello, Edward," I said, trying to sound cold. He didn't take his eyes from mine.

"I like the new house," he remarked lightly. I was appalled at his composure, at his easy demeanor. "It suits you."

"It was all Alice," I replied, the coldness fully faded from my tone. I couldn't rip my gaze from him.

"Ah," he said simply. It was quiet again.

"Why are you here?" I blurted out, my thoughts tumbling. He chuckled quietly.

"I could see it in your eyes," he said, still watching, "when Alice lied to you. You knew that something was wrong."

"Lied about what?"

"About how you died." My blood ran cold, and my jaw felt like it turned into gelatin. I couldn't move.

"She was lying?" He nodded, and his eyes narrowed.

"Against all better judgment, yes, she was lying." I tried to understand what he was saying, but it took me a moment for the implications of his visit were clear.

"I didn't die in a car accident," I said flatly. He shook his head.

"Alice believed it necessary to hide the truth from you. She and Jacob Black didn't want you to worry." My eyes glazed over. It was hard to make out his fuzzy shape in the corner.

"Worry about what?" I asked in a small voice. He took a step forward, his expression an agonized sculpture.

"The Volturi."

I fell, fell, fell, into the darkness.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait! Finals are torture :P Hopefully I'll get back into the routine after this week, just be patient with me!**

* * *

><p>"Hey, honey!" Jake sang. My grip tightened on the phone in my hand.<p>

"Hi, Jake," I said flatly. I faked a cough, and I heard Edward chuckle from the living room. I stood up from my bed and walked over to stand in front of the window. The rain was light, calm.

"Is Alice gone?"

"Yeah."

"I'll come over, then!" He sounded like such a teenager, too happy.

"Jake-"

"We haven't been alone in your new place yet," he interrupted, his voice low and husky. I shuddered. The anger in me receded, and I smiled.

"I know," I whispered, cupping myself around the phone. I heard a noise behind me and whirled around. Edward was standing in the doorway, his arms folded in front of him. He looked annoyed.

"I'll leave right now," Jake said over the phone. I could hear the grin in his voice. I shook my head, staring at Edward.

"Jake, not tonight, okay?" He was quiet for a second.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. There was a tone in his voice that I couldn't make out. I bit my lip, remembering how angry I had been, how afraid I was. Edward raised his eyebrows, and I nodded at him.

"I feel like I'm coming down with something," I lied, coughing again. "I don't want you to catch it."

"Bells, I'm fine. Let me come take care of you."

"No, Jake," I said, firmer than I meant it to be. He exhaled loudly.

"All right," he said, defeated. "Call me tomorrow?" I tried to speak, my mouth moving around like words were trying to form, but nothing came out. I hung up before I could start sobbing.

"That was quite a performance," Edward said coolly, his voice beautiful and sarcastic. I ignored him, pushing around to the living room. I sat on the couch and sunk into the cushions, my head in my hands. I could feel Edward staring at me.

I had already broken down in fear. I had already crumpled to the floor and watched as panic swam in front of my eyes. I had already pulled myself together, gathered the broken pieces of myself into a mangled shape of terror. I didn't cry or scream, sitting there on the couch; I was already numb. I lifted my face to stare at Edward. He hadn't moved from the doorway to my bedroom.

"How long have you been back in Forks?" I asked, tackling the easiest of my questions for him. He shifted slightly.

"I just returned," he said, frowning. I rolled my eyes.

"So I just imagined you spying on me in La Push at the beginning of the summer?" I asked haughtily, shaking my head at him. His eyebrows pulled together in anger.

"You were in serious danger." His voice was icy. "That mongrel almost killed you."

"Jake wouldn't hurt me." He laughed loudly and moved too fast to the middle of the room and back to the doorway, pacing.

"You think that he wasn't going to kill you? You've always been a magnet for trouble but I never thought you would be so stupid as to-"

"Just stop!" I shouted. He froze in place, turning to face me. "This isn't about Jake. I'm not interested in arguing about him." Edward narrowed his eyes.

"I've been in Forks since a week after my family left," he said in a low voice. "I was in Denali until Carlisle relocated to the other coast, and I came back just after."

"How come Alice hasn't seen you?" I asked, thinking back on our conversations. She never mentioned him being here.

"I asked her not to tell you," he said easily. He flitted over to the blue armchair and sat down lightly.

"She knows?" I tried to connect Alice slipping out, explained away as errands or allowing me to spend time with Jake, with meetings with her brother.

"She agreed to keep it a secret from you. I agreed not to let you know that I was here, though, so I suppose she'll be upset with me about this." I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I couldn't watch them lie to you any longer. You needed to know the truth." My mind was still reeling.

"How do you know what happens? I doubt Alice would've told you." He rolled his eyes and tapped the side of his head.

"She can keep me out most of the time," he said, smiling slightly. "But when she was sitting in your room and seeing it for the first time, she couldn't. She can never stop me from seeing her visions as they happen. I see what she sees." My stomach dropped, and the panic that had swallowed me before began to itch in my chest.

"I still think you're lying," I said evenly, trying to control my voice. He laughed the same beautiful laugh that I remembered, and the tiny heart inside me, his heart, stirred for the first time in weeks.

"What possible reason would I have for lying?" he said, still chuckling. "You know, I think, that I'm right." I bit my lip, but he stared at me with raised eyebrows.

"I thought Alice was just relieved," I whispered, averting my gaze. I couldn't watch his dancing eyes, see the tiny darts of fear pass through them. "I kept catching her staring at Jake. I always let them brush it off, though. I feel like such an idiot." Edward rose from the armchair and sat beside me on the couch. The closeness of his body was electrifying. I hated myself suddenly, horrified at my reaction to him. I scooted further down against the arm rest.

"Don't blame yourself, love," he said quietly, his hands folded in his lap. "Alice is a very good liar."

"Edward, don't," I said, shaking my head again. "I picked Jake." He was quiet for a moment, and I snuck a glance at him. His entire face was pulled down in a pained frown, his eyes staring at the wall but glazed over.

"I still think you should know," he replied, his voice strained. I stood up from the couch and went into the kitchen, needing the distance. I leaned against the counter, staring out the tiny window above the sink. The rain outside was light, but the darkness shrouded everything.

The tiny heart in me pulsed. I wrapped my hand around the tiny feeling, down in my stomach. I thought of the first time I'd met Edward, how he had been so cold to me. I wished the coldness had never ended. I wished I'd never spoken to him after that day.

"I thought that it would get easier, not being able to hear your thoughts," he said gently, and I jumped, wheeling around to see him standing in the doorway. "Having you gone, knowing that you are no longer mine...I hoped I would one day forget the frustration of not hearing you."

"I'm glad you still can't," I said angrily.

"Please, tell me what you're thinking." There was a fire in his eyes as he took a step closer. I folded my arms across my chest, weighing whether or not to answer.

"I was thinking of that first day in biology," I said, eyeing him. His fierce face broke into a wide crooked smile, my smile. His heart in me bounced once, twice.

"I don't often think back that far," he said, still smiling. "I tend to think more about the class that we talked. You were so tenacious. It was so funny how angry you thought you were." I found myself smiling back.

"You were so confusing," I admitted. "I just couldn't stop thinking about how angry you'd been the first class. I felt like you were making fun of me by talking to me again."

"I would never taunt you." His tone was mocking, his smile widening. His heart stretched, shaking off months of his absence. I tried to hold in the feeling, but it was like breathing. Laughing with him was so natural, so ingrained. I pushed away from the counter and turned to angle myself toward him.

"Tell me what Alice saw," I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. My feet ached to close those few steps between us, to fall into him. His smile faded, and he furrowed his eyebrows. It took me a moment to see the pain in his face.

"Are you sure?" he asked, watching me. It took me longer than it should have to nod, but I did, my head bobbing up and down. He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face, the stress rolling from him in waves.

"Alice and Jacob came up with the plan to see you, though it was mostly Alice's idea." He sighed, his voice strained again. "She thought that, without the dog, your future would clear up. She knew that he would have to be convincing, and that was the hard part for them. If Jacob faltered or had any inkling of doubt that he would return to you, your future would have disappeared again. He had to commit to leaving you, and when he left Charlie's house that night, his thoughts were agonizing. I almost couldn't bear to listen to his pain..." I felt a tiny fissure in my chest, a small break, as I thought of the toll the plan had taken on him. I imagined him running so far from me that he could forget. I closed my eyes and wobbled slightly, tortured at the thought of his unbearable pain.

"I'm sorry," Edward said immediately, stepping towards me and putting a steadying hand under my elbows. His cold touch sent jolts of something through me, energizing his little heart. I pulled away, my skin still zinging where he touched me. His hands stayed in place where my elbows had been, his eyes alight with a desire that I recognized, a desire that burned in me. I pushed past him, ignoring the electricity in my hands with the contact. I rushed to my room, shutting the door tightly and leaning my back against the cold wood. I slumped to the floor.

How could I have let Jacob hurt for me? How could I crave Edward's touch? I was disgusted with myself. The rain picked up, pattering against the roof. I focused on the sound and tried to drown out the roaring anger inside of me.

"Bella?" Edward said worriedly through the door. "Do you still want me to continue?" I considered it for a moment, grasping at the distraction.

"You stay out there and I'll stay in here," I clarified, my head falling back against the door with a tiny thud. It was silent on the other side of the door. I wondered if he was sitting against it.

"It took a few moments for Alice to see you," he said distantly. I tried to focus on his words, remembering the night. "I could see her mind reeling, faster than I've ever heard it. She was so determined to see you. And then, all of a sudden, you were there. It was such a simple picture: you were in Charlie's backyard, sitting on a new piece of lawn furniture, and you were on the phone with your mother. The sun was shining, and it was warm out. You were in short sleeves, a plain black shirt. And you were smiling, listening to your mother prattle on. It was such a small image, but it was the first image of you that Alice had seen, and she grabbed onto it with a fervor that I could feel.

"She pushed at the borders of her vision, trying to see past it, and there you were again. You were at the library, filing books. Your arms were full and your hair was shorter, but it was you, and Alice kept searching. Images of you were coming at her all at once: driving your old truck, meeting up with Angela and Ben before they left for college, cooking dinner for Charlie in his kitchen, lying in bed draped in a sheet, alive and living and well. I was amazed at Alice's gift, as she typically cannot see things in such a way. She can watch a person for their future, but it doesn't often come in a bombardment as yours. It was overwhelming for her in your room, and it was overwhelming for me miles away, listening.

"It took Alice months of your beautiful life until she saw the Volturi. They were interspersed for only a moment before they flitted back out. It was Jane whom she finally saw. She was in your room while you were at work, standing in the middle of the room looking around at your things. She looked angry. And then it was another month after that before Alice saw you opening a thick letter from them. It asked you to meet them in Volterra. It was polite, but even you knew the implications. Alice of course saw you leave, but she was still in Maine. I was in Denali visiting Tanya, and so I didn't know. Alice raced to you but you were already on the plane by the time she arrived.

"You were very welcomed by them. Aro was again amazed at your gift of shutting them out, and he asked about your life. You were very honest. You told them that you had left me and chosen another. You admitted that he had left you, as well. You were surprisingly strong. Aro asked what you hoped to do after, and you told him of your plans to go off to college the following fall. Alice saw you calling Dartmouth a few months after Angela left for school, and they were willing to reinstate your previous acceptance. Congratulations, by the way." I heard him chuckle lightly. I thought about Dartmouth, about living in a dorm and going to class with a backpack full of textbooks.

"Aro was impressed with your tenacity. He had invited you there after Jane had visited your room and found no fresh trace of any of the Cullens, and he was relieved to know the reason for our absence. But he finally got to the reason for your invitation, and..." He trailed off, and I shuddered. I wanted to beg him to keep going, but my mouth was too dry to form words. I waited and hoped.

"He said that your agreement was to become a vampire," Edward said, and his voice was full of a pain that I could only imagine. "You told him that you had chosen to live a human life after leaving me. His face was annoyed and angered. He asked you to wait around in the city until they came to a decision of what to do. You were so scared, Bella. I could feel it, even through Alice.

"You had to wait days. Alice finally got to you, but by then, you had a guard that would not allow you to leave the city. The two of you spent the days together, and you called your mother and Charlie to tell them that you loved them. You called Jake, as well. He didn't pick up, and you left him a voicemail. You still loved him so much. You cried for hours after you had to hang up. And you called me, at Alice's urging. I was still in Forks, so confused with your absence. Alice was not answering my calls, and I had no idea where you had gone. But I knew, almost immediately, when you said you'd had to leave. I got on the earliest flight I could, but I was already too late.

"Jane escorted you back to Aro, and Alice refused to leave your side, despite your urging. Aro was very upset to see Alice, and it forced him to pause. They had already decided that you were to die, but they did not want to kill Alice as well. They asked her to leave, but she refused. And when they told you their verdict, that you had to choose between becoming part of the Volturi or dying, you chose the latter. They were forced to kill Alice to get to you. And then Alice's visions stopped completely, absolutely black."

I felt a tightness in my chest and realized I wasn't breathing. I couldn't bring myself to move. Imagining Alice, tiny Alice, facing down the terrifying and menacing vampires that had haunted my nightmares, cloaked and deadly...

I could hear Edward talking on the other side of the door, but I couldn't understand. I heard a rumbling in my ears, like an earthquake. I wrapped my arms around my legs and tried to remind myself how to breathe. Far away, I could hear a singing noise, jingling. I realized it was my phone, still sitting on the coffee table where I'd left it. I pushed my hands against my ears, drowning out the phone and Edward and my own pounding heartbeat.

I don't know how much time passed before Edward was there. He was suddenly beside me, and I could feel him there though my eyes were closed tight. I lifted my head to stare at him, and his face was warped, his eyes strained, his lips tugged into a grimace. I wasn't crying, though I felt like breaking. My hands fell from my ears and wrapped around my legs again, holding myself together. Edward reached a hand out to me, touching me on the arm. I didn't pull away, still trying to get past the roaring of the earthquake in my head.

Edward rubbed my arm gently until the noise in my ears receded. I let him lead me back into the living room and onto the couch. I sat down carefully, my eyes on my phone. He noticed and picked it up. He scoffed at the screen and tossed it back onto the coffee table.

"She never gives up," he said under his breath. I pulled my legs up under me and leaned my head back onto the back of the sofa, staring at the ceiling.

"Is she coming back?" I asked flatly. My voice was emotionless, stale. Edward didn't answer, and I didn't push it.

"Jacob called," he remarked carefully. I picked my head up and stared at him. He was cold and hostile.

"Did he leave a message?" Edward shook his head. I reached for my phone and checked. I had 8 voicemails from Alice and one from Jake. I clicked it to listen.

"Bells, I just got a call from Alice." His voice poured from the phone, too fast, frenzied. "She said that I should go over to your place but she didn't say why. Is everything all right? I'll come by if you need me. She sounded really freaked, and it's got me worried. If I don't hear from you in like ten minutes then I'm coming over." The phone clicked off. I checked the time of the call, and fifteen minutes had passed. Suddenly, panic clenched at my chest.

"Edward, you have to go," I breathed, scrambling off the couch and grabbing his hand. I tried pulling him towards the door, but he wouldn't move.

"Why?" he challenged, his eyes narrowed. "I'd love to see Jacob Black again." I bit back my own sarcasm and kept pulling, willing him to move.

"I don't want to do this right now," I said, straining against him. "Just go."

"He'll know I was here. What does it matter if I'm still here when he arrives?" His head whipped around then, his nose crinkling slightly. "I guess we're about to find out." I let go of Edward's hand and ran to the front door, throwing it open just in time to see Jake pulling up on his motorcycle. The rain had soaked his shirt and hair, and his eyes found mine immediately. I felt myself relax unconsciously, my hand reaching out in the rain for him. He stepped off the cycle easily and rushed to me, pulling me into a hug that lifted me from the ground. The rain was cold but bracing, and I felt my head clearing. I breathed him in and realized I was no longer angry with him. He ran a hand over my wet hair, smoothing it down.

"God, Bells, don't scare me like that," he whispered in my ear, and I shivered, tightening my arms around him. He kissed the top of my head and instantly stiffened. He dropped me to the ground roughly, and I tried to regain my balance. I reached out to him for support, but he was already gone. I heard Edward's furious snarl from inside the house and ran inside. Edward was crouched low to the ground, but Jake was standing with his arms crossed, almost at ease.

"When are you gonna learn that she just doesn't want you around, leech?" Jake sneered. Edward's lips curled back over his teeth.

"That's funny, coming from you," Edward growled. "I used to say the same thing about you." I stepped forward, standing between them. I put my hands on Jake's chest.

"Jake, please, don't," I begged, trying to get him to look at me. His eyes were on Edward. "This isn't about him." He laughed haughtily.

"You stink like him, Bella," Jake scoffed, finally looking at me. I wanted to cower from the anger in them. I dropped my hands to my sides. "Wanna tell me what's going on?"

"You did this by lying to her, mutt," Edward said mockingly. It only took Jake a moment to understand what he was talking about, and then his eyes were widening.

"You didn't," Jake whispered, staring at him incredulously. Edward looked smug. I took a step backwards, wanting to run.

"I was just telling her what she deserved to know." Edward rose from his crouch tentatively, his eyes still burning into Jacob.

"We only wanted to protect you," Jake breathed, turning to me. I couldn't look at him. "We were just trying to protect you." I turned away from them both.

"Both of you, get out," I said through clenched teeth. I was angry, tired, terrified, furious, disgusted. I just wanted to be alone.

"I'm not leaving you alone with him," Jake said in a low voice. I whipped around to stare at them.

"Get out!" I was screaming, but I couldn't find it in me to stop. "Just get out!" Edward nodded very slightly and flitted out the door, his body a blur as he slid around us. Jake just watched me, his hands balled into fists.

"I'm not leaving," he repeated, his voice on the verge of cracking. I shook my head violently and pointed a shaky finger at the open door. He hesitated only a moment before he too left.

I took a breath, waiting. The silence was calming. I walked over to shut the door, standing against it with my forehead on the cool surface. I waited for something, anything, unsure of what I was holding out for. I just breathed, in and out, in and out.

The Volturi was coming. And I had to be ready.


	13. Chapter 13

It took me hours to fall asleep. I took a shower, trying to wash off the pain, as if I could make everything disappear down the drain. I had to turn off my cell phone to avoid the incessant calls from Alice and Jake. I expected someone to show up: Alice dancing through the door, Jake looking down at me with guilty eyes, Edward angry and frightening. But no one came. And as the night drew out longer, I finally found sleep, lying on the living room couch draped in a blanket.

The world moved, like I was on a boat on the ocean. I opened my eyes and saw Alice, her eyebrows pulled together in concentration, with Edward standing beside her. They weren't looking at me. I shut my eyes again and pretended to be asleep.

"This is never going to stop," Alice whispered. "There's nothing we can do to stop her from getting herself into trouble."

"I didn't ever stop caring for her," Edward said in a hard voice, turning away from Alice to face the kitchen. "This is just part of the difficulties of wanting her."

"You aren't the only one that wants her safe," Alice chided. "We all do."

"Even if we're all trying, it won't be enough." His voice was moving, like he was pacing back and forth. Alice sighed.

"I love pizza," Alice said. Pizza? I opened my eyes, and there was Jake. He was sitting at a small table across from a girl with dark hair, the air filled with the smell of cheese and oregano. I stared at him, but he wasn't looking at me; he was looking at the girl across from him.

"Well, that's why we're here," she said, laughing. A huge grin spread across his face.

"Are we gonna be adventurous today?" The girl shook her head fast.

"The last time we were adventurous, it was awful."

"It was just some habaneros," Jake said, chuckling.

"My tongue burned the entire ride home!" She shook her head again, slowly, and reached across the table for his hand. Their fingers laced together easily.

I realized who she was. I walked around to stare into my own face, watching Jacob from across the table. I was smiling, my hair spilling across my shoulders. I looked around and recognized the restaurant; it was a place Jared had told us about, a tiny pizza place in Seattle that he claimed had the best pizza on the entire west coast. We'd been twice before, agreeing with him. This third time, though, was different. It was only a few days after that night we'd spent together, the night that we had both let our guard down, let the walls crumble. We were different; everything was different.

"Maybe just cheese this time?" Jake suggested, cocking his head to the side. I remembered this truce, the easy way he'd squeezed my hand. The me at the table smiled, and my own lips tugged up to mirror hers.

"Maybe."

* * *

><p>My eyes snapped open with a jolt. Morning had come, but the rain hadn't let up from the night before. I rubbed my eyes and sat up slowly, feeling like I hadn't slept for long enough. My dream was still floating in the forefront of my thoughts, and I ached for Jake, despite my anger at him, despite the fear inside of me. I brushed my teeth, hoping it would help me to feel better. When it didn't, I tried showering again, despite my hair still being slightly damp. I turned the water as hot as it would go and stood under the stream, feeling my stress melt away. When I finally turned off the water, I finally felt relaxed.<p>

I turned my phone back on. Alice had only left one more voicemail after I had turned it off, probably knowing that it not ringing meant I wasn't going to answer. Jake hadn't left any messages after I turned it off, which made my stomach swirl with the tiny tendrils of longing. I clicked on his contact and held the phone up to my ear, hoping.

"Bella?" he said almost breathlessly after just one ring. I bit my lip.

"Hey, Jake," I said in a tiny voice. He sighed loudly.

"It's really great to hear your voice," he whispered into the receiver. I didn't know how to answer that.

"Can you come over?" I asked, unsure of what he would say.

"I'll be there in five minutes." His answer was immediate, unthinking.

"Okay."

"I love you," he said, and the call clicked off. I took a deep breath. I tried to tidy up, but my hands were too cold and clammy. I waited for something: a noise, a flash of movement. I thought about my dream, my memory, and held onto the peace of being there with him.

It only took him three minutes. He knocked on my door urgently, the noise too fast. I opened the door to see him standing in front of me, hair glistening from the rain, his bare chest covered in tiny droplets. I smiled unconsciously, my chest opening up to let me breathe again. He grabbed my hand and squeezed.

"I missed you," I said, staring at him. His eyes were full of pain. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. He pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me, the cold of the rain seeping through my thin shirt. He kissed the top of my head, and I sighed, unable to be angry with him. His fingers combed through my wet hair lightly. I pressed my fingertips into his back, relaxing into him.

"I missed you too," he whispered into my hair. I didn't want to move. He pulled away first, his hand finding mine instinctively. He tugged me towards the couch, and we sat beside each other, quiet. I rubbed the back of my neck with my free hand and sighed.

"I'm so sorry, Bells," Jake blurted out. "Alice and I were just trying to help. We wanted to figure things out before we told you. We didn't want to worry you if we could figure out a way to stop it before it happened. You gotta believe me, I just wanted you to-"

"Jake," I interrupted, squeezing his hand gently. "I'm not mad." His mouth was still open, his breath still held to explain more. He exhaled in a puff.

"You aren't?" I shook my head.

"I just needed some time to think." He nodded slightly.

"When Alice first told me, I lost it," he admitted. "It wasn't until after that night that she told me. She lied because she wanted time to figure out what happened. She said that there was no way that any of them would've come here without a good reason. She thought someone must've told them, or something weird must've happened." I thought about my conversation with Edward after coming back from Italy, how he'd told me that they didn't think of time the way we did.

"Edward said they probably wouldn't think about me again until I was 30," I said, my mind drifting back. Jake nodded.

"Alice said you'd be closer to 40. Which is why she was so freaked when she saw them. She said it didn't make any sense."

"Does she have any idea what could've made them come so soon?"

"She was looking. She's been trying to figure it out every second of every day." I imagined her searching the future endlessly, trying to see just a glimpse of the Volturi's decision to come. I wondered what she wasn't seeing.

"They could just be wrong," I said after a minute. Jake looked at me questioningly. "Maybe they underestimated how much the Volturi wants me dead."

"I doubt that. You aren't as special as you always convince yourself that you are." I made a face at him, and he smiled.

"I'm being serious," I urged, but he shook his head.

"Alice said that Edward got into the leader's head. He saw too many other problems in there for you to be their number one priority like this." I bit my lip and stared down at my hands in Jake's grasp.

"Then what else could it be?" Jake's eyes glazed over slightly.

"We thought someone had to have said something. She said that no one in her family would dare, even the blonde one that hates you. And I told her that none of us even knows where they are, so the wolves are out."

"Alice said Rosalie hates me?" I asked. Jake laughed.

"That's what you pick out from all that?" He lifted my hands to his face and kissed my fingers. "I was just adlibbing. Anyways, I told her that it had to be one of them. After all, no one else even knows what the Cullens are, let alone anything about the creepy bloodsucker royal family in Italy."

"No, you're right," I agreed. "It would have to be another vampire. But maybe no one told them. Maybe something else gets their attention."

"Alice couldn't think of anything that would bring them here. The Victoria thing was about the only thing that makes them do house calls like that, and Alice didn't see anything like that when she was looking at you." We were both quiet, and my mind raced.

"What about me?" I asked finally, staring up at him. "What if I called them? What if I did this to myself?" Jake shook his head immediately, almost ignoring me.

"Alice saw how scared you were. You couldn't have called them."

"Then what happened?"

"We don't know, Bells," Jake said, and I could hear a tiny hint of annoyance in his voice. "Alice and I have had this conversation before and it just never gets any better. We don't have any idea what it could be. But she's searching, and I'm here to keep you safe until she figures out what it is."

"I just want it all to be over," I whispered, leaning into him. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me tightly to him.

"I won't let anything bad happen to you," he said in a low voice. "You're my girl." I pulled my face away slightly and smiled up at him. He moved his face down to kiss me, and when his lips brushed mine, everything disappeared. I wasn't afraid; I wasn't alone. I dug my fingers into his back, and he sighed into me.

"I love you," I said breathlessly, my lips still on his. He breathed heavily against me, his chest rising and falling. His hand trailed to my hip and pushed back my shirt to touch bare skin, and I shivered. His fingers wrapped around my waist. I kissed him again, long and deep, and he drew me into his lap. He picked me up gently and carried me, his lips still on mine, to my room. And I wasn't afraid, wasn't hurting, not with Jake there again.

* * *

><p>I called out sick from the library that day, a first for me. Jake and I stayed in my room, wrapped around each other, comforting the other. The broken pieces of myself, the agonizing memories that seeing Edward had brought back up, disappeared. I had chosen Jacob for a reason, and Edward was just an old love. I loved Jake in a way that I never had with Edward; I could feel it in the way Jake ran his fingers so lightly down the length of my arm, the way he breathed into the hollow of my neck, the way he held me beside him. I knew that Edward's little heart in me, still fluttering from seeing him, would fade with time.<p>

I called Alice, who was more apologetic than Jake had been. I explained that I wasn't mad, and she told me about what she had seen. Her story matched with Edward's retelling almost down to the exact wording. She assured me that she was watching them constantly, hoping to get a glimpse of what could make them come back to Forks. I reminded her that Jake was there to make sure I was safe until she came back, and she promised to visit again soon. Her reassurance was comforting, and I was able to relax.

Jake ordered pizza after a few hours. I told him about my dream, of the memory of the pizza restaurant in Seattle. He smiled, taking a bite of the slice in his hand.

"I remember that," he said, almost distantly. "You were wearing that new dress you found with Angela."

"I was." I thought back to that day too, a week before, when Angela and I had taken a day to drive to Port Angeles. She had been glowing, so happy about getting a dorm close to Ben, and I had reveled in her joy. I'd found the dress in a tiny local boutique on sale, and when I had put it on, Angela had insisted that I buy it to impress Jake.

"Remember the first time you wore a dress around me?" I laughed, covering my mouth full of pizza with my hand.

"Let's just pretend that never happened," I said, pointing at him with my pizza slice. He shook his head, grinning.

"That was such a great day, though!" he whined, child-like.

"For you, maybe."

"You know you had fun." I rolled my eyes at him. I had worn the dress at Alice's urging, who told me that I should try and look really nice for Jake one day just out of the blue. The dress was old and a little small, and it clung to my body too tightly, but I wore it anyway, feeling ridiculous as I drove to La Push. I met Jake down at the beach for a picnic, a usual date, but when he had seen me, his eyes had softened and he had pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around me too inappropriately for public. I had protested, and he had jokingly pushed me on the arm. I was clumsy, though, and I lost my balance. I fell on my butt into the shallow water, the waves lapping at my thighs. He had laughed so loudly that he almost fell himself, and I had felt so free.

"Just eat your pizza," I said mockingly, sticking my tongue out at him. He took a bite pointedly and beamed.

* * *

><p>I wanted my life to get back to normal, and I tried. There was no use in worrying, Jake said. We were happy, and that was what was important. I was alive, and we knew the timeline for when the Volturi would come. I had months; Alice said it wouldn't happen until around April. We spoke about it in hushed tones, in code words, never calling the nightmare by name. It made it easier for me, not having everyone talking about the Volturi all the time.<p>

Alice called about ten times a day, and almost every time, she asked for Jake. The two of them would whisper at each other through the receivers, Jake's back hunched away from me, his hand casually covering his mouth. I tried to ignore these strange calls, tried not to think about what they were discussing. I wanted to move on.

Jake started school again. It was extremely difficult to be away from him, now that I needed him so much more. The breathlessness, the strange hollow sensation that I felt whenever we were apart, was intensified now that I knew I was going to die. I felt almost panicked, like I would see Jane standing among the rows of books in the library or along the side of the road as I drove away from La Push. When I tried to tell Alice about it, she brushed me off. She reminded me that everything was under control and that it would be months until anything happened. Still, I worried.

The only one who made me feel in control of everything was Edward. It was almost impossible to ignore him, knowing that he understood. He proved himself useful, too, when he came to meet me at the library on a particularly gloomy day. He had walked so casually up to me at the counter like we were friends. He told me he knew I was still scared, despite my objections, and he said that he knew just as much as Alice did. They talked constantly, he reasoned, and she told him everything. He also said that he knew that she wasn't telling me anything, and he promised to tell me whatever I wanted, so long as I didn't tell Alice.

I settled into a new routine: Jacob spent the night with me and left in the morning – always grouchy, always trying to think of an excuse to skip – for school and I would go to work, where Edward was waiting. He had gotten a job alongside me at the front desk, dazzling my poor old boss with his charm, so that we had time to talk. He told me about Alice's talks with Jake, who had told the pack everything. My around-the-clock guards had been removed with the danger delegated to a finally-known date, and the pack, for the most part, had accepted Alice's vision as a sure thing. I even felt that Jake was less careful with me, knowing that I would survive until spring break.

Alice and Jake, during their phone conversations, were still trying to figure out what caused the Volturi's movement. Edward told me that Jake was convinced that there was no reason while Alice was positive that something had to remind them about me. She was still so sure, Edward said, that they would never have come on their own so soon, and Jake, not understanding the Volturi as well as Alice, thought that maybe they just really wanted to kill me. Edward was holding back his ideas from me, which was both annoying and relieving. Somehow, I just couldn't stand to think of another possibility.

I tried to forget. I tried to fill my time with cleaning, cooking, working. I was desperate to avoid any down time for fear of falling back into a familiar place of dread. I spent time with Jake. I worked as much as I could. I visited Charlie often for dinner, usually staying until he fell asleep on the couch. I tried not to think of who would tell the Volturi about me, who wanted me gone so badly that they would go to the most extreme. But, I knew that only the vampires knew about Italy and the tiny city there. I tried to distract myself because I couldn't face the one question that burned in me like a flame.

Which vampire wanted me to die?


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I just wanted to thank you guys SO MUCH for all the feedback! I love all the positive feedback I've been getting, and it makes me feel so so so wonderful knowing that you all enjoy this so much! Please keep the comments coming, good or bad; I love hearing from you!**

* * *

><p>I focused on the steadiness of my routines, the normalcy of the days, to occupy my mind. I worked most days at the library, filling in my time while Jake was at school. I looked into school, at Charlie's urging, preferring the idea of online college to actually being on a campus. I bought groceries, I paid my bills, I cleaned my house. On the outside, things were fine. I was fine. We were all fine.<p>

And suddenly, without me really noticing, it was suddenly the end of October. I tried to remember where all of the time had gone, where each day had blended into the next to turn into months. The town was preparing for Halloween, and though I had little inclination for the holiday, I could see the excitement in my new neighborhood. Houses were decorated in orange lights and booing ghosts, and my landlord had his front lawn decorated like a cartoon graveyard complete with a grinning mummy and a dancing skeleton. Jake bought me a large wreath for my door, black and orange and green with cobwebs and candy corn laced into the waves of fabric. I hung it on the door to my little cottage, taking pride in my solitary decoration.

Edward didn't care for Halloween. I remembered this from prior years, when I had thought my life would be very different than it had turned out to be. He hated the fake fangs and the crimson capes, little children running around hissing with candy blood dribbling out of their mouths. He took a week off from the library and left Forks, promising that he would be back in November. I found myself slightly out of sync, which was odd. I had discarded the tiny heart in me, his little emotional ball, and I was almost happy to see him as a friend in my new life. I had been falling apart when I first left him, and having him in the right capacity was relieving. And, without him again, I almost missed him.

Jake was bright and alive. I no longer caught him sitting in gloomy silence or staring into the distance at something I never saw. He was present again, with me rather than lost in the future. I knew he was trying to be better for me, and I was grateful. If he still spent time worrying, he never showed it. I instead was always given the best of him, happy and warm, my sun. He hated being stuck in school, but I knew he had to just endure it a little while longer. After all, his graduation would come soon enough, if he even made it that far.

It was Jake that suggested we go trick-or-treating that year. Quil was taking Claire around La Push, and he'd invited us along. I was slightly thrilled at the thought: I hadn't been out on Halloween night since before I could remember, and I loved the idea of spending time goofing off with Jacob again, the same as we used to. He wasn't as excited as I was, though, and it showed.

"I hate Halloween," he grumbled for at least the tenth time as we shuffled around the party store. We'd taken the drive out to Seattle for the day, knowing that the only decent seasonal Halloween store was there. It was huge; walls were lined with hundreds of different costumes all in little bags, decorations were grouped by theme, candy was interspersed and emblazoned with different sale prices, and the entire store smelled of artificial fog-machine smoke and chocolate.

"Don't be such a baby," I chided, picking up another costume bag. It was part of a matching set, a fork to the girl's spoon. I held it out to Jake. "What about this one?" He rolled his eyes and sighed loud enough for the entire store to hear.

"Why do you have to pick out the lame costumes?" he whined. "If I have to waste my night with Quil, I wanted to at least look intimidating."

"Oh, like what?" I glanced around and picked up a terrifying mask from a bin. It had blood and guts spewing from the eye sockets. "This one scary enough for you?" He laughed, taking the mask and holding it up to his face. He growled through the latex at me, and I shook my head, moving down the wall of costumes.

"Why can't we be something at least better than silverware?" he called after me, tossing the mask back into the bin. "I know there's some really skimpy little things for girls these days." He was behind me, wrapping his hands around my stomach. He kissed my neck, and I shivered. I pushed him away, my face reddening.

"Jake, not in public!" He made a face.

"You could be a little sailor." He picked a men's sailor outfit off the wall and held it up. The sleeves were long and the costume was bright white, with a matching little hat. "I could get this and you could match like that."

"I don't even know what mine would look like."

"Well, that's because you're only looking at the stupid couple costumes," he huffed. "We don't have to look really tacky. If you want to match, we can do it in a less obvious way, you know."

"Show me what mine would look like and I'll think about it." He smiled and kissed my cheek, wandering around to the girl's costume wall. I kept looking at the boy's costumes, skimming over the colors and names. My eyes fell onto a dark vampire costume; the man in the picture had a pale painted face and bright fangs, and his cloak was dark red and black and touched the floor. I laughed, understanding what made Edward hate the holiday. And then I saw a werewolf costume, with a hairy mask and hairy gloved hands, and I laughed even harder.

"What's so funny?" Jake asked, walking back in my direction. I picked up the wolf costume and tossed it to him. He caught it and glanced at the front before a huge grin spread across his face.

"I bet Sam would love this one," I teased, smiling at him. He wrapped his hand around mine when he got to me and put the costume back onto the peg. He held out the girl's sailor outfit.

"Before you say no, just think about it," he said cautiously, letting me take the bag. I gaped at the girl on the front. The outfit had no sleeves and the skirt was painfully short. She had a tiny hat, identical to the boy's version, on her head, and she was standing in a seductive pose, saluting. I pushed the costume back at Jake and shook my head fast.

"Absolutely no," I said, my voice too high. "Are you serious? No way." Jake sighed.

"Bells, just give it a chance." He wiggled the bag in front of me, but I refused to look at it. Imagining myself in the revealing outfit was a nightmare all of its own.

"Give it a chance? What kind of chance? A chance to contemplate my own personal torture?" Jake laughed.

"Don't be so melodramatic. You'd look great in it and you know it."

"I most certainly do not know anything." He grinned, and I rolled my eyes, ignoring him.

"Just go try it on," he urged, pushing it towards me again. "If you don't like it when it's on, I promise I'll drop it. I'll even let you pick out what we wear. Just try it." I looked at him for a moment, at the dancing in his eyes, and let out a tiny groan.

"Just give it to me." I snatched it from him and stomped off to the dressing room. It was smaller in my hands than I'd imagined, and I held it away from my body in disgust. I didn't even want to put it on. I wondered if Jake would see through my lie if I just told him I'd tried it and hated it. I knew he would catch the lie, though, so I gingerly slipped the silky costume over my head.

When I turned around to look in the mirror, though, I stared, waiting. I waited for myself to hate it. I waited for the embarrassment to bubble up to my cheeks. But, it didn't. I stared at myself and felt oddly comfortable. The straps, which in the picture were about the width of a strand of hair, were actually wide enough to cover the majority of my shoulders, and the skirt, though still short, was longer than I'd imagined it would be. I fluffed out the collar and smoothed the pleats in the skirt, turning this way and that in front of the mirror. I felt...sexy. It was so strange.

"Let me see!" Jake called from the front of the dressing room area, waiting for me. I took a deep breath and opened the door, catching his eye almost immediately. He stared at me, his eyes going down then back up again. I felt like a doll on display. And then a huge smile stretched across his face. He walked over to me and reached for my waist, but I swatted his hand away. The dressing room attendant, a girl with black hair and a cheesy orange vest, was watching us idly, bored.

"You look absolutely phenomenal," Jake whispered, still grinning. "This is so hot."

"Shut up," I mumbled, crossing my bare arms across my chest. "I still feel like an idiot."

"But you don't look like an idiot," he pointed out. "And I think you kinda like it. I can see it on your face." I wanted to protest, but he was right: I did like it, surprisingly.

"I'd want a jacket," I said, feeling oddly vulnerable with no sleeves. "And it'll probably be cold, so I'd need tights or something." Jake nodded, his smile permanent.

"I have to try mine on!" With that, he darted into the dressing room beside mine. I giggled, only having to wait a moment before he came back out. I laughed so hard that I bent over, the sound filling the tiny room. Jake stood there with a scowl. The costume was too small: the white fabric of the shirt pulled too tightly against his pronounced chest, his arms almost ripping the too-short sleeves, the pants legs riding up like high-water cuffs. He shook his head as he watched me laugh, muttering under his breath. I tried to compose myself, but when I stood up and looked at Jake's annoyed face, I started laughing again.

"We have a wall of costumes for taller men," the attendant called. I turned to face her, and she was eyeing Jake with a look that made my stomach bubble up in jealousy. "They give more room in the chest, too." I glared openly at her, surprised and almost ashamed at my reaction. Jake barely noticed.

"I'll be right back," he said to me, leaning down and kissing me on the top of the head. As he passed the attendant, she watched him with raised eyebrows and a slight smirk. I tried to ignore her and went back into my room, changing back into my comfortable clothes, taking my time. When I opened the door again, Jake was standing out in the middle of the lobby area, admiring himself in the long floor-length mirror. The attendant was standing with him.

"I just think that this is such a perfect look for you," she gushed, reaching out to touch his arm. "The white is really your color."

"Don't I know it?" he replied smugly. He caught my reflection in the mirror and turned around to face me. "What do you think? This one fits much better." I almost couldn't blame the girl for staring; he was gorgeous. His muscles, still prominent, were outlined faintly by the thin white fabric, and his height was magnified by the long pants of the outfit. His russet skin almost glinted against the white like he was literally glowing. He had his arms outstretched to show off the impressive muscles that wrapped around his upper arms. He did a little curtsy for me, and I laughed, his huge frame anything but dainty.

"I think we're gonna look great," I replied, walking over to him and wrapping my hand around his. The attendant stared at our hands, pouting, and turned back to her chair at the doorway. I squeezed Jake's hand and leaned my head against his arm. He kissed the top of my head, and I was warm, always warm.

* * *

><p>Halloween night was cool, but the temperature was bearable. I was amazed to see the rain holding off all day, the clouds hanging but not spilling, and the night was dry. Jake and I met at his house, Charlie and Billy settling in for a night of television and pizza, and we left. Dressed in our matching sailor outfits, we headed for Emily's. I tugged at the skirt hem as we walked up to the door, and Jake grabbed my hand to stop me. He kissed the top of my head, and I relaxed.<p>

Quil answered the door, and he looked absolutely ridiculous: he was dressed in a full-on alligator suit, all green and scaly, and had a trumpet in one hand. I clamped my mouth shut to hold in my laughter, but Jake wasn't as sly, his guffaws echoing. Quil didn't look offended at all; he was beaming, wriggling the trumpet in the air.

"Claire's favorite movie is The Princess and the Frog," he explained to me, ignoring Jake. "She's Tiana, and I'm the alligator. She loves him." He held the toy trumpet up to his mouth and made musical noises through his lips. I smiled, no longer laughing. I admired his confidence, and as I took in his smile and the gleam in his eyes, I was happy, his joy moving like a wave. Claire poked her tiny head around Quil then, sticking her face out of the doorway, and beamed. Her little green Tiana costume was adorable.

"Unca Jay!" she screamed, and she pushed Quil aside to cling to Jake's leg. He leaned down and scooped her up easily, her sparkly dress swooshing.

"Look at this tiara," he said, smiling at her. He didn't use the same baby voice as most people did around toddlers, and I liked it. I hated baby talk. "Looks good on you." She screeched with laughter as he plucked the crown from her head and settled it on his own.

"Unca Jay pitty pincess!" she squealed, clapping. He caught my eye and winked. Claire turned to Quil and reached her tiny hands out to him, and he handed her his trumpet. She clunked Jake's arm with it until he plopped the tiny tiara back onto her head. She beamed. He put her down and she scooted past Quil back into the house.

"Hey, give me back my trumpet!" Quil called after her, laughing. I could hear her tiny voice moving around the living room as he chased her. Jake grabbed my hand, squeezing, and pulled me inside.

I had a great time trick-or-treating, and to Jake's surprise, so did he. We wandered around La Push with Quil and Claire, Quil's alligator tail swishing behind us, as we went from house to house. People loved Quil's costume, which helped me as it diverted most of the attention away from my too-exposed skin. Even with a jacket and tights, I felt exposed, but Jake's hand, constantly wrapped around mine, was comforting, and I was able to enjoy myself. Claire made Quil carry her candy, but he didn't mind; his eyes were bright, his mood easy and happy. I felt the tiny stirrings of a jealousy that I didn't recognize until we got back to Emily's and dumped Claire's bag full of candy out onto the rug. She shuffled through the stack with tiny hands, her fingers closing around a lollipop that she handed to Quil, sitting right beside her, to open.

I realized, watching them, that I was jealous of his feelings for her. I hadn't thought about imprinting for a while; Jake looked at me with such love that I rarely thought about the other girl out there, the one who was meant for him above me. It felt uneasy, knowing that someone could easily take him from me. I tried to picture her, this person I didn't know, but I couldn't imagine anyone taking Jake. He was my sun. I had chosen him, and he had chosen me. I remembered back to an old conversation, where he had told me that he wouldn't leave me even if he imprinted. I tried to find comfort, feeling his arm against mine as I leaned into him, hearing Claire's incessant demands as Quil helped to sort out her candy, in his touch, his presence, his assurances.

We stayed at Emily's for a while, and I talked to Emily about the upcoming wedding. She and Sam's plans were in full swing, and she was excited all the time, her face, scarred and mangled, had never been more beautiful as she glowed with the anticipation. Jake sat off to the side with Embry and Jared, who had come over after we finished trick-or-treating. Quil, still sorting Claire's candy, was quieter, watching her get tired and lowering his tone to match her sleepy voice. When I looked at the clock, it was almost eleven, and I was surprised that Claire had stayed awake for so long. She finally fell asleep, curling into her noisy dress, and Quil carried her lightly back into the bedroom, pulling her crown from her hair before he disappeared around the corner. I caught Jake's eye, and he smiled at me, ready to go.

We drove to my house in content silence. I wondered what he was thinking, but I didn't want to pry. He closed his eyes, humming slightly to himself, and leaned his head against the cool glass of the window. I had a flash of him disappearing, a girl with jet-black hair dragging him away from me, and tried to shake it off. He was mine, I tried to assure myself. I pictured the girl from the Halloween store again. I had mentioned her to Jake after when we were at lunch, his mouth stuffed with a burger. He just brushed me off, reminding me that he wouldn't leave me. He said he didn't even notice other girls anymore, like it was just me. I smiled at the memory and drove on through the darkness.

The houses in my neighborhood were quiet but still bright with decorations. I pulled into my driveway and glanced at the bowl full of candy that I had placed out on my doorstep, and it was thankfully empty. I pulled Jake, half-asleep, out of the truck and through my front door, tugging him lightly to my room. He fell onto the bed and wrapped his arms around a pillow, breathing deep. I let him get comfortable and shuffled around a little, throwing away the empty bag of assorted chocolate that I had left lying on my couch in my hurry to get to La Push and washing the few dirty dishes in the sink. Jake moaned from the bedroom, and I poked my head around the doorway, catching his eye. He smiled.

"Come here," he mumbled, curling up on the bed. "I'm exhausted." I held up one finger and darted back into the kitchen, finishing the dishes. I grabbed a clean pair of pajamas from my dresser, reaching out to touch Jake's exposed leg as I passed through to the bathroom to change.

"Do you want to change?" I called to him, tossing the sailor outfit into my hamper. "You know I've got that pair of yours from last week that you left here."

"Too tired," he groaned, and I heard the bed springs creak as he rolled around. I laughed quietly to myself as I changed. When I walked back through the doorway, he was lying shirtless in just his boxers, his bright white outfit abandoned on the floor. I had seen Jake a hundred times before, admired his chest and his arms and his beautiful face for countless days, but it never failed to amaze me. I climbed up beside him and curled into his chest. He sighed.

"Thanks for putting up with Halloween for me," I whispered as he pulled the sheet over us, though I never needed it with his radiating warmth.

"Mmm," he murmured, burrowing his face into my hair. It only took him a minute before he started to snore. I nestled into him, allowing his comforting heat to engulf me and lull me into sleep.

* * *

><p>Edward was there at the library the next day, and his smile was pleasant as I sat down beside him. I found myself grinning, again surprised at my reaction to him. I was happy to see him.<p>

"I wasn't expecting you back for a few more days," I said, settling down at my desk. I scooted my chair up to the computer and clicked the power button.

"I decided to cut my vacation short," he said warmly, his eyes buttery. He seemed to be in a good mood, and I was glad.

"How was Maine?" I asked, typing in my password to boot up the computer.

"I didn't go to Maine," he replied, confused. I turned to him, and his head was cocked to the side slightly. "Did I not tell you?"

"Actually, I don't think you said anything about where you were going. I just assumed you'd be going back to see Carlisle and everyone else."

"I should have, though the weather in Maine is far too sunny for me. I prefer it here." He smiled his crooked smile, and I smiled back, almost instinctually.

"Where did you go, then?" I asked, turning back to my computer to start up the library's book system.

"I was in Denali."

"How was Alaska?" He chuckled.

"It was very nice. Tanya and her sisters do not live near others, and so Halloween did not reach their house. It was a pleasant week."

"I'm glad you had a good time." He clicked away at his keyboard, preparing for the day though he always let people go to me instead. I wondered sometimes if he was even being paid or if he had just convinced my boss to let him hang around.

"Did you have an enjoyable holiday?" he asked. I smiled, remembering Quil's alligator costume and Jake's even snoring as we slept curled against each other.

"I had a great time. I went trick-or-treating with Quil and Claire. It was fun."

"Did you wear a costume?" I turned my head to glance at him, and he stared at me teasingly. I rolled my eyes.

"How is Tanya doing?" I asked, changing the subject. Edward chuckled at my obvious attempt at getting the conversation away from me.

"They are well. Tanya was...they were all quite happy to have me visit." I noticed his pause and, though I knew I shouldn't pry, I was curious.

"What about Tanya?" He was quiet for a moment, staring out the glass doors in front of us.

"She is upset," he finally said, his eyes flitting back to me, gauging my reaction. "Do you remember how I told you about her...advances?" I laughed, and he looked at me quizzically.

"Is that all?" I asked, shaking my head. "God, I thought you'd say something bad. She likes you? You're crazy to think she wouldn't try again, now that I'm out of the picture."

"You'll never be out of the picture," he said in a low voice, the sudden ferocity jarring. I wanted to push away from him. "I'll never stop loving you, Bella. You are and always will be the only one that I love." I bit my lip, the discomfort of the silence settling around us. We hadn't talked about our feelings for each other since I left him, but I had guessed about his more than once.

"Maybe you should try to be happy with Tanya," I suggested quietly, my skin prickly.

"It doesn't matter what she says," he growled back, turning away from me too fast. "She can try as much as she wants, but I'll never love her. I'll never want anyone but you." He was suddenly gone, his chair spinning slightly with the wind of his movement. The glass doors were closing so slowly, pulling inward towards me. I sighed and put my head in my hands. I knew it had been a mistake to think of Edward as a friend. I felt guilt spiraling up inside me and tried to focus on my computer as the first family of the day walked through the front doors.


	15. Chapter 15

"Forks library, Bella speaking."

"Bella, I've been thinking," Alice said in her beautiful voice. I perked up, and my chair creaked slightly.

"You know, that's never good," I joked, waiting for her laughter to filter through the receiver.

"I think you should come visit us." I was quiet for a moment. The library was empty besides two older women on the computers in the back, and the air was still. Edward, after storming out, still hadn't come back, three days later, and I was alone. I felt an uncomfortable feeling seep into my toes.

"Alice, I don't think that's such a good idea." She huffed loudly.

"Oh, come on. Jake will be fine without you for a weekend." I bit my lip.

"It has nothing to do with him," I said, annoyed.

"So what is it then?"

"It's nothing," I lied, turning to smile and wave at a mother with two toddler-aged boys walking through the door.

"Lying was never your strong point." I sighed. I knew she would get it out of me eventually.

"Well, isn't everyone..." I trailed off, but Alice waited. I sighed again. "Aren't they all mad at me?" She was quiet for a moment.

"Mad at you?" she repeated, like the words were a foreign concept to her. "Why on earth would anyone be mad at you?"

"Because I ruined everything!" I cried, too loudly, into the phone. I huddled over the receiver, keeping my voice low. "I was the reason that you all had to move again. I know Carlisle was happy that I chose not to turn, but everyone else must hate me." Alice tsked a few times, and I tightened my grip on the phone. I glanced over my counter and thankfully saw no one staring.

"No one is the slightest bit angry with you," she replied easily, like she was talking to a child. "I'm really the only one who doesn't like our new town, but I have no negative feelings towards you for that. They all know what it would've meant to give up your life, and I don't think any of them is angry that you chose to live a normal life." I hadn't thought of it that way, but she was right. Each of them understood what it meant to be a vampire, and I was ready to willingly sacrifice my human life for something that they didn't choose. Rosalie had even voted against me becoming one of them because of the implications of a vampire life.

"So they aren't mad?"

"Not at all. Esme keeps asking about you, actually. She wonders about how you're doing." I thought of Esme's beautiful face, her motherly smile, and felt a pang of longing.

"My truck could never make it cross-country like your little Porsche can," I said, almost glumly. I was warming up to the idea of seeing everyone again, but I knew it could never happen.

"I would never expect you to drive here." She sounded amused. "You'll fly. The airport isn't too far from town."

"I could never afford a plane ticket."

"Think of it as a late birthday present." I thought back to my nineteenth birthday, almost forgotten in my routine haze of trying to distract myself from the Volturi. It had been a small event, a dinner at Charlie's with Billy, Jake, Emily, and Alice. Alice had ordered some fancy catering from Port Angeles, and the food had been delicious, Jake eating most of it himself. We had all spent the day in Charlie's living room, talking over each other in bubbles of conversation. Charlie gave me a beautiful silver open book charm for my bracelet, and I hung it besides Jake's wooden wolf carving gladly. Billy and Emily gave me a present from the pack, a framed picture of a photo I had forgotten had been taken of everyone, including me and all of the other wolf girls, standing on the cliff in La Push; I was smiling with Jake's arms around me, Quil was tossing Claire up in the air in a tiny blur, and Paul was scowling as usual. I had almost cried at that, and I hung it immediately where I would see it every day. Alice, surprisingly enough, had given me nothing, saying that my present was coming later. I guessed, now, it was later.

"That's so expensive," I said, my eyebrows softening at the memory of my birthday. "I'm sure I could just call them and save you the money."

"Don't worry about the money. Just say you'll come." I thought for a moment and remembered that I had accrued a few vacation days from work. I could have Charlie watch over my tiny house, and Jake would be all right without me.

"I'd love to come." She made a noise that I could only call a squeal and laughed like a song.

"I already asked your boss if you could take off tomorrow and Monday," she said, her voice gaining speed as her excitement grew. "Your plane leaves tomorrow morning pretty early, so hopefully Jake or Charlie can drive you to Seattle. You'll be back Monday night, so just pack for a few warm outfits since it's pretty cold here."

"I can't wait, Alice," I said, smiling. I could feel her joy through the phone.

"Call me when you're taking off! I'll meet you at the airport!" There was a click, and then she was gone. I sat back in my chair, smiling.

* * *

><p>Jake wasn't happy.<p>

"Why do you have to leave?" he demanded, his arms crossed, his eyes hard. I stared at the floor of his garage. We had been settled around his tools, using upturned buckets for chairs, while he did homework and I read.

"It's my birthday present," I said quietly. I didn't like seeing him so angry with me. "And I haven't seen them in so long."

"Tell them to come here, then," he spat out. He was pacing back and forth, staring down at me.

"Jake, please don't be mad. I just miss them."

"Then call them. You'll feel better and you don't have to go anywhere."

"Just stop, okay?" My sudden anger surprised me. I shot up from my chair and glared up at him with my hands balled into tiny fists. He raised his eyebrows, surprised too. "I thought all of this was over. I thought you'd moved past this weird feud or whatever it is. I get that you might not love them like family, but I do, and I really-" Jake's arms were around me in a blur, crushing me to him. I gasped in a gulp of air and felt my feet leave the ground. He buried his face in my hair.

"Honey, I don't hate them," he whispered. He loosened his grip enough for me to breathe, but he didn't let me go. "I'm just worried about you."

"Worried?" He hesitated.

"I know we don't talk about it anymore, but you're going to-" His voice cut off with a tiny pained noise. "I just don't want anything to happen to you." I leaned into his chest, kissing him through his thin shirt.

"I'll be okay, I promise," I mumbled. "Alice will be able to see me once I'm on the plane. She'll watch out for me." He kissed the top of my head and set me down gently. He unraveled his arms from around me and grabbed my hand.

"Let me drive you to the airport," he said with a tiny smile. "I'll miss you enough without getting a cheesy airport goodbye." I held back a laugh and rocked up on my toes to kiss him.

"Sure, sure," I said easily, and he made a face before leaning down to kiss me again.

* * *

><p>My first-class seat was comfortable and roomy as I settled in for the long flight from Seattle to New York City. I had brought a few well-worn novels with me, but with the large television in the back of the seat in front of me, I knew I wouldn't need them. The flight attendant made one last round through the cabin before pushing behind the curtain towards the cockpit. I had already called Alice from the security checkpoint, who hadn't warned me that my ticket wasn't for the regular seats. I told myself again that I would argue with her later.<p>

Jake had been more talkative than usual on the long drive to Seattle, the majority of which was dark; I cursed Alice under my breath for booking such an early flight. He babbled about school, about how tired he was of sitting through meaningless classes when he felt like an adult already. I kept reminding him how young he was, technically, but he didn't listen. He knew he would be able to convince the elders to allow him to graduate early, so it was just a matter of waiting for their approval.

The goodbye was harder than I'd thought it would be. On top of the sadness I felt at leaving, I felt an emptiness in my chest, the same emptiness that I felt whenever Jake was away but magnified, beginning to grow in me. I wouldn't just be a few miles away; there would be an entire country separating us. I was already feeling the gripping fingers of hollowness, the snaking tendrils of cold, knowing that my sun would be so far away. He held me for a solid five minutes, our embrace silent. He kissed me, grabbing my hand and squeezing it one last time, before I walked through security, staring back at him with his hands in his pockets and his face pained. I waved once more before stepping through the scanner to the other side.

Thankfully, I was able to fall asleep on the flight, and it went by quickly. I rushed to my connecting flight to Maine, again in first class, and tried to ignore the echoing cavernous feeling in my chest. As the plane descended, though, and I saw the beautiful landscape below me, I felt a thrill of excitement. I didn't travel, and this was a rare vacation that didn't involve a threat of anyone dying. I had never been to the east coast north of Florida, and I knew that Alice would be there. And she was, her tiny figure standing lithely in waiting, her outfit covering almost every bit of exposed skin to avoid the sun, a dazzling smile spreading across her face. She danced to me and swept me up in a hug, her laughter bouncing around me like tiny sparks of light.

"Alice, you didn't tell me the tickets were first class!" I started, but she just grinned as she snaked an arm around my waist. We walked together down to the parking garage, and she peppered me with questions the entire way about things in Forks. She wanted to know everything about the library, and when I let it slip that I spent Halloween out trick-or-treating, she latched on, wanting every detail. She had brought a more reserved vehicle, a sleek black car that I didn't recognize, but she drove as fast as always, weaving in and out of traffic expertly.

"It's such a relief to be able to see you again!" she said finally after I finished telling her as much as I could about Halloween. "It's been so stressful having you out of my head for so long."

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to avoid staring at the speedometer.

"I can finally see you again," she said, her tone chipper. My mouth fell open widely.

"You can see me?" I almost shouted, turning in my seat to face her. She raised an eyebrow at me, and I sat back in my seat.

"I can see you for the next few days. As soon as you left Jacob at the airport, you suddenly just popped into my head. It almost knocked me off my feet, Bella! You were there on the plane, putting away your bag in the overhead. It was amazing."

"What else did you see?" My curiosity was running wild, stampeding through the barrier of my careful composure.

"A few things from this weekend," she replied. "Your reaction to the house, how happy you are to see everyone again. It's a few little things. And, of course, having you sitting here now is making it much clearer."

"Can you see anything..." I trailed off, trying not to think about the possibilities. She bit her lip gingerly.

"You disappear after this weekend," she said quietly. "I can see you on the plane to Seattle, but as soon as you step off, you're gone again." I sat thinking for a moment.

"So now that Jake is gone for a few days, you can see me?"

"Exactly. I believe it's because I can be sure of your choices here, around us. When you go back to Jacob, he hides you again."

"Why do you think you can't see me even when I'm not with Jake back in Forks?" I asked, trying to understand. "I'm not with him now and you can see me again. And last year, you could only stop seeing me when I went over to La Push."

"Last year, you were still with Edward," she pointed out.

"But even now, there's still times when I'm not around Jake. Do you ever see me, even for just a second?"

"I haven't seen you since the day you told Edward that you'd picked Jacob," she said thoughtfully. "I think it might be because, even through the small absences, you always decide to be with him. It was different before because you'd only spend a few hours with him at a time. When you left La Push, you really didn't have any concrete decisions to go back, most of the time at least. It was all about making the big decision to be with Edward. And when you suddenly decided to stay with Jacob, it all just disappeared."

"Are you upset that I'm gone?"

"Of course I am," she said quickly, her nose wrinkling. "It's very difficult to have you be invisible. It's like when you jumped off the cliff and then your...channel, of sorts, just cut out. And now, I have to worry about you getting hurt all the time. I'm getting more used to it, but it's still strange."

"Do you still look for me?" She thought for a moment.

"It's a pretty constant thing," she replied slowly. "It's like I can't _not_ look for you. I always search for even the tiniest glimpse, but I still find nothing." I sat back, lost in thought, and we were quiet for the rest of the drive.

The scenery was beautiful. Maine in fall was a collection of reds and yellows and oranges, a wondrous mix of colors and textures. The trees gave way to coastline, and the water was lighter than the Pacific, calmer. I stared out of my window, intrigued by the new sights of the coast that faded into a small fishing town, full of docks and tiny stores and screaming seagulls. Alice drove on, just past the town, to a huge house with an enormous yard and a private beach hidden amongst large old trees. The house was old in the style of the New England states, with beautiful whites and blues to accent the numerous glistening windows. I was speechless, admiring the house with awe. Alice beside me laughed lightly, and I turned to her, grinning.

"It's perfect," I said, and she smiled back.

"Esme picked it out," she said proudly. "You can tell her what you think in just a moment." We pulled up around the side of the house and parked outside of the large add-on garage, and I stepped out excitedly, wanting to see the inside. I took a deep breath and smelled the sharp twang of salt water and sea air. Alice flitted around to the trunk and grabbed my bag for me, motioning me towards the front door. I walked around to the front and felt a surge of joy when I saw Carlisle standing on the massive front porch, his arms crossed lightly, his face pulled up in a smile. He wasn't covered like Alice, and his skin danced with glittering sparks of light in the sun beams. I recovered myself from the shock of seeing his diamond skin and ran over to him, wrapping my arms around him, surprising myself. He laughed and hugged me back.

"It's wonderful to see you, Bella," he said brightly, looking down at me like he missed me, too. "I'm so glad you could come."

"I'm just sorry it took me so long to get out here," I replied, my smile permanently plastered on my face. I was so happy. He motioned me to the open door, and I stepped inside, taking in the beautiful entryway, the high ceilings, the ocean-themed paintings that took up large portions of wall space. I was enthralled until I heard a tiny sound, and my eyes floated down towards the back of the room where Esme stood, her hair flowing around her, looking as though she wanted to cry. She held her arms open and met me in the middle of the room, embracing me so lovingly that I almost started tearing up.

"My wonderful Bella," she whispered, her voice heavy with emotion. "How I've missed you." I hadn't realized how much I'd missed her until I saw her again, but it filled me with a fierce attack of guilt that I hadn't once called her.

"It's so great to see you again," I said thickly. She touched her fingers to my cheek, and I felt my smile grow.

"Please, you can make yourself at home here," she said with sparkling eyes. "I understand that your life has continued on in a different path, but we still think of you as family."

"Thank you, Esme," I said, touched. Alice danced up next to me, threading her arm around mine. Esme nodded at her and glided away through a large entryway off to the side. Alice shook me slightly.

"Let's get you set up in your room, and then we can go find everyone else," she sang, dragging me up the huge stairs to the next floor. The antique feel of the entryway carried through to the second floor, but inside the bedrooms were modern furnishings and decorations. Alice showed me into a guest bedroom, and I gasped. The bed was huge and beautiful, pushed up against one wall opposite a set of dressers that had to be hundreds of years old. The far wall was a huge window that overlooked the ocean beyond their yard. I was speechless, taking it all in.

"Esme thought you'd want the best room in the house," Alice said proudly. I shook my head in amazement.

"It's fantastic," I said softly, taking it in. Alice laughed, tugging me back downstairs. We walked through the house, and I admired each decoration and furnishing with awe, loving the way that everything matched the old charm of the house. We saw Esme and Carlisle again in the kitchen, where Esme was making me lunch. Alice continued to lead me around, explaining each décor decision and going on and on about how nice it was to have a human around to admire things. We went out to the private beach and sat together in a set of beautiful outdoor furniture right in the sand.

"I'm so glad I came," I said after a moment. I couldn't take my eyes off the view.

"Everyone's going to be so happy to see you," Alice gushed, her hands sparkling without her gloves. "Even Rosalie is looking forward to seeing you."

"Rosalie?" I asked, turning to look at Alice. She shrugged.

"She's proud of you," she replied easily. "You chose to live. You know she never wanted you to be one of us willingly. She's really happy that you're still human."

"What about Emmett?"

"He's just so blasé about everything, you know him. I don't think he cared either way. And, like Esme said, we all still think of you as family, albeit extended family at this point." I laughed with her and turned back to face the water.

"You said they love it here," I said after a moment. "You don't like it, though."

"It's difficult to hide who we are here. It's much easier in the winter, when we have an excuse for covering ourselves. The summer was difficult, though. We had to stay inside the house almost every day."

"Haven't you lived anywhere sunny before?"

"We have, but I guess I allowed myself to grow accustomed to Washington's gloom. It's difficult to readjust to the sun."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, feeling the guilt of their departure tangle in my stomach again. Alice shook her head sharply and pursed her lips at me in annoyance.

"Bella, don't you blame yourself for us moving," she admonished. "I've told you that a hundred times. We moved because it was time to go, and you know that." I tried to believe her. She curled her legs up under her in her chair and sighed at me. I smiled at her again, and she reached for my hand. I felt like I had come home.

* * *

><p>The weekend blurred by in a flash of wonderful joy. Alice kept me constantly busy: we went out on a sailing boat that Jasper bought Alice as a present; we spent time talking on their private beach; we went into town at night and explored the tiny shops and stores; we spent time with Carlisle and Esme in the house; we went out with Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie, who were all ecstatic to have a human back in their lives. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed keeping busy and spending time with the people who I had thought were furious with me.<p>

I missed Jake. I tried not to text him every second of the day, because my dependence on my phone annoyed Alice. I called him each night before bed, though, reveling in the sound of his voice over the static of distance. I tried to throw myself entirely into Alice's plans, to ignore the pull of longing for Jake, but it was difficult. I still snuck glances at my phone throughout the day, ignoring Alice's disapproving huffs and sighs.

I was so happy, away from the fear of the Volturi, the stress of Jake's pain, the threat of Edward's anger. I slept better than I had in months, the sunlight of Maine waking me up in the morning, refreshed and ready for a new day. I ate wonderfully prepared meals from Esme's immaculate kitchen and felt full constantly. I basked in my joy, in the distraction from the fear that loomed around me in Forks.

Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper were glad to have me. I enjoyed spending time with them again, feeling like friends rather than awkward relatives. Esme and I talked over each meal for hours, and I told her everything about living on my own. Carlisle was the hardest to be around, though I didn't understand why. He had been the only one to openly admit that he was glad I hadn't settled into his family, and I felt that I should be happy to have had his blessing to be with Jake. But, I found myself uneasy around him, as if maybe he'd changed his mind after seeing the pain I'd caused his son. I knew I was wrong, but it was a tough feeling to shake. I avoided spending any time with him alone for the entire weekend, still wondering.

My departing flight was scheduled for Monday afternoon, and on Monday morning, Alice took me out alone to a small breakfast restaurant in town, the sky thankfully cloudy and dull. We sat at a small table in the corner, watching people come and go on their way to work. I ordered a full spread of eggs and waffles and hash browns, while Alice ordered a muffin to keep up appearances. I laughed as she picked at the muffin with her fingertips, depositing the crumbs back onto her plate in minor disgust. My food was delicious, and I ate every bite.

"I really like it here," I said as we sat around the table, the plates cleared.

"It's getting better," Alice admitted. I laughed at the sour expression on her face.

"Once you get used to it, you'll learn to love it."

"I'll agree with you on that."

"It was great to see everyone again, too. Thank you for getting me out here, really." Alice smiled up at me.

"I'm so glad you had fun. I was worried that seeing us all would make you sad." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Why would I be sad?"

"Because we're the family you had to leave," she explained quietly. I laced my fingers in my lap. "I thought you might be upset, seeing us all again."

"That's not the case, I promise." A tiny smile broke across her solemn face. "I'm not sad. Well, I am, but only because it took me so long to come out and visit. I wish I'd been here during the summer when we could have gone swimming."

"I'll keep that in mind for next year," she said, beaming. It only took a moment for her words to sink in, and I felt my face drop. Alice immediately clamped a hand over her mouth and reached a hand out to me.

"Bella, there's nothing to worry about," she said in a rush. "You'll be fine. Everything will be okay. I know I can see what happens and I'll be able to stop it. Don't worry, please." I held up a finger, and she sputtered to a halt, her mouth still open.

"I'm fine," I said with a thick voice. "I don't want to think about it anymore." She watched me with shamefaced eyes until I smiled, trying to distract her.

"So how's your favorite pouty brother?" I asked, changing the subject. She raised an eyebrow. "Edward," I clarified. She rolled her eyes and exhaled loudly, clearly annoyed.

"He's so difficult," she said angrily. "I haven't heard from him in days. I can see him wandering around in the Midwest, but he won't answer my calls. I wish he would just tell me what happened. I thought things were fine, especially when he got that job at the library with you."

"I think it was something I said," I huffed, taking a sip of my orange juice.

"Did something happen?"

"Well, I guess so. He went to Denali for Halloween, you know, and when he came back, he was suddenly angry with me. We hadn't talked about our...break-up, I guess, since it happened, and he brought it up."

"What did he say?"

"He mentioned Tanya again, so I said he should at least see what it was like to be with her. And he flipped on me. He said I was being ridiculous, that he didn't want anyone else. And then he stormed off." Alice's eyes glazed over slightly, and I finished off my juice.

"He'll come around," she said finally, smiling at me. "It took me some time to understand, but here we are, perfectly fine."

"I know," I said, smiling back.

"Let's get going," she said, waving the waitress over for the check. "You'll miss your flight."

* * *

><p>Jake was waiting for me in Seattle, and I saw him immediately; he was impossible to miss, standing almost two feet above everyone else, his eyes searching the crowd funneling out of the terminal for me. When we locked eyes, my heart leaped and pushed me towards him, speeding up my walk to a run as I reached for him. He caught me as I barreled into him, his arms a vice grip around my waist, and he picked me up and spun me around, laughing. His hot skin against mine was wonderfully comforting, and I breathed in his outdoors-y scent greedily.<p>

"You stink," he said, laughing. I made a face and smacked him on the arm.

"You're an ass," I said back, his laughter contagious. He set me down on my feet and held me away from him slightly, staring at me. I was lost, the airport falling away as I rememorized his face. He reached a hand up and cradled my cheek, and I leaned into his palm, closing my eyes.

"You have no idea how much I missed you," he whispered. I opened my eyes again to stare at him again, focusing only on his beautiful face.

"I think I can imagine." He grinned. I felt his fingers run down my face like lightning bolts and he bent down to me, his lips meeting mine with a relief that mirrored mine. I kissed him back, curving to him, and drank him in, my mind clouding and my balance wavering as we reconnected, complete again.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! I didn't realize how difficult it would be to find time to write over the break. But, now that I'm back at school, I'm finding time again :) Thanks to everyone who was patient with me, and I promise to start updating with more regularity from now on!**

* * *

><p>Washington looked different when I got back. I hadn't realized it, but I had been letting the Cullens' assumed anger hang over me like a pendulum of guilt. The knowledge that they weren't angry, that they still loved me, opened my eyes like I'd been looking through a blurry film for months. The sun was brighter; the air was crisper. I felt lighter, and it was refreshing.<p>

"You seem to be in a great mood," Jacob commented as he drove me back from Seattle, his arm slung around the back of my seat in his tiny car.

"I just had a really good time," I replied breezily.

"What did Alice do to you?" I made a face at him, and he laughed.

"She didn't _do_ anything to me. I mostly just spent time with her family. I really missed Esme, and it was great to see Emmett and Jasper again. They have a beach in their backyard, did I tell you? It was amazing."

"What about Eddie?" Jake asked, his voice sarcastic. I rolled my eyes.

"He wasn't there."

"Does Alice know what happened to him when he ran off like a baby?"

"Jake, come on," I said tiredly, sighing. He glanced over at me, his eyes apologetic.

"I know, I'm sorry."

"She said he's just wandering around. He didn't go to them, which really bugs Esme and Carlisle. Esme said she just wanted him to come home."

"As long as he isn't here, I'm happy," he said arrogantly, wrinkling his nose. I turned to stare out my window.

"Change the subject before I get mad," I huffed, watching the trees whiz by the car on the highway. Jake was quiet for a moment.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. What did you do this weekend?" He was quiet for a beat too long. I turned my head, and the look on his face was almost pained. His eyebrows were pulled down and he was biting his lip, his jaw tight. He turned to me, his features relaxed, and I wondered if I'd just been seeing things.

"Nothing too exciting," he finally said, his voice bright.

"Jake, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." He looked at me quickly and smiled. "I mostly just hung out with Embry. I skipped school, rode the bike, typical weekend stuff."

"I don't believe you," I said, narrowing my eyes. His tone was too chipper, almost fake. "You're lying."

"Why would I ever lie to you, Bells?"

"Maybe because Sam told you to," I said with a hint of anger. Jake sighed.

"Sam isn't making me keep anything from you anymore," he said wearily, like he was speaking to a child about something for the hundredth time. He flicked on his turn signal and veered lightly off the highway towards town. "He gets that you're as close as an imprint to me."

"Is that what happened?" I tried to keep my voice even, but it wavered.

"Is _what_ what happened?"

"Did you imprint?" Jake immediately dissolved into loud guffawing laughter, the noise bouncing around the car.

"God, those Cullens make you so melodramatic."

"Jacob Black, if you imprinted on some girl while I was gone, I swear-"

"Honey, relax," Jake managed, still laughing. "I promise, I didn't imprint on anyone. I still love you just the same."

"Then what are you hiding from me?" I tried to keep calm, feeling slightly hysterical. Nothing good crossed my mind: they had found another vampire that wanted me, someone had been hurt, the Volturi had come early...

"Leah's home," he said carefully, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. I blinked once, twice. Jake slowed for a stoplight and turned to face me, his eyes guarded. The tightness in my chest uncoiled, and I felt my shoulders relax.

"When did she get back?" I asked, her angry face the last time I'd seen her after the battle popping into my head.

"Yesterday." He turned back to the road with the green light. "She's at home now, with her mom and Seth."

"Well, that's great news, isn't it?" I smiled, trying to understand what made him act so strangely. "It's good that she's finally back. I know you've all been worried about her."

"I guess," Jake mumbled, turning into my tiny driveway and cutting off the headlights. It was dark outside, and people were just starting to turn their lights off for the night.

"You don't sound happy." He stared in front of us, towards the garden in front of us.

"It's just complicated," he said finally, his hand falling from the steering wheel and moving to grab mine in my lap. He squeezed comfortingly.

"You know I'll find out sooner or later, so you might as well tell me now and get it out of the way." Jake turned to me with an expression of mock annoyance, and I smirked.

"Since when did you get so snarky?"

"Maybe your overconfidence finally rubbed off on me."

"Sure, sure." I laughed and squeezed his hand. He smiled.

"Just tell me." He paused for a moment, staring at me. I raised my eyebrows slightly, and he grinned.

"Fine, you win. She found someone."

"Found who?"

"She brought home a guy." I sat back in my seat and shook my head.

"I could smack you for making me worry, you know," I said, rolling my eyes. "A boy isn't bad at all. I'm glad she found someone, really."

"It's really bad, Bells," he said, his eyebrows furrowing, his expression serious. "She didn't imprint on him. He's just some guy she dragged back here, trying to get back at Sam. And he knows about us. I don't know how she got around Sam's order not to tell, but she did. And who knows what kind of damage this guy can do? We don't know him at all, and Leah's only known him for a few months. He could destroy everything." I tried to wrap my head around the problem, and suddenly I understood. Having an outsider in the loop, someone that wasn't entangled in the pack like an imprint or like me, was dangerous.

"Oh," I said quietly, staring down into my lap.

"'Oh' is right. And she's dragging up things that don't matter anymore. She's causing trouble just for the sake of it." I glanced back up at him, and his eyes were closed, like he was exhausted.

"Let's get inside, and you can tell me the rest," I suggested. He nodded, his eyes still closed, and I got out of the car. He pushed his door open and grabbed my bag from the backseat, following me up to the door. I pushed it open and was glad to see that the place was exactly how I'd left it. I flicked on a light to see. Jake set my bag down by the couch and immediately wandered into my room, the springs creaking loudly as he flopped down onto the bed. I followed him. He was splayed out like a starfish, his body stretching across the entire mattress. I poked his arm, and he turned his head to look up at me. When he understood, he moved to a sitting position against the headboard, and I sat beside him. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me to him, my head resting against his shoulder.

"Start with something easy," I suggested, his silence dragging. He sighed.

"None of this is easy."

"Now who's the melodramatic one?" I teased, poking him in the side.

"Shut it," he mumbled, shifting his chest to sink further into the bed.

"What about where she's been?"

"California," he said, almost automatically. "Colin phased once after his mom pissed him off and he saw her there for second before she phased back. It was the only time we ever saw her. And she said she's been there ever since then."

"Is her mom happy to have her back?" Jake laughed loudly, his chest shaking. I turned to look up at him, and he was smirking.

"Sue might just kill her. She's furious that she just ran off without a word. And she barely even called."

"She didn't seem mad the last time I saw her," I said absently, thinking back to the party at the end of the summer and the hushed whisperings about her daughter.

"I don't think she knew she was until Leah got home."

"I'd be mad if I were Sue. Leah's an idiot for running off like that and scaring her mom." Jake shrugged.

"I get why she left, I think," he said slowly, leaning his head onto mine. "She's had it real rough with us, you know that. I think she just wanted some space from all of us. It can get kind of crowded with ten guys in your head all the time." I bit my lip slightly, thinking. Leah hadn't chosen this, and she had always had it the worst, being the only girl and having Sam in her head constantly after he imprinted on Emily. She must've just finally had enough.

"What was she doing all this time?" I asked, sitting up a little. "She can't have had enough money to afford to live somewhere."

"That's what we were all worried about," Jake replied. "Her mom knew she didn't have money, but she was gone for so long. Turns out, she met the guy pretty early on, and he took her in."

"Where was she before that?"

"A hotel. She said she was there for about a week before she ran out of whatever savings she had. She was about ready to come home when she met him."

"Where?"

"That's another annoyance. She won't tell us. She refuses to phase because she doesn't want us in her head, so she's being very...selective with what she tells us."

"Have you met him?"

"Not yet," he snorted, sighing. "I had to go pick you up in Seattle before she had a chance to bring him over. He's here, though."

"What made her come back?"

"That's the crazy part. I have no idea. Her mom wasn't begging her to come home, we had stopped calling her, everyone had just sort of learned to deal. It was very out-of-the-blue that she popped back up."

"Maybe she missed you guys," I offered, but Jake rolled his eyes. "Okay, maybe she missed her family. I know you said she and Seth were pretty close."

"It's an ab-" Jake cut off, his body tensing, his head whipping around to the side. I was suddenly scrambling, trying to sit up and look around all at once. Had the Volturi come for me?

"Shit," Jake mumbled. I turned to him, and the look on my face – probably full of fear – set him off. He was wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to him all in one motion, one hand rubbing up and down my arm and the other stroking through my hair. I tried to breathe.

"Shh, Bells, it's okay," he murmured. "It's just the pack. It's all right, shh." I tried to catch my breath, and with his warmth engulfing me, I found my resolve again. I started breathing normally, and he kissed the top of my head.

"Is it bad?" I asked, not pulling away from him.

"I'm not sure," he said calmly. "It was only Paul, not Sam. But I better check it out, just in case." He lifted one hand to my chin and cupped it, his massive hands strong and sure, and gently pulled my face to his, kissing me long and slow. I was breathing heavily again when he finally broke away, grinning.

"I'll be right back," he said, kissing me quickly before untangling himself and quickly darting through the door. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. I felt safe with Jake nearby, and I knew he would be able to keep away whatever supernatural thing that wanted to kill me this month. I was exhausted, so tired of being afraid and of running and of worrying. I was going to go prematurely gray.

I didn't know how long he would be gone, so I decided to shower, still feeling dirty from the long plane ride. I turned the water hot and let it run over me, relaxing my tense muscles. I thought about the suitcase I needed to unpack, my job that started back up the day after next, dinner the next night that I wanted to have at Charlie's. I avoided thinking about Jake running around outside; I knew I would just let my imagination run wild again.

I heard a tiny knock on the bathroom door, and I peeked my head out from behind the shower curtain in time to see Jake pushing the door open slowly, his hair sticking up like he had slept for too long. His face broke into a grin, and I smiled back.

"Everything okay?" I asked, and he nodded once.

"Paul just wanted to get me up to speed on Leah's crap. Nothing too exciting." I rolled my eyes.

"You'll have to meet the guy eventually."

"Sure, sure," he chimed, opening the door wider to lean against the door jam. He had left his shirt off and his feet bare from phasing. "Are you almost done?"

"Not quite," I said, my smile returning. "There's this spot on my back that I just can't seem to reach..." Jake laughed, the sound echoing like beams of light all around me, and he stepped into the bathroom, shutting the door with a click.

* * *

><p>I woke up to the sound of booming thunder, shaking the house and me in it. I shot up in bed, my quilt falling into my lap. Lightning flashed across my window and the thunder rumbled ominously. Jake's arm, which had slid down to my waist with the quilt, tightened around me, and he snored lightly. I glanced over at the tiny clock on my nightstand, and it was 9:15. I sighed, stretching my arms up above my head, and slid out of bed carefully to not wake Jacob. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, yawning lightly. I started unpacking my bag from the weekend, tossing most of my clothes into my hamper and tucking my bag of tiny travel shampoos under the bathroom sink. I peeked back into my room and saw that Jake had spread out to take over the entire bed, and I shook my head, smiling. I closed the door gently.<p>

My food was depleted from not going to the store for a few days, but I had milk and a box of half-eaten cereal, so I made myself a quick breakfast. I sat on my couch, my legs curled up under me and my hands wrapped around the bowl, as I listened to the storm outside. I hadn't remembered the weather being this bad on the flight into Seattle. I wondered how long the thunder would last. There was another loud boom, and I ate a spoonful of food.

Jake was still sleeping in the bedroom. We had stayed up later than usual, not saying much; we were wrapped in arms and legs and blankets, re-memorizing each other. I had missed him more than I was willing to admit to him, but he reciprocated my joy in our reunion, his skin almost hot to the touch, his eyes rarely leaving mine. We had fallen asleep in a heap of limbs and relief.

I wondered when he was going to be done with school. He had finally gone to the council with the request to finish high school early, and they said they would discuss an early graduation. I hoped we would be able to leave Forks once he was done. I wanted to travel, I realized. After visiting the Cullens on the east coast, I wanted to see more. I was newly curious about unknown places and unseen cities. With the vampires gone from Forks, the wolves had little to do now besides run around Washington endlessly, and I hoped that Jake wanted to leave as much as I suddenly did. I thought about college, about the two of us living together close to a busy campus and making new friends. Angela and Ben loved it, and I realized with a smile that it was a possibility, another perk of my chosen life.

The thunder was getting quieter and less frequent, but the rain on the roof was still pounding. I finished my cereal and took the bowl back into the kitchen, washing it easily and sticking it to dry on the dish rack on the counter. I checked on Jake again, but he was still asleep, face-down on the bed, his fingers hanging over the edge. I sat beside him and gripped his hand, squeezing it in mine. I ran my hand through his hair and he stirred, moaning into the pillow. He rolled over to look at me with half-closed eyes.

"Mmm," he mumbled, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Good morning to you, too," I said, smiling. He made another tiny noise and stretched his arms and legs, sitting up. His bare chest had tiny lines through the skin where the sheets had left marks, and his boxers had rolled down slightly, exposing his tan line.

"It's raining," he said gruffly. "When did that happen?"

"I'm not sure, but it woke me up. I can't believe you didn't hear the thunder earlier."

"I can sleep through anything," he said, rubbing his eyes. I laughed.

"Are you skipping school today?" He looked at me with one eyebrow raised. I rolled my eyes, unsurprised.

"What do you want to do?" He reached over for my hand and smiled. I leaned over and kissed him.

"You need to get back to La Push," I said, and he groaned, falling back onto the bed.

"Leah can wait. I haven't seen you for days. I don't want to deal with her."

"If you get it out of the way now, we can spend the rest of the day together," I said in a sing-song voice, trying to get him back in a good mood. He laughed and sat back up, shaking his head at me.

"You're ruthless," he said, grinning.

"But you love me anyway."

"But I love you anyway." He wrapped his arms around my waist and tugged me into his lap, his lips meeting mine with perfect synchronization, our bodies and minds linked. We sank back into the bed, and the thunder rumbled far away in the distance, the rain pattering away.


	17. Chapter 17

The sun was shining, a rare moment of warmth and blue sky. Jake and I were down in La Push on the beach, our swimsuits on and our towels laid out on the rocky shore. I watched from our spot as Jake barreled into the waves, jumping into the water with huge splashes. I threw my head back and laughed, feeling light as air.

"Come here!" Jake shouted, standing up so that his chest, dripping with salt water, was glinting in the sun.

"No way!" I called back, shaking my head. "It's too cold!" He crossed his arms and stuck out his bottom lip in a childish pout.

"Don't make me come get you!" I raised my eyebrows, and he laughed, stomping through the water back to shore. I stood up fast and backed away from the water's edge, grinning involuntarily. He stepped onto the sand, finally out of the waves, and sank slightly into a running stance, his knees bent and his arms out towards me. I shook my head and turned around to run, peals of laughter escaping my lips as he chased after me. When he caught up to me he grabbed me from behind and swung me around, the water soaking into my shirt and flinging around us. He set me down and stared at me, both of us laughing, as he leaned down to kiss me, long and slow. He picked me up suddenly, flinging me over his shoulder like a rag doll, and headed back to the water.

"Jacob Black, put me down!" I screamed, my lips still stretched into a grin and my cheeks flushed. "I'm not getting in!"

"Like you have a choice!" And then we were in the water, my feet and hands brushing the tops of the waves. The water was freezing, and I curled up, trying to scrunch up away from the ocean. Jake brought me out another few steps before dunking me, and the cold was bracing, like climbing an incline on a roller coaster and finally dropping from the top. I broke the surface and breathed deep, pushing my hair from my face. Jake was standing in front of me, crouching down in the water so that only his head was showing. He was grinning.

"I can't stand you," I said, laughing. I leaned my head back into the water, dipping my hair and brushing it back with my fingers.

"You just looked too dry up there." I stuck my tongue out, and he lunged at me, dunking me beneath the surface. I popped back up, gasping. He grabbed at my shirt and pulled it over my head, messing up my hair again and leaving tiny goose bumps all up and down my arms. He balled it up and tossed it to shore, the lump of fabric barely making it to the shore. Jake turned back to me and ran his hands over the silky fabric of my bathing suit across my stomach. I swatted his hand away and kissed him, leaning across the water to him.

I put my arms around him and shoved him further from shore, and he dragged me with him, holding me against him with one arm as he swam. He was still so warm, and the water was suddenly perfect with him beside me. We kept going, further and further, with my sun wrapped around me.

* * *

><p>"Bells?"<p>

"Hmm?" I turned towards Jake, taking my eyes from the trees through the window and shaking myself from my thoughts. He smiled.

"You're being awfully quiet," he remarked, one hand resting gently on the steering wheel and the other slung across the back of my seat. His tiny car chugged along down the road.

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Remember when we were down at the beach a few months ago, when the weather was nice enough to go swimming?" He smiled, glancing at me quickly.

"I miss that," he said wistfully.

"It's not going to be warm enough for that again for a while," I said. "Plus, with school for you and work for me, it would be tough to find time like that again."

"When do you have to go back to the library?" I grimaced.

"Tomorrow," I replied. Jake nodded slightly and slowed down for a turn, pushing the wheel with little effort. "How's it going with trying to graduate early?"

"I still haven't heard anything back," he said glumly, his face falling slightly. "Billy won't tell me a thing, even though I know he knows what the decision is gonna be. Why can't they just tell me now? I'd love to just graduate in the spring and be done with it."

"I think they'll let you," I said, trying to cheer him up. "I bet they're just making you wait because Billy is trying to mess with you."

"I just want to be done already. I feel ridiculous sitting there. You know I had one of the new teachers come up to me this August and ask me what subject I taught? It's insane." I laughed, and he smiled.

"You never told me about that," I said through giggles. He shook his head incredulously.

"I don't belong in school anymore! I'm too old!"

"Jake, you're not even 18 yet." He turned to me with a raised eyebrow. "Okay, fine. You're too old."

"Exactly."

It only took us another few minutes to get to the La Push limits, and from there we drove on to Sam and Emily's. Leah, Jake said, was coming over later with her boyfriend, but Jake wanted to get a chance to talk to Sam without her there. Sam nodded at Jake on our way through the door, but he eyed me with a reproachful stare.

"Jacob, this doesn't really involve her," he said evenly, and I felt my face get red, suddenly ashamed.

"She goes where I go," Jake retorted, squaring his shoulders. "Haven't you figured that out yet?" Sam sighed and went around to the kitchen. Jake turned to me and squeezed my hand, his eyes glinting.

"So when is Leah coming over?" Jake asked. I heard the water turn on in the kitchen.

"About ten minutes," Sam replied, clunking a dish against the side of the sink.

"Good," Jake whispered to me. "I want to get this over with so we can get out of here." He smiled at me, and my face mirrored his.

"I was thinking of going over to Charlie's for dinner tonight," I said absently, my mind drifting. "Do you want to come over?"

"What are you making?"

"I was thinking of doing fish with the Clearwater's fish fry."

"Count me in," he said, grinning. He kissed the top of my head, and I leaned into him slightly, making a mental note to call Charlie once we left.

"You two can sit," Sam said, coming back from the kitchen with a few bottles of water in his hands. "I might as well warn you before she gets here." Jake tugged me over to the couch and sat, me on his right closer to the front door.

"Have you met the guy yet?" Jake asked Sam as he sat in the armchair off to the side. Sam ran a hand over his face, his expression tense and almost weary.

"She brought him over yesterday," he said. "I wouldn't mind him if he didn't know about us. He was asking all of these questions. Jared got so mad that he almost phased, and Leah left pretty quickly after that."

"I don't blame him," Jake spat. "Leah's an idiot for doing this. Doesn't she realize what another person could do to us? What if he spills the secret?"

"I know," Sam said, his voice tired. "This isn't ideal. I'm still not even sure how she told him. She's still a part of this pack and she had orders."

"Maybe she phased by accident in front of him?" I suggested quietly after a minute of silence. "Then he would've been prying so much that she might have just told him everything."

"Or he just figured it out himself after he saw her," Sam said thoughtfully, his eyes distant.

"Whatever she did, it's not good," Jake said in a low voice. His arm beside mine was pulled against his body tightly, the muscles taut.

"She's almost here, so you should try to calm down," Sam warned. Jake visibly relaxed, his body sinking more into the couch cushions. He took a few deep breaths.

"I'm right here," I said softly, just to him. He turned to me, and a relieved smile broke across his face. He stretched a hand out to me and grabbed mine, our connection strong, warm.

"Don't yell at her," Sam said, pulling Jake's attention back to him. "We don't want her to run again. Keep it light; don't get mad at her. Make her want to stay. Sue said she couldn't bear to have her leave again." Jake nodded once, and I thought of Sue, alone and worried for her daughter. I wanted to help convince her to stay, too, for Sue's sake.

There was a sudden knock at the door, and Jake sucked in a breath, his expression situating into something passive. Sam stood and walked over to the door, pausing to turn back to face us. He caught Jake's eye and nodded very slightly. And then, with a hand on the knob, he pulled open the door.

Leah looked so different. She had dyed her hair a light brown rather than a dark black, and she was wearing makeup, which I'd never seen on her. She had on a dress, light blue and flowing, and tiny little sandals on her feet despite the cold weather of November in Washington. Her hand was wrapped around the hand of the boy beside her. He was tall, but not as tall as Jake or Sam. His hair was bleached blonde, and his skin was tanned, almost as dark as Leah's. He looked nervously at Sam, then at Jake, and then his eyes fell onto me. His features contorted, and he stepped inside, letting go of Leah's hand. I stood up from the couch, my expression unknown. He cocked his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows deeper.

"I thought you said she was in California," I said back to Jake, not taking my eyes off of the boy in front of me, my voice weird and twisted.

"Do you two know each other?" Sam asked, but his words were so small, so far away. Leah's boyfriend took another step towards me.

"Bella?" His voice was so familiar; I could've picked it out from a crowd of hundreds.

"Chris?"


	18. Chapter 18

Everyone was quiet. I felt the blood rushing into my cheeks, my blush burning. Chris was staring at me with his head still cocked, his eyes full of wonder.

"Bella?" Jake said uneasily from behind me, but I ignored him.

"I can't believe it's actually you," Chris said quietly. His voice had gotten deeper, more mature.

"I thought you said she was in California," I repeated, my voice uneven, as I turned back to Jake. He was staring at me like he'd never truly seen me before.

"We _were_ in California," Chris said quickly, and I turned back to face him. He glanced back at Leah, who looked just as confused as Jake. "I was in LA."

"What about your dad?" I asked, but Chris just shrugged.

"He said he was tired of making me move around, so I followed a few friends to California when we graduated high school."

"Where is he now?"

"Bahrain," he said, his expression dropping slightly. "He was sent over there last year."

"Hold up," Jake said loudly, standing from the couch. I turned around to look at him, but he was already right beside me, towering over Chris though Chris was tall himself. "What the hell is going on? How do you know him?" I glanced at Chris, who was just staring at me.

"He was my best friend," I said softly, still staring at Chris. I couldn't stop. I was locked onto him, like seeing a ghost. My stomach felt queasy, my feet unsteady.

"When we were kids," Chris finished, smiling slightly at me. I remembered his smile, and I smiled back involuntarily, a rush of memories washing over me: riding our bikes down the street in our neighborhood, walking home from school every day, playing in the yard in front of our houses.

"You didn't tell me you knew Bella," Leah said, her voice almost acidic. She looked furious, and I averted my eyes from the anger in hers.

"You didn't tell me _you_ knew Bella," Chris retorted, swiveling around to look at her.

"How was I supposed to know that she was important enough to even mention?" Leah asked, her eyes narrowed.

"Exactly," Chris countered. Leah huffed and crossed her slender arms across her chest.

"Leah, I'm sorry," I said quickly, trying to placate. "We're probably being weird. I shouldn't have even been here. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Leah said, exhaling through pursed lips. Her expression softened. "It just surprised me, is all. At least it makes the introductions a little easier." I smiled slightly. Huh, I thought, Leah joking was new.

"Come in, please," Sam said, motioning to Leah. "We can talk some more once everyone is inside." She stepped in and reached out for Chris's hand. Jake grabbed mine almost roughly and held it hard, squeezing.

The day dragged through a series of awkward questions and stunted silences. Jake refrained from asking me too much about Chris, but instead we had to listen to him and Leah talk about where they've been. They met in a small diner where Chris was working; he was her waiter in the dead of night, when the restaurant was empty besides her. She was low on money by then and feeling lost and confused. Chris saw how worn out she was and sat down with her, and the two talked all night. He took her back to the hotel to get her things then to his apartment, where she stayed.

Leah was so different. She was smiling and happy, not brooding or snarky like I'd only ever seen her. She had a great sense of humor, and she talked with her hands a lot, waving her arms around and setting her bracelets – a set of about 10 shiny silver bangles that I hadn't noticed before – jingling together. Chris, on the other hand, hadn't changed at all. He was still very vocal, a little too sarcastic, and overwhelmingly easygoing, not showing any signs of feeling uncomfortable at all. I wish I could've said the same for Sam and Jake.

After a couple of hours, Leah tapped Chris on the arm and motioned to her wrist and the imaginary watch there. He nodded and stood up, stretching his long arms above his head easily.

"Leah and I should get going," he said, and she stood up beside him. Sam followed them to the door, but I was torn, not knowing whether to follow them out or to stay sitting with Jake, whose discomfort was flowing out in waves.

"It was nice to meet you," Jake said, his jaw unclenching with noticeable effort. I smacked him lightly on the leg, hoping they couldn't see.

"You too," Chris replied from the door. "And Bell?" I turned around, and he was smiling at me. "Come here, I'll give you my number. We should catch up." I stood and walked over to him, feeling like a child again as he scribbled a few numbers onto a scrap of paper and handed it out to me. I tucked it away into the pocket of my jeans. He stuck his hands into his hoodie pocket.

"It was really great to see you again," I said, my stomach turning again. His smile widened.

"Call me, seriously," he said coolly. "I'll see you soon." With that, he tugged Leah out through the open door, and Sam closed it with a solid sound. I exhaled, feeling like something had been gripping at my chest and had finally let go. Jake stood up and came over to me, wrapping an arm around my waist.

"We should get going, too," he said, a little too harshly. I glanced up at him, and his eyebrows were hard-set.

"When will you be back in La Push?" Sam asked. Jake shrugged.

"I'll let you know." Sam nodded and, at that, he opened the door back up for us. I smiled at him and opened my mouth to say goodbye, but Jake, gripping my waist tightly, pulled me out the door and to the car. He was silent as he opened my door and then rushed around to his side, almost slamming his door as he sat down. I turned to him, ready to protest, but his expression stopped me. He was grinning from ear to ear, his eyes shining.

"God, I'm so glad that's over," he said brightly. "Let's do something today. We have a few hours until dinner with Charlie. By the way, you still need to call him, right? We'll do that now, and then we can go do something. What movies are out? We could go-"

"Jake," I interrupted, putting a finger over his mouth to quiet him. "Relax. You're talking way too fast." He exhaled slowly, his cheeks puffed out.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "I'm just...I don't even really know. It's weird that you knew the guy, I can't lie. But it makes it so much easier to not hate him. Plus, you can probably get a lot more out of him than we can get out of Leah. It's perfect."

"I guess." I didn't like that he thought of me as a spy, but at least he wasn't upset.

"This is good, okay?" He reached for both of my hands and cradled them in his. His copper skin contrasted so much to my pale color; I wished I was tan so we weren't so different.

"All right," I said, smiling. He leaned over and kissed me, putting a hand behind my head to hold me there, right with him.

* * *

><p>"Bella!"<p>

"Hi, Mom." I held the phone a little away from my ear, her squealing loud and shrill. I waited for her to calm down a little.

"Oh my goodness, Bella, it's so wonderful to hear from you!" she was gushing. "I feel like it's been so long! You must just be so busy! But I'm so glad you called!" She continued to ramble on and on, and I settled into the couch for a long phone call.

Jake and I had gone and seen a movie after all, the latest comedy that had terrible reviews but ended up being all right. We had dinner at Charlie's after with the fish fry I had promised Jake earlier. As we were sitting around watching television, Jake had gotten a call from Sam asking him to come back to La Push, so we had to cut dinner short. Jake drove me back home and promised he'd call me later before driving off. I decided to call Renee, whom I had been neglecting; I hadn't talked to her in weeks.

"How's Phil?" I finally managed to get in between her fretting.

"He's wonderful," she said easily. "He's home now, which has been great. But Florida is just getting so cold lately! It's amazing how chilly it's been here! I thought this place was supposed to be warm."

"It's supposed to be a pretty cold winter this year all around."

"I heard. But enough about the weather! How are things in Forks?"

"I actually have something crazy to tell you." I heard her gasp a little, and I could imagine her hands fluttering around.

"I love crazy! What happened?"

"Do you remember Chris Patterson? Our old neighbor?"

"Patterson?" Renee said thoughtfully, dragging out the syllables. "Was he the little boy with the father in the military?"

"Yeah, that's him."

"I do remember him, vaguely," she said, still slowly.

"Well, he's here in Forks," I said. "One of Jake's friends met him in LA and brought him back up here."

"Small world!" she said, laughing. "How is he?"

"He's great. His dad is overseas right now."

"Steven was always such a nice man," she said wistfully, and I knew she was remembering the long nights they spent together while Chris and I played. We had always hoped they would get together so that we could live in the same house, our rooms side-by-side, staying up late into the night in bunk bed forts.

"It's really cool seeing him again," I said, switching the phone to my other ear.

"I can imagine. Let me know what's been going on with him when you talk to him next!"

"I will." We talked for a little while longer; she told me about her newest hobby of knitting scarves, and I told her about my job at the library and visiting the Cullens. She wanted to hear more, but Phil came home in the middle of the call and she hurried off the line with a quick 'I love you sweetie, call me later!' I sat back on the couch for a minute before I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the little scrap of paper there.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Chris," I said. "It's Bella."

"Liberty Bell!" he said cheerfully, his voice loud. I smiled at my old nickname. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to see what you were doing tonight," I said, cocking the phone between my ear and shoulder.

"Well, Leah left a little while ago to go back to La Push," he said, and the phone crackled for a second. "So at the moment? I'm not doing much."

"Where are you?"

"I'm in some hotel, probably pretty close to you. Where's a good restaurant?" I thought for a moment. Forks was pretty lacking in options.

"There's a little place not too far from here that should be open for a while," I said thoughtfully.

"I'll meet you there," he said, his voice moving to a room that echoed more. "Give me ten minutes." The phone clicked off, and I sat with it in my hand for a moment, a smile plastered stupidly on my face. I left in a hurry, checking my face in the mirror by the door and fluffing my hair a little before rushing out to my truck. I cranked the engine and backed out of the driveway, too fast.

It wasn't until I was stopped at a light that I noticed the butterflies dancing around in my stomach, the way I kept touching my hair, the warm pinkness in my cheeks. I was excited and nervous and anxious. And, suddenly, I felt guilty. I was driving around at night to go see a guy while my boyfriend was away at a pack meeting. My skin began to crawl like I was surrounded by static.

I thought back to the day Chris left. We had known that his dad had been deployed for a few weeks, but when the day came, it was still hard. I was barely ten, still a child, and Chris was young enough to cry as the movers loaded up the huge truck. We sat on the lawn under the shady tree in my yard, both of us leaning against the trunk, watching the men go in and out of the house endlessly. When his dad finally called him over to the car, we had hugged for what felt like hours before he broke away. He kissed my cheek, promised to call when he got settled, and ran to the car where his dad was waiting. Renee held my hand as they pulled away, Chris sticking his head out of the car window, waving until they turned a corner and disappeared. He had never called.

Chris was one of my only friends. We were both a little off, and that worked for us. When he left, I retreated back into myself, and I didn't make any lasting friends after that. Leaving Phoenix to come to Forks, what felt like so long ago, had been easy socially, as I wasn't leaving anyone behind that I cared about. Seeing him again was almost like seeing my childhood in a flashing movie, years and years later.

I saw the diner through my windshield and pulled over, my skin still zinging but no longer from guilt. Bubbles rose and popped in my chest like something inside of me was boiling. I tried to shake off the feeling and got out of my truck.

Chris was easy to spot. He was sitting alone at a booth, a few other tables full around him. He had a menu open in front of him and he was looking at it absently. His fingers were draped around the black straw in his glass as he stirred it slowly. As I walked up to him, he glanced up and smiled. I felt myself smile back and take the seat across from him easily.

"You look exhausted," he remarked, eyeing me. I wrinkled my eyebrows.

"I just got off the phone with my mom," I said, plucking a menu from the stand at the end of the table. Chris laughed.

"God, I remember Renee!" he said, pointing at me like a discovery. "Does she still just ramble on and on?"

"Of course," I replied, waving my hand in an imitation. He rolled his eyes.

"When did you move up here?" he asked. I reached for the second water on the table and took a sip.

"A few years ago. Renee got remarried to a guy named Phil, and he plays baseball out in Florida. So, when she went to move to him, I came up here to live with Charlie. My dad, I mean," I corrected, not sure if he would remember specific names.

"I almost forgot he lived up here. You used to visit when we were kids."

"Yeah, I did. And when it came down to Florida or here, I picked here." The waitress came by, a girl I recognized from high school in the class below mine. She smiled at me in recognition before taking my order of a soda. She waved before wandering to another table, a pad of paper in her hand.

"What's it like?"

"Very wet," I said, grimacing. He laughed again. "It's really different from Phoenix, for sure. But you've probably gotten used to new places by now."

"I'll never get used to it," he said, shrugging nonchalantly. "Once we left Phoenix, we must've moved about three times a year. But I never got used to it. And we've never been anywhere like this, so this is all new."

"Where else did you go?"

"Well, remember when we left the first time, we just went to Charleston. We were there for about a year before we started moving constantly. From there, it was all over the world, places like Japan and Italy and Guam. We were even in Pearl Harbor for a little while, which was pretty awesome. We came back to the states a few times here and there, but it was never for long."

"I'm sorry," I said, and I was surprised by how genuine I sounded. He glanced up from his menu at me, and I smiled a tiny smile. "That must've been rough."

"It was just the way it was," he said, shrugging again. "It's nice to be back in the states for good this time, though."

"What happened? Why California?" I was brimming with curiosity, and I felt like I would explode. It was so easy to talk to him, like falling back into an old routine. I wanted to pull his hair and toss sand at him like we used to when we were kids.

"Dad was in Jacksonville for my senior year last year. We were doing great there. He had a girlfriend and I had some really close friends. But then he got orders again, this time for Bahrain. I was almost done with school, and he just felt so guilty. So he let me stay there while he went off. And, when the school year ended, my friends decided to move to California for school. I didn't really care for college right away, so I just went with them for a change of scenery."

"I'm surprised Steven was okay with that." The waitress came back with my soda then, placing it on the edge of the table and saying something about taking my time to decide what I wanted to eat before strutting off again. I took a big gulp.

"He just didn't want to keep moving me around, I guess." Chris was staring out the window at nothing, the darkness swallowing up the trees outside. He turned back to me and perked up, his eyes warm. "Enough about me, though. How have you been? What was Phoenix like without me?" I laughed, pushing my hair out of my face.

"Pretty dull," I said, folding my menu back up and sticking it into the stack.

"Oh, come on," he said, dragging it out. "What about the hot gossip? I want to know whose lives went to shit." I thought for a minute.

"I've got one. Remember Carrie? She got pregnant and dropped out of high school." Chris's mouth dropped open like he'd been hit.

"Carrie?" he said incredulously. "No way."

"Scout's honor," I said, scrunching up my face. "It was some guy at her sleepaway summer camp during sophomore year."

"I would never have pegged her as the type," he said, shaking his head. He took a sip of his water. "Now Maggie, I could've seen it happening to her."

"She hadn't flushed her life down the drain before I left, but who knows what's happened since then?" Chris smiled, and I remembered the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled a genuine smile. The edges of his eyes still creased up, just like I remembered.

"Who else? I'm dying to know."

"Garret started dating Noelle during freshman year, and they were still together when I left. Nick and Christina were dating, too, but there was no way that one was going to last. Aaron moved away in middle school when his mom died, and Brendan was arrested for stealing gum from a gas station." I went on and on, telling him all the minute details of the kids we had grown up with, their lives unravelling or growing with the passage of time. Chris loved anything I had, soaking up the information like he couldn't get enough. The waitress came back and took his order, a burger with fries, and she came and dropped it off later, with us still talking on and on.

I felt like a different person. I was turning back into the child in Phoenix, a little girl who loved to go swimming and play on the playground and run around late at night playing hide-and-seek. I could've stayed there and talked to him forever, filling him in on the life he left behind. But, with him across the table laughing like I remembered, it was as if he never left.

"You've got to be kidding," Chris was saying. We had been there for what was presumably hours.

"I'm not, I swear," I said through giggles. "It was a dog. I have no idea how it got into the school, but it was just running around like it belonged. And-" My cell phone started chiming, and I stopped mid-sentence to pull it out of my pocket, expecting Jake's name to appear on the screen. Instead, to my surprise, it was Alice. I held up a finger to Chris and opened the phone.

"Hello?"

"Bella, what the hell?"

"Alice?" I was taken aback by her tone, incredulous and angry and elated all at once.

"What is going on? Who is that?"

"Who is who?" I asked, confused.

"The boy you're with. Who is he?"

"What, you mean Chris?" I saw Chris perk up at his name, and he looked up at me, his eyebrows raised. I pursed my lips and stared right at him.

"I suppose that's him. Chris, you said?" Her voice was off, almost wild, like she was crazed.

"Yeah. Alice...wait, how do you know I'm with him right now?"

"You're with him right now? No wonder!" She trilled a loud expletive which sounded metallic in her beautiful voice.

"What on earth is going on?"

"Bella, I can _see_ you! How can I see you? Where is Jacob?" My mouth was open slightly, my breath gone, my words choked. I was still watching Chris, whose expression hadn't changed.

Alice could see me. I knew what that meant.

"Alice, how far can you see?"

"Maybe two, three hours."

"I have to go." I snapped the phone shut and closed my eyes, covering my face with my other hand.

"Bell, you okay?" Chris asked, his voice tinged with concern. I pushed out from the booth, too fast.

"I have to go," I said quickly, tossing a few dollars onto the table to pay for my soda. "I'm fine. I'll call you, okay? And thank you for this, really." I glanced at him one last time, his face twisted into a mask of alarm and confusion, before I pivoted around and walked out the door. The cold November air was bracing, and in it I was able to breathe again. I sucked in enough air to fill my lungs, holding it there as I stood, rooted to the spot outside of the doors.

"Isabella."

I spun fast to my right, my balance off as I almost jumped out of surprise. The air in my lungs shot out of my mouth in a loud gasp. I reached up for my heart, holding a hand there to steady myself. Edward didn't move, just stood leaning against a tall sign post for handicapped parking. I caught my breath for a minute before I looked back up at him.

"What on earth are you doing here, Edward?" I asked, whispering furiously. "You scared me half to death!"

"Who is that?" he asked flatly. I creased my eyebrows.

"What?"

"That boy inside." He motioned to the table where Chris sat, talking to the waitress. "Who is he?"

"He's an old friend of mine," I said. "Why?"

"He looked at you like you were more than friends." I narrowed my eyes at him, suddenly angry.

"Who are you to make judgments on my friends?" I spat out, angling myself towards him to get closer to his face, to let my anger seep into him. "You and I were friends, and then out of nowhere you just take off for a week. And then when you finally come back, this is what I get? Well, welcome back, Edward." He blinked, his lips pursed.

"I'm sorry." I opened my mouth to retort, but I hadn't been expecting an apology. I huffed out my pent-up breath. "I didn't mean to pick a fight with you. Would you like me to drive you home? You seem distressed." I eyed him for a moment before nodding, and we walked over to my truck in silence.

"Where have you been?" I asked, climbing into the passenger's side. He didn't answer, nor did he say a word during the entire drive back to my tiny house. He cut the ignition in the driveway, and it was suddenly very quiet.

"I do want to be friends," Edward said softly. I turned to face him, and he was staring down at his hands in his lap. "I would prefer to be friends than nothing at all."

"Then tell me before you decide to take off," I said firmly. He looked up at me, and I kept my face steady.

"I will tell you if I decide to leave again," he agreed after a minute. I sighed.

"Look, I'm really tired, okay? I just want to get to bed." Edward nodded, and we both got out of my truck. He walked me to my door, and when I turned the key in the lock, he leaned down to kiss me on the forehead before darting off with inhuman speed into the night.

I set my keys down on the kitchen counter and opened my phone to call Jake. He didn't pick up, so I left a message, telling him that I was home and turning in for the night. I changed into pajamas and laid down, wrapping my quilt around myself. My mind raced with thoughts of Chris and Alice and Edward and Jake, my brain tossing and turning. I closed my eyes tight and tried, in vain, to sleep.


	19. Chapter 19 - Jacob

**A/N: Jacob inspiration struck me again! :) I hope you guys all like this one!**

* * *

><p>I'd heard all about the guy and what he was like. Most of the guys didn't really like him. They said he was too smug and acted like he was better than them. Leah had horrible taste, they all said. And when I saw him, I thought the same thing. He looked pretty plain, tan and blonde and beachy. A surfer boy. Kowabunga dude, and all that. He didn't really look like much, nothing special.<p>

But I guess I was wrong.

In a word, I was confused. I was very confused. Bella was still staring at Leah's new boy toy, and he was still staring at her. He was looking at her with an expression that made my stomach simmer and my blood start to boil. I suddenly felt like getting up and socking him in his stupid face. Who the hell was he, anyway?

"Bella?" I said, and I sounded like a child. God.

"I can't believe it's actually you," the guy, Chris, said. My face got hot and my hands started to shake, just slightly. Sam made a tiny noise and I swiveled my head around to look at him, and the look on his face told me to relax. I took a deep breath to stop the tremors.

"I thought you said she was in California," Bella said incredulously. She turned around to face me finally, but I almost wish she hadn't. The gleam in her eyes, the blush spreading across her cheeks, the slight drop of her lips, was like a knife stabbing into my chest. What was that look for? Who was this guy to her? And what had she been keeping from me that brought this out of her?

"We _were_ in California," Chris said, and Bella whipped back around like a shot. "I was in LA."

"What about your dad?" Bella asked. How did she know his dad?

"He said he was tired of making me move around, so I followed a few friends to California when we graduated high school." Sure you did, pretty boy.

"Where is he now?" Bella was angled towards him, her body leaning closer. It set my skin crawling.

"Bahrain. He was sent over there last year." I couldn't take it any longer. I got up, ignoring Sam's glaring.

"Hold up." Chris was so tiny next to me. I stood up nice and straight, trying to look intimidating. "What the hell is going on? How do you know him?"

"He was my best friend," Bella said, not looking at me. Best friend? She'd never mentioned him before.

"When we were kids," Chris said. He smiled at her, and she smiled back, tiny and timid. I tried to relax. Ex-best friend was better than ex-boyfriend, right?

"You didn't tell me you knew Bella." It was Leah, and she sounded pissed. I smirked at Chris, but he had already turned around. I heard Sam exhale slightly, and my face dropped immediately.

"You didn't tell me _you_ knew Bella."

"How was I supposed to know that she was important enough to even mention?"

"Exactly." I might not have liked the guy, but he had a good point. Leah was seething.

"Leah, I'm sorry," Bella said, leaning forward towards them. "We're probably being weird. I shouldn't have even been here. I'm sorry." I wished I'd listened to Sam and left her behind. This was just too uncomfortable.

"Don't apologize," Leah said, and I watched her manage to shake off the single shiver that ran through her. "It just surprised me, is all. At least it makes the introductions a little easier."

"Come in, please," Sam said, his voice tinged with the voice of the alpha. "We can talk some more once everyone is inside." Leah listened and came inside. When she grabbed Chris's hand, I reached out for Bella's, squeezing. The contact helped.

"Would you like anything to drink, Chris?" Sam asked, wandering into the kitchen. Chris shook his head and took a seat on one of the barstools by the island with Leah following. I pulled Bella back to the couch and sat down, putting a hand on her thigh. She leaned over and kissed my cheek, and I smiled slightly. She still wasn't looking at me, though. That Chris had all of her attention.

"So how do you know Bella, exactly?" Leah asked, shaking out her arm so that her obnoxious silver bracelets smacked together loudly.

"Can we please not talk about that right now?" Chris said in a low voice that I doubt Bella could hear. Leah stared at him for a moment before nodding slightly.

"I hope that, without so many people here, this is less intimidating," Sam said to Chris, coming back into the room and leaning against the wall, opting not to sit. I guess he wanted to be up in case something happened.

"It's fine," Chris said, smiling. I wanted to punch his teeth out.

"Leah, do you think you could tell us a little about where you've been, now that it's just us?" Sam asked, turning to her. She blinked at him, her face sour like she just sucked on a lemon.

"This is much better," she said, too chipper. Her sarcasm hadn't disappeared, I noticed.

"So what happened when you first got to California?"

They rambled on for an eternity, but I tuned most of it out. I didn't care where Leah had been, not really. I was only there for Sam's sake, because I knew he wanted someone else there when she finally spilled. Plus, he knew Leah would never have agreed to go if it had just been Sam. Even with another guy, I knew she was still hurting; I could see it all over her face.

But things were okay. As they babbled about meeting and living together and whatever, I kept looking and Bella. She was interested for a little bit, probably hoping to hear more about where the best friend has been, but once she realized he wasn't really talking about any of that, she started drifting too. Her head would turn occasionally from the conversation to stare at the pictures on the walls. Her fingers would move to trace circles on the back of my hand absently. She would press her leg into mine every few minutes, like she was letting me know she was still there.

And having her there, having her know Chris, made things surprisingly easy. I wanted to hate the guy for being in on our secret. I wanted to rip his head off – and Leah's, for that matter – for being such a threat. But I knew Bella's judgment. As flawed as it had been when she had befriended a pack of vampires, I knew she wouldn't just trust a human being who was dangerous. Her supernatural radar was off, but she was great at reading regular people. Unless this guy had done a complete 180 since they'd been friends, I knew we could trust him. It made it remarkably simple to not toss him off the cliff.

When they finally left, I was relieved and exhausted all at once. I hadn't realized how tense I'd been. It was like having to unhinge myself, like I'd been locked in place forever. I just wanted to get out of the house and kiss Bella. I really just wanted to go back to her place for a few hours...

"And Bell? Come here, I'll give you my number. We should catch up." I shook out of my disinterested daze as Bella left my side. I felt suddenly naked without her beside me. I watched with narrowed eyes as Chris handed over a piece of paper with some writing on it. I still didn't like the way he looked at her.

"It was really great to see you again," Bella said. I wanted to gag.

"Call me, seriously. I'll see you soon." He was all cool and collected. It was exhausting just to watch how nonchalant he tried to be. When they were out the door, I stood up and walked too fast to Bella's side, snaking an arm around her waist. I breathed in the scent of her shampoo, trying to clear my head again.

"We should get going, too," I said, glancing at Sam. His eyes were hard, but he wasn't going to argue.

"When will you be back in La Push?" I shrugged.

"I'll let you know." Sam nodded and opened the door again. I pulled Bella outside, heading for the car. I wanted to get out of La Push. I wanted to go _do_ something. I was suddenly so full of energy, like I'd been stuck in a can and someone finally popped it open. When I sat down in the car next to her, I couldn't stop myself from grinning. I was bursting.

"God, I'm so glad that's over. Let's do something today. We have a few hours until dinner with Charlie. By the way, you still need to call him, right? We'll do that now, and then we can go do something. What movies are out? We could go-"

"Jake," Bella said, cutting me off. She reached out a hand and put a finger against my lips. "Relax. You're talking way too fast." I blew out the rest of the air in my lungs in a puff.

"Sorry," I said, averting my eyes. "I'm just...I don't even really know. It's weird that you knew the guy, I can't lie. But it makes it so much easier to not hate him. Plus, you can probably get a lot more out of him than we can get out of Leah. It's perfect." An uneasy look crossed her face, but it faded away just as quickly.

"I guess."

"This is good, okay?" I grabbed her hands. They were always just a little cold, no matter how hard I tried to warm them up.

"All right," she said, and she smiled. She was beautiful. I leaned over the console and kissed her like I meant it.

* * *

><p>We went to the movies. I rummaged around in my car for a twenty that I knew was in there somewhere, and I even splurged and let her get a bag of popcorn. She was back to her old self again, laughing and joking. I tried my best to pay attention to the movie, but she was so distracting. Every time she reached into my lap to dig into the popcorn bag, she would shake her hair out and I would get hit with the sweet smell of her shampoo. I wanted to grab her face and kiss her like we weren't in public, right there in the theater.<p>

We went to Charlie's after the movie ended. He had just gotten back from work, and he was putting away his gun belt and sheriff jacket when we walked in.

"Bella!" he said, too loudly. He was grinning wide. He reached over to her for a one-armed hug. "I haven't seen you in a while!"

"I'm sorry, Charlie," she said, sounding guilty. "I've just been really busy." He nudged her, and she looked up at his beaming face.

"I'm just messing with you, honey," he said, chuckling. He glanced over at me with an almost-smirk. "Good to see you again, Jake."

"You too, Charlie."

"So on the phone Jake mentioned something about a fish fry tonight..." His voice drifted as he walked to the kitchen with Bella. Their walks were so similar, both a little rigid and leaning slightly to the right. I smiled to myself and followed them.

As promised, Bella made fish, which was delicious. The three of us sat around the table eating, Charlie too wrapped up in his food to talk much. Bella told him about Maine with the Cullens, and he nodded at the appropriate places, his mouth too stuffed for much more of a response. He was happy to have us, though. I could see it written all over his face. He seemed lonely, now that Bella had moved back out. He and Billy probably did more together than Bella and I did, but I wondered if he missed Bella being in the house.

I volunteered to do the dishes so that Bella and Charlie could catch up some more. The two of them drifted into the living room while I stayed in the kitchen, my hands deep in the soapy water. I thought back to Bella's face when she had turned around to me, the amazement in her eyes. I didn't want to admit to being jealous, but I knew I was. And, if I was being honest with myself, I was a little pissed, too. Why had she never mentioned him? Would she ever explain it to me, or would she just keep it to herself? The last thing I wanted was to be the jealous boyfriend, especially if there was nothing to even be jealous of. I tried to just ignore it and keep washing.

Charlie turned on the television for background noise, but he and Bella kept talking. She wanted to know about how things had been going down at the station, and to me it sounded like he was pulling stories out of his ass just to keep the conversation going. But, whatever, I wasn't going to judge. I just settled into the couch and watched the show, some reality towing show, and half-listened to Charlie's not-so-exciting ramblings.

I felt the hairs on my arm stand up before I heard Sam. His howl was off, slightly crazed, and I knew instantly that something was wrong. I sat up ramrod straight, my head whipping towards the sound, and I felt my hands start to shake. Bella touched her fingers to my arm, and I almost recoiled from the touch. I was so on edge suddenly. I turned back to her and tried to calm down.

"What was that?" Charlie asked, staring at me with raised eyebrows. I stretched my fingers out from my palms and retracted them a few times.

"I thought I heard my cell phone," I lied, pulling my crappy cell from my pocket. I pretended to check it for messages, and when I thought I'd let enough time pass of me staring at the screen, I glanced back up at Charlie.

"Trouble down in La Push?" he asked, looking concerned. I guess I didn't look as calm as I hoped I was. I managed a smile.

"Everything's cool," I said easily. "Quil's car broke down and he's asking for a ride home. I should go help him, though. It's supposed to get pretty cold later." Charlie nodded, standing up. Bella stood with me, her hand wrapped around mine. I avoided looking at her until we were outside, having said our goodbyes and apologies to Charlie. I knew exactly what I would see all over her face, and I was right.

"What's wrong?" she asked immediately, pulling me to a stop. I tugged her to the car, not looking back at the house.

"Don't let Charlie think anything," I said in a low voice. "I'll tell you in a second." We got in the car and I turned the key in the ignition too fast, having to try three times before the engine caught. I waited until we had pulled away from the house before glancing over at Bella. Her eyebrows were furrowed intently.

"I know something is wrong," she said indignantly. Her forehead creased slightly, the tiny line that always popped up on her face when she was frustrated.

"I'm not sure," I said carefully. I didn't want to worry her. "Sam just called, though."

"Was it important?"

"I just want to get back to the res to make sure, okay?" She bit her lip slightly, and I reached out a hand to pull her teeth from her lip. "Everything is fine, I promise."

"Promise?"

"Sure, sure." She rolled her eyes, and I grinned. She seemed to relax a little, and I turned onto the main road, heading to her house.

"Call me as soon as you can," she said firmly, standing on her doorstep and pointing a finger at me accusingly. "I mean it. I want to make sure you're okay."

"I promise, honey." She lowered her hand and wrapped her arms around me, her tiny hands not even reaching all the way around. I hugged her back, kissing the top of her head and smoothing back her hair from her face. I leaned in and kissed her hard, my head dizzy and spinning when she finally pulled away. I grinned, and she rolled her eyes, fighting a smile.

"Call me," she said again, turning around and heading through the door.

"Love you," I said, and she turned back to me, the light from the house glowing behind her.

"Love you more," she replied, smiling back at me as she shut the door. I took a breath, giving myself a few seconds before heading back to my car. I drove too fast back to La Push, my mind racing with a thousand thoughts, most focused on Chris. I hadn't wanted to freak Bella out, but I had a sinking feeling that he had done something stupid. I dropped off the car at my house and ran into the woods across the street, stripping off my clothes and phasing easily, like instinct. Instantly, I was bombarded with thoughts.

_This is terrible._

_I can't imagine what this will mean for the pack._

_It'll be just like before, all fun and games._

_Jake. _I could pick Sam's voice out from the others. _Meet us._ I could see the clearing through his eyes, and I ran to them, trying to tune out the din of voices. When I got to the rest of the pack, everyone was pacing around, no one sitting still. I glanced at Sam in confusion before it finally hit me. Instantly, every hair on my body stood straight up with the smell, and I almost snarled.

_Vampire, _I managed, my mind reeling. I could hear the rest of the pack mutter in agreement and shared contempt.

_Do you recognize it?_ Sam asked.

_It's not a Cullen. It's disgusting. It's like it's rotting._

_Exactly._

It only took me a moment, only a few short milliseconds of the flurry of thoughts around me, to pick out the one common thought.

_They came for Bella early._

I was screaming. I was raking my claws down my face. I was thrashing and throwing myself against the earth, the trees. I was dying.

_Jake, calm down, _Sam ordered, the alpha tone thick in his voice. _We need to figure this out._

They had come. They were early. Alice had been wrong all along. I had to get back to her. She wasn't safe. I turned and started to run to Forks, but three huge figures stepped in front of me, blocking my path and pushing me back into the clearing. I gnashed at them, but they wouldn't let me go. I couldn't even hear any thoughts anymore; I was lost in agony.

_Jake, _Embry said, his voice finally breaking through. _You have to get a grip. We need you to call the bloodsucker. We need her help right now._

_I can't,_ I pleaded. _I can't phase back right now._

_You have to try, _Sam said deeply. _The faster you phase back, the faster we can make a plan._

It felt like hours before I could calm down enough to phase. And when I did, the silence was deafening. I was suddenly alone in my torture, and I felt like collapsing in on myself. I tried to get a grip and looked around for a phone. Sam motioned his nose towards the woods to his left, and I wandered around, feeling blind, until I found a tiny black cell phone in a pile of clothing. I pulled it out and mechanically dialed Alice's number, slightly appalled that I knew it by memory, and put the phone up to my ear. The ringing stung like knives.

"Hello?" Her voice was chipper, too happy. I wanted to scream.

"Alice," I managed. But that was all I needed. I heard her gasp, the sound tiny and pained.

"Where is Bella?" she demanded, screaming into the phone. I felt like I was dreaming, everything fuzzy.

"Home," I choked out.

"So she's all right?"

"For now." She breathed loudly on the other end, her relief tangible.

"Don't you scare me like that, Jacob Black!" she chided, her voice almost manic. "What the hell is going on?"

"I think they came early." There was a second of pause, then another, then another. The silence dragged on for a lifetime, an eternity. I was swallowed by her silence.

"Tell me everything," she finally said, her voice small and even. I could barely breathe.

"We found a new scent," I said. I sounded dead already. "It's not one of yours. We think we know what it is."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," she said quickly, and there was a loud series of banging and bumping around. "Give me a few hours. We'll figure this out."

"Alice, hurry."

"I will. Until then, don't you leave her side, Jacob. She needs protection." I nodded, though I knew she couldn't see it.

"Just hurry." I felt like a robot, repeating myself over and over like an idiot.

"I wi-" She cut off with a gurgling noise, and I felt my stomach tighten.

"Alice? What happened?" She was quiet for another moment.

"Bella?" Her voice was so full of wonder, so full of amazement. "Is that you?" And then the line went dead.

I threw the phone into the dirt and ran back to the clearing, phasing so easily and quickly that it was barely a thought. The collective pack mind was comforting in its noise, and I tried to just let the ocean of chaos calm me down.

_First, we need to follow the trail,_ Sam was saying. He turned slightly. _Collin, you and Brady follow the trail north. Paul, take Embry and follow it south. Be careful; we don't know what we're dealing with. _The four wolves cleared out in a blink, darting away from us in each direction.

_Jake, you need to get back to Forks, _Quil said uneasily. _The last place you need to be is here worrying._ I nodded, and Sam motioned for me to head back.

_Don't alarm her, _Sam warned. _This could be a vampire simply passing through, after all. Don't tell her anything until we know what we're dealing with. _I agreed lifelessly and trudged out of the clearing, still blocking out the thoughts of the rest of the pack as I ran. The muscles in my legs hurt for the first time ever. I wanted to slow down, but I ran, as fast as I could, until I got to her house. I didn't even care that I was a huge wolf out in the open, running around in a small neighborhood. I just wanted her safe.

Dread set in when I realized she wasn't there, her truck gone. I needed my phone back to call her, but it was all the way back in La Push. I thought for a split second, trying to think where she might be, and decided on Charlie's. I ran again, pushing myself faster and faster, to get to their house. I circled the house, but she was gone, leaving Charlie in his room snoring.

I was exhausted. I needed to rest. I sat for a minute, trying to think about where she might be. There was no vampire smell around her house, so I doubted she had been taken. And, there was no scent around Charlie's either, which was a good sign. I tried to be positive. Maybe she'd just gone out for a minute. She was probably already back home, and I was just overthinking it. I talked myself into a positive mindset before taking off again, this time at a more reasonable pace, for her house.

Her truck was back in the driveway when I got there, and I instantly felt my chest begin to loosen. As I stepped closer, though, I could smell something, a vampire, but one I recognized. I snarled at Edward's scent, furious that he was with her, furious that he had probably taken her from the house when he heard me coming just to mess with me. I crept into the shadows and phased back, my mind suddenly quiet. I snuck in through the front door with the spare key Bella kept hidden in the plant bed, and inside it was dark. I opened her bedroom door and saw her lying under the blanket, her eyes closed and her breathing even. I felt myself reassemble, relieved beyond words.

I changed into a pair of spare pajamas that I had left there a few weeks ago and lightly climbed into bed. She moved slightly, shifting to curl up into herself. She was so beautiful, so peaceful. I didn't want to wake her. Instead, I laid down beside her and stroked my hand through her hair, watching her sleep. I was exhausted; my eyelid drooped. But I was wide awake and alert, and I knew I wouldn't sleep tonight. I was listening for something, anything, as Bella curled into me. Something was coming, but for now, she was safe.


	20. Chapter 20

I didn't want to wake up. I was so warm. Jake had one arm wrapped around me, his body radiating. I knew it was cold out, because my feet had been freezing the night before. But when Jake came, he had pressed his skin against mine, driving the cold away instantly. It had reminded me of the night back on the mountain, my own personal space heater.

"Bells?" Jake murmured, his mouth against my hair. I stretched back into him, keeping my eyes closed. He kissed the crown of my head and tightened his arm around me. "Bells, wake up." I moaned, my face scrunched up. He laughed softly.

"I'm never getting up," I muttered, curling into him in a ball. He moved his other arm around me and lifted me into a sitting position. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You're going to be late for work," he said, smirking. I smacked my palm against my forehead and whipped around to look at my clock, expecting it to be later. Thankfully, the tiny blue numbers only said 7:32, still an hour before I needed to be in the library. I sighed in relief and flopped back onto my pillows.

"Don't scare me like that," I reprimanded, smacking his leg. He flicked me on the arm and stood up, the bed shifting with his movements. I rolled over to stare at him, shirtless and beautiful.

"What happened with Sam?" I asked, yawning. Something flitted across Jake's face, too fast for me to figure out what, before he just shrugged nonchalantly.

"He was telling everyone about you knowing Chris," he said dismissively. "Nothing as intense as I thought it would be."

"Well, that's good," I said, finally moving to get out of bed. I tugged on the hem of my old t-shirt. "You really had me worried."

"You never need to worry," he said, smiling slightly. He took a step towards me and pulled me to him into a crushing hug, my feet lifting from the ground and my arms pinned to my sides. "I'll never let anything happen to you." I gasped a little, my air cut off, and he dropped me too fast, my feet scrambling to gain my balance. I just stared at him. The worry that had plagued me returned when I finally noticed the panic tugging at his eyes.

"Jake, what's going on?" I asked, reaching out for his hand. He pulled away slightly, his mouth taut.

"I have to get to school," he said flatly, reaching his hand up to rub the back of his head. "I'll call you later." He leaned down and crushed his lips to mine, pushing himself to me with unexpected intensity. His arms snaked around me and gripped my back, bending me to him. I felt dizzy, surrounded, overwhelmed. I reached out for him, closing my hands around his arms just as he yanked away. He backed towards the door, his eyes almost wet like he was going to cry. Then, he turned and darted from the house.

I stood there, slightly off-balance, suddenly alone. I thought back to my night with Chris. Maybe he'd figured out where I had been for so long and was upset with me. I hoped he wasn't jealous; I'd had enough jealousy to last a lifetime. He must just be upset about Leah, I reasoned. It wasn't me. He would've told me if he was mad. Right?

I decided to shower and make a small breakfast before leaving for work. The day was overcast and freezing, and even through my thick jacket I could still feel the icy wind. I ran to my truck fast and started it immediately, clawing at the dial for the heat. I chugged along the roads slowly, letting the heat warm me up before I pulled up to the library. There was only one car in the lot, and I recognized it immediately. I smiled and went inside.

Edward was standing behind the desk, organizing papers with inhumanly fast hands. His head popped up as I came in, and a smile broke across his face. I walked up to the counter and leaned against it, my elbows propped up.

"Hi, I was hoping you could help me with some books?" I asked teasingly, and he rolled his eyes.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Like a rock," I said, pushing off from the counter. I walked around to the back and squeezed in past him. I fell into my chair and rubbed my hands together, hoping to warm up. "What did you do all night?"

"I spoke with Alice, actually," he said calmly, still sorting packets of paper that I couldn't see.

"Shoot, I have to call her," I said, reaching for my phone out of my bag. "We talked last night, and I think it was important, but I hung up on her."

"She told me." I swiveled my chair around to face him, raising my eyebrows. He studiously ignored me, his back to me. "She was rather upset about that."

"I know," I said guiltily, opening my phone. There was only one message, a text from Alice, saying 'call me when you can'. I started dialing her number. Before I could hit the call button, though, Edward's hand was suddenly around mine. He gently slid the phone out of my palm. I gazed up at him questioningly.

"We should talk first," he said. His eyes were black, hard. I sighed.

"Edward, look, I don't want to talk about what happened last night," I started. "Chris is a friend, and you really don't have a say-"

"Not about that," he interrupted. "We need to talk about Alice."

"Alice?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. He nodded slightly.

"She'll be here in about an hour." I blinked. It was very quiet, with only the sound of the heater kicking on.

"Why?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted, gliding over to his chair and sitting down. "She wouldn't tell me. But she was in Chicago getting on a plane to Seattle when we last spoke."

"I'm surprised she didn't tell me." I was more surprised about other things, things like our conversation before I hung up, but I didn't want to talk to Edward about it.

"I just wanted to let you know, in case she does not find it worthwhile to tell you." I smiled, and his face stretched into my old crooked smile.

"Thanks." I reached back for my phone, and he placed it into my hand, the screen still showing Alice's number. I hit the button and held it up to my ear.

"Bella!"

"Hey, Alice," I said, turning the chair slightly so that I wasn't looking at Edward. "What's up?"

"We definitely need to talk about that boy, Bella," she said sternly, and I sighed.

"What's there to talk about?"

"Who was he? Where was Jake? And why were you guys talking about putting chocolate pudding on burgers?" I laughed, shaking my head. When Chris and I had been kids, we loved chocolate pudding. It was always our snack when we came home from school, and our parents had to buy it by the case to keep up with us. We were eating dinner together one night when we were about eight, and Chris had decided that maybe chocolate pudding on his hamburger would be delicious. He had almost puked, and I had spent the rest of the night laughing at him.

"Don't worry about the pudding thing, it's not important," I said, still laughing. I could feel Edward glance over at me, curious. "He's a friend."

"Bella," she warned.

"I swear, Alice," I said. "We were best friends when we were kids. Leah started dating him a few months ago and brought him around a couple of days ago. We were just catching up."

"How on earth could I see you? The last time I could see you was when Jacob...you cannot fathom what I imagined! I thought you'd decided to leave Jacob for this boy!"

"I'm not breaking up with Jake," I said firmly. Edward coughed loudly, but I ignored him. "Chris and I were just talking."

"I shouldn't have been able to see you like that, you know."

"I know. I'm not sure why you could. Any ideas?"

"Well," she began, her voice suddenly thoughtful, "Jacob blocks your future out entirely, even when you aren't around him anymore. So in order to see you, you would've had to make a conscious decision to stay awake from him for an extended period of time. I can't even see you when you're at work, when you know you'll have to spend a set amount of time alone. This must have been different."

"I don't see how," I said, switching my phone to my other ear. I glanced at the clock: 10 minutes until the library opened. "Nothing was different."

"I need you to be honest with me," she said, her voice cracking over the line. "Do you have feelings for this guy?"

"Absolutely not!" I said too loudly. I hunched over the phone, turning my back to Edward completely. "I mean, no. Like I said, just friends."

"That makes no sense, then," Alice said, sighing. "The only thing that should have opened up your future like that would be uncertainty about staying with the wolf."

"Can't we just talk about this when you get here?" I asked, glancing at the front doors for people. Alice was quiet for a moment.

"Edward," she said flatly, almost menacingly. I raised my eyebrows and turned back to him. He was pretending to be focused on something on his computer.

"Yeah, he told me right before I called you," I said slowly. "Was it supposed to be a surprise? I'm sorry." She breathed out in a huff.

"Give me to him." I tapped his shoulder and he turned, looking innocent. I handed him the phone and he put it to his ear gingerly. I couldn't hear what Alice was saying, and when he spoke, his lips moved so fast that I couldn't imagine words coming from them. He snapped the phone closed and handed it back in less than a minute.

"She'll be here in about an hour," he repeated. He swiveled back around to face his computer. I sighed, shaking my head to clear my thoughts, and turned back to the counter.

* * *

><p>Alice never came. I was worried at first, but Edward said he could hear her nearby, waiting. I asked if he could hear the reason she came, but he told me she was blocking him out by singing every national anthem in alphabetical order. Eventually, Edward said that she had met up with Jacob, whose thoughts were muddled and, apparently, almost unreadable. The two of them disappeared, which Edward said just meant that they were too far away for him to hear.<p>

I tried not to worry, but I was suspicious and nervous all at once. Why would Alice go to Jake before coming to see me? I thought Edward was hiding something, something very important. Alice wouldn't have come into town for no reason. Chris's face flashed into my mind, and I tried to push him away and focus on inputting books back into the system.

"Bella?" Edward said as we were packing our bags to leave for the day.

"Hmm?" I didn't take my eyes from the computer, still typing away.

"I want to tell you where I've been." That got my attention. I spun to face him, and he looked almost guilty.

"I'm all ears," I said, folding my hands in my lap. He sighed, his eyes on my hands.

"I was in Denali. I could barely stand to be near this place anymore. I needed to get away. I knew that going to Maine, to my family, would be a mistake. They would ask too many questions, questions that I did not – or, rather, could not answer. I thought Alaska would be easier." I waited for more, but nothing came.

"You're lying," I said indignantly, and he looked back up at me with anger in his eyes. "Alice said she saw you in the Midwest. I know you weren't in Alaska."

"How do you know that Alice wasn't the one lying?" he countered, his eyebrows pushed together. "You so blindly believe my sister, but you once trusted me, too." It only took a moment for his words to stab into me like a knife, twisting in the pit of my stomach. I felt my face contort and I turned away from him, bringing up my hand to cover what part of my face I could. He was suddenly there, pulling my chair away from the desk and kneeling in front of me, gently pulling my hand from my face. I stared at him, unrelenting, as his eyes searched mine, pained and regretful.

"I do trust you," I said in almost a whisper. "Edward, please don't do this. We're at work."

"Just come with me," he urged. I bit my lip. "Bella, love, I just want to try and be good again. You said we were friends. I want that to be true." I sighed, not bothering to mention his slip-up. I nodded slowly, and he smiled, squeezing my hand.

"Let me call Jake to let him know where I'll be," I said, reaching for my phone with my free hand. Edward wrapped his slender fingers around my wrist and tugged my hand back, meeting up with my other one. I felt a sudden burst of anger boil inside of me.

"Alice can see that you're with me," he explained, his voice soft. "She may not be able to see you, but she can still see me. She's still with the werewolf, so she will let him know where you are."

"Why can't I just call?" I asked petulantly, feeling childish as I pouted. He rolled his eyes.

"You're still so stubborn," he muttered in a low voice. He let my hands go and glided back to his part of the desk. I pulled my bag out from under the table and slung it over my shoulder. Edward was standing at the back of the help desk area, waiting for me. We walked out wordlessly, our footsteps echoing. He locked the doors as we left, and he motioned to his car. I was already shivering, my teeth chattering together in the temperature. Edward turned on the engine and the heat as quickly as he could.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he pulled out of the parking lot. "And what about my truck?" He laughed lightly, turning the wheel.

"I'll bring you back here to get your truck later," he promised. "For now, you should eat. It didn't escape my notice that you didn't have lunch." At the mention of food, my stomach rumbled. I was starving, having forgotten to grab a lunch from home in my worried haze. I smiled lightly.

He pulled into the diner from the night before where Chris and I had met. The same waitress was working, and she smiled widely at me as Edward and I sat down, opposite each other. I asked for a glass of water, and Edward politely declined. I reached for a menu and scanned it hungrily.

"I am sorry," he said suddenly. I glanced up from the menu at him, and he was staring at me with a pained expression. "I didn't mean to say anything...improper earlier." I sighed and placed my menu flat on the table.

"It's okay," I said, and I was surprised to find that I meant it. "I'm the one who needs to apologize. I appreciate that you're trying, for me. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you." His face twitched.

"You don't need to worry about me," he said quietly. "I still have you, in some capacity. It'll have to be enough." It was the first time we'd really talked about things, about where we found ourselves, and I felt an invisible hand start to close around my chest. I fought against it, trying to keep calm.

"It doesn't have to be that way," I pointed out, trying to push the building guilt from my mind. "Maybe you can be okay with this, someday."

"You know that'll never happen." I had a flashback to the year before, the constant torrent from Jake, his tiny speeches to try and get me to change my mind. I had hurt enough over Edward; I wanted to forget.

"All right," I conceded, picking my menu back up to avoid his fiery eyes.

"Do you remember the day in the clearing?" he asked suddenly, pulling me from my concentration. "The first time?"

"We're not going to do this," I said firmly. "If you brought me here for this, then I want to leave." His face soured, and his lips set into a hard line.

"I'm making casual conversation amongst friends," he retorted. The waitress appeared then, cutting him off. He glared at me as I asked for another minute, and when she asked if he wanted anything, he snapped at her, too harshly. She walked off with a dejected look on her face.

"Well that was inconspicuous," I said acidly. He rolled his eyes.

"I have no intention of being coy anymore," he said, just as sharply. "I'm going to fight for you just as hard as Jacob did."

"But Jake won," I pointed out with a scowl. His reaction was immediate, and I realized too late that I had slipped up, hit below the belt. I floundered. "No, shoot, Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Let me know when you actually wish to be friends rather than treat me as some object on which to take out your anger." He stood up, too fast for a public place, and strode out the door without looking back at me. I put my head in my hands, ashamed and horrified at myself. I barely heard my phone ringing from inside my bag. I yanked it out and checked the screen.

"Chris?" I said, pressing the phone to my ear.

"Hey," he said cheerfully.

"Look, now isn't really a good time," I said quickly, turning around to see if Edward was waiting for me outside.

"Tell me your troubles, Liberty Bell," he said in a sing-song voice. I smiled, despite myself.

"You want to do me a huge favor?" I asked, still looking outside. Edward's shiny car was gone from its parking space.

"Name it."

"Come get me, please." I sighed. "I'm stranded."

"With pleasure," he said easily. "Just tell me where."

* * *

><p>"Honestly, I just can't believe you've got so much on your plate." I sighed, shaking my head slowly.<p>

"Most of the time, neither can I." He chuckled and leaned back on his palms, listening to the sound of the water crashing below.

He had reached the diner fast, and I was waiting at my table still, stirring my straw around aimlessly in my water. I apologized to the waitress for not ordering anything, but she assured me that it was fine. Chris led me out to his car, a small and old sedan with fraying cloth seats and a chunk taken out of the dash like an animal had taken a bite. I liked it; it reminded me of my truck.

I didn't know where to go. I tried calling Alice and Jake both, but neither picked up. I told Chris to just drive to La Push, where he said Leah was too, so that we could wait for them. I didn't realize where I was directing him until the cliff came into view, and he pulled off with a weary expression. I assured him it wasn't as scary as it looked, and when I got out and sat right on the edge, he had decided to be safer and sit safely on the cliff, his legs folded on the rocks. The wind had stopped, and the air was chilly but bracing, almost welcome without the cold breeze.

"Tell me about him." I glanced over at Chris, and he was looking at me expectantly.

"Who?"

"This Edward guy." I sighed. Chris had asked why I had been abandoned alone at the diner, and it had all just sort of spilled out: my relationship with Edward, my friendship with Jacob, my final choice and Edward's subsequent downward spiral into what I could only call insanity. He had listened without interruption, letting the story tumble out of me at my own pace. I'd forgotten how good of a listener he was.

"He's...hard to explain," I said slowly, struggling for words to describe him without giving away too much. Chris might have known about the wolves, but the vampire secret wasn't mine to tell, not anymore. "He's old-fashioned. He's also sweet and overwhelmingly kind-hearted. When we were together, he was very protective and he made me feel safe. You remember how clumsy I used to be? It's gotten worse. A few years ago, I fell down a flight of stairs and was in the hospital for a while." Chris laughed, his head thrown back, and I pouted indignantly, smacking him on the leg with the back of my hand.

"God, Bell, I always knew you were a klutz," he said between breaths, "but I never thought you'd get yourself killed!" I sighed exasperatedly and waited for him to stop before continuing.

"He's brooding, always contemplative. He loves music and the arts, and he's so smart. He's funny, and conscientious, and patient. He was everything I wanted, back then."

"What happened, then?" Chris asked. I turned to him, raising my eyebrows in confusion. "I mean, why did you leave? If he was so great, what made you go?"

"Jake," I said simply, matter-of-factly. "When it came down to it, I knew who I couldn't live without."

"But you still love him." I turned away from him, towards the horizon. The clouds had receded, and the moonlight was glinting off the calm ocean like there were dancing lights on the water. The wind ruffled my hair, but I barely noticed the cold.

"I love Jake more." It was, as always, only the best that I could do.

"That must be tough," he said softly. I blinked a few times, holding back the tears that I knew would fall if I wasn't careful.

"It's bearable, now," I admitted. "It was so hard, at first. I felt like I was falling apart. I would have to think to myself, 'just get through one more day, then you can call him'. I never did, though. I was good."

"But you're friends now."

"Not really." I couldn't believe I was telling him all of this. No one, not even Alice, knew how I still struggled, even months later. "He hasn't gotten over it. He still loves me, I know it. That's why he left at dinner tonight. He said he wasn't going to stop fighting for me, and I got mad."

"Understandable, though."

"Of course it is. But that doesn't make it any easier." We were quiet for a few minutes, our silence stretching. Chris scooted up a little to sit beside me, dangling his legs over the cliff carefully. He nudged me and I glanced up at him, at the understanding smile on his face.

"You want to know what I think?" he said suddenly, straightening up a little. I waited. "You should tell him all of this. Maybe, if he knew, then he would understand where you're coming from and lay off."

"That's the last thing I want to do," I said, groaning. "I never want to talk to him about this kind of thing. If he brings it up, I shut down completely. I just get angry, like he was the one that left me, not the other way around."

"So you feel guilty. Big deal." I shook my head, too fast.

"No, I don't," I said automatically. Chris just stared at me doubtfully.

"Bell, this is guilt, plain as day. You need to accept that." I looked down at my hands, tracing the tiny crescent-shaped scar there. I tried to swallow, but my throat felt dry.

"You're right," I said in a tiny voice. I felt him move a little closer, comforting me. The floodgates around my heart cracked and crumbled, and everything gushed out, my pent-up anger and guilt and pain. "I hate myself. I used to not even be able to stand it. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for weeks. I broke every promise I ever made him and didn't even give myself time to get over him. I jumped right into things with Jake. And that opened me up to a whole world of indecision. Every day, I had to fight against the part of me that wanted to be with Edward again while Jake was holding my hand. I used to stay awake at night and imagine that I was with Edward, knowing full well that I would have to face Jake in the morning with another night full of shame in me." I felt the tears start to spill over, and I couldn't stop them. Chris was quiet still, giving me time. I felt my stomach start to clench, feeling almost sick. And then it was coming again, the torrent of words building again.

"I love Jake, I really do. And I love Edward, no matter how long it's been. I can't stop myself from loving him. And with everything that's going on, I wish he was back. Jake makes me feel safe too, but not like Edward did. I just...sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice. Sometimes..."

"What, Bell?" Chris asked as the silence stretched on endlessly. "Sometimes what?"

"Yeah, _Bell_." I whipped around to see Jake and Alice standing behind us, Jacob's arms crossed across his massive chest and Alice's eyes so full of sympathy. From the way Alice's face was contorted, I knew they'd heard it all. I expected him to look furious, but he just looked defeated. His voice was so flat that I almost didn't recognize it. "Sometimes what?"

"Jake, I didn't know you were there," I said pleadingly, standing up and stumbling over to him. My guilt, my endless shame, was on display for the one person that I'd tried the hardest to keep it from, and I felt myself unravelling. "Please, don't-"

"It's not important right now," he said in the same flat, disconnected tone. He turned to Alice, who motioned back to me, and he swiveled back robotically. "There are more important things. We need to talk to you."


	21. Chapter 21

"So this is Chris?" Alice asked lightly, and I stopped, halfway between her and Chris. I turned back to face him, and he was gaping at Alice, open-mouthed and speechless. Sometimes I forgot how the Cullens affected people.

"Alice, don't scare him," I whispered at her, hoping Chris couldn't hear but knowing she could. "He's got enough to deal with as it is." She danced to my side, Jake angry and unmoving, and grabbed my hand tightly. I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my other hand, the cold air stinging at my cheeks.

"Let me talk to him," she said kindly, squeezing my hand in hers. "You need to go with Jacob right now. I'll keep Chris company." I must have looked skeptical because she kissed my cheek lightly and gave me a sad smile before walking slowly over to the edge of the cliff. She dropped onto the rock beside him, folding her legs lithely as Chris stared. I spun back around to Jake, who still hadn't moved. We just stared at each other; him, unwilling to come, and me, unable to go. He finally unhooked his hand from the crook of his arm and held it out to me, a lifeboat in the storm. I felt my legs step woodenly, one in front of the other, until I was in front of him. I placed my hand in his gently, and he squeezed so tightly. I felt myself start to reassemble.

"We need to be alone for this," he said quietly, some of his emotion coming back into his voice. He still sounded distant, but I could hear him, my Jacob. I nodded and let him tow me away from the cliff, glancing back at Chris, who was fully enraptured by something Alice was saying animatedly, as we crossed the road and neared the line of trees. In the dark, the forest looked ominous. Jake stopped a few feet in, where I could still see the moonlight streaming in. He stared down at our entwined hands, silent.

"Jake, listen, I-"

"Don't," he said harshly. "I told you, that's not important. It's about Alice."

"What about her?" I asked, uncomprehending. "Isn't she here about Chris?" Jake looked up at me and furrowed his eyebrows.

"What? No. Why would that matter?" I averted my eyes, staring at the darkness of the forest.

"We had dinner together last night," I admitted, sighing. Everything else was out in the open, the agony of my life laid out in front of us; being honest couldn't hurt anything else. "I thought that was why you'd been so upset with me this morning, because you knew." Jake reached his other hand out for me, but he stopped, his hand shaking as he lowered it back to his side.

"I didn't know," he said evenly, the same monotonous voice.

"Alice could see me," I continued, trying not to let my voice waver. "She called in the middle of dinner, absolutely freaking out because she could see me. Not just see me, but _see_ me see me," I emphasized, trying to make Jake understand. His hand went slack, and I knew he finally understood. "I thought she was coming here because of that."

"That's not why she's here." His voice was dead. I bit my lip.

"Then why is she here? And why did she go to you before me?" Jake paused, and I turned to him, hoping to see my old Jacob back. But this person, the stranger standing before me, was not Jacob. He was dying. His face was pulled down at the edges in gaunt horror, his shoulders slumped and arched. I suddenly grasped that something was very, very wrong. My hand flew to my face unconsciously as I began to understand.

"One of them was here," he muttered, a shadow of his former self. "We caught the trail last night. That's what Sam wanted. Alice came to help us." And I felt my knees start to buckle, my feet wobbling, as it sank in. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Jake's lifeless eyes finally made sense; he'd had time to understand, to let it eat away at him until there was nothing left.

"Who?" I could barely get the word out.

"Alice thought it might have been one of the guards." Not Jane. It wasn't Jane.

"They weren't supposed to be here for months." I couldn't even tell if my words made sound as they came out. I took an unsteady step backwards, ripping my hand from Jake's and turning my back to him. I needed to be alone. I was going to fall to pieces; I could feel the wild terror bubbling up inside of me, the fear growing. I wanted to run.

"We need to get you somewhere safe." Jake's voice was too calm, too level. "Sam has his spare room ready." I shook my head, wanting him to stop, wanting the world to stop.

"I'm going home," I said, terrified when my voice came out dead like his. Jake snatched my arm from my side and wrenched me back to face him.

"This isn't up for debate," he said sternly. "You're going to stay with us for a while. I'm not letting you be stubborn about this."

"Well, excuse me for doing something you won't allow!" I spat the words out like barbed wire, my fear transforming into blind fury. "I'm going home, because this isn't up for debate!" I yanked away from him and stomped out of the woods, heading for Alice. I knew, somehow, that she would understand, that she would let me do things my way. I needed control. I needed to get a grip.

"Bella, don't just walk away from me like that," Jake said from behind me, his steps soundless as he kept pace.

"Get away from me," I seethed. He sighed quietly.

"I'm not letting you out of my sight, not until this is over." I whipped back to face him and faltered. The agony was back, replacing his harsh edges. I wanted to comfort him; I wanted him to comfort me.

"I want to be home," I whispered, my anger seeping away. "At least for tonight. Please." Jake hesitated, his face slack, before he nodded once. I couldn't look at him, couldn't see the pain in his features. I turned back around and kept walking heavily to Alice. She was still sitting with Chris, but they had both angled themselves to face each other. Chris was talking, Alice sitting with her hands folded in her lap. Alice turned to me before Chris, who cut off mid-sentence to swivel his head to me.

"Chris was just telling me the funniest stories about you as a child," Alice said musically, her laugh tinkling. I noticed how hard her eyes were, but I doubt Chris could. "I could talk to him all day." Chris smiled.

"Just got a good memory, I guess," he said sheepishly, completely unaware of the tension in the air.

"Would you mind very much if I took Bella home?" Alice asked sweetly, her voice dripping like chocolate. "I came all this way to visit, and I'd love to spend some time with her."

"No, you girls do your thing," Chris said easily, standing up. "I gotta get back to Leah, anyway. She's probably wondering where I am." I suspected Leah was still with the rest of the pack, but I kept quiet.

"Thank you for coming and getting me," I said, trying to sound as normal as I could. Chris smiled and took a step towards me. He wrapped his arms around me, resting his head on top of mine, and I hugged him back, unsure of when I'd see him again, unsure if I'd survive the night.

"Remember what I said," he reminded me as he pulled away. I nodded mechanically. He smiled again, winking before he walked around to his car. I watched him pull away, beeping the horn twice as his tail lights disappeared around a corner. Jake was suddenly at my side, gripping me to him with one arm.

"We need to get out of the open," Alice said in a rigid voice, her face pulled tight.

"Bella doesn't want to go to Sam's," Jake said slowly.

"'Bella' can speak for herself," I said, annoyed. "I want to go home. I don't think being in La Push is going to stop anyone if they really want to get to me." Alice pursed her lips and glanced up at Jake.

"What do you want to do?" she asked. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I guess one night couldn't hurt anything." Alice nodded once and flitted to my side.

"Do you need help getting on my back?" I shook my head and climbed up, her arms helping to push me up anyway. I turned to Jake, but he was retreating to the forest.

"Jake-" I called out.

"I'm just phasing," he shouted back, pulling his shirt over his head as he disappeared. He popped back out a moment later, the familiar red-brown wolf that I loved. He sat at the edge of the forest, waiting.

"Close your eyes," Alice warned, and I tucked my head into her shoulder, shutting my eyes tightly. I tried to keep my focus on the even movements of Alice's body, on her slow breathing. I wanted to look to make sure Jake was following, but I didn't dare lift my face.

We were back at my house in a few minutes. Alice helped me down, and when I turned to find Jake, I saw his wolf. I ran over to him, panicking.

"Jake, someone will see you!" I whispered fiercely, shoving on his leg as hard as I could. He trotted into the shadows, and a moment later he reappeared as my Jacob. I tried not to stare at his naked body, and Alice turned around courteously to let him step inside to change. We only waited a minute before opening the door and going in. He was just pulling a shirt over his head. He turned to me and wrapped his massive hand around mine.

"I'll need to call Edward," Alice said, pulling out her phone.

"God, please don't," I pleaded, my eyes closing. "He's the last person I want right now."

"We need him. I have to get away from Jacob so that I can see, and I don't think it's safe to leave you with just one person to protect you."

"What about the rest of the pack?" I turned to Jake, but he was shaking his head.

"They're all following the trail to see if they can figure out where it went."

"Edward will do," Alice said curtly, putting the phone to her ear. Her lips moved amazingly fast, the call short. "He'll be here soon. For now, I need to see. I'll be right outside, trying to see around the dog. I'm sorry," she said immediately, pursing her lips. "I mean Jacob. Once Edward arrives, I'll need to get further from here to see the best that I can. I'll have my phone, so call me if you need anything."

"Do you want a jacket?" I asked, but she just laughed quietly and disappeared. Without her there, I felt the sweeping panic return, and I slunk to my room to sink onto my bed. Jake followed me in and sat beside me. I curled up, bringing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

"Talk," I said quietly.

"About what?" Jake asked, leaning closer.

"Anything. Just talk. I can't handle the quiet."

"I don't know, Bells."

"Tell me about what happened. Who found the trail? Where was it?"

"Jared did. He was out hiking with Kim when he ran into it. He told Sam, who called all of us out to where Jared was. I was the last one to get there. They'd already all talked about it. Some of the guys followed it to try and find out where it went. Whoever it was skirted around La Push and straight through Forks to Charlie's house."

"No," I moaned, burying my head in my knees. "Not Charlie."

"He's fine, I promise. The vamp left when they realized you weren't there. It didn't think to go anywhere else, though. There's no trace of it here or at your job or anything. It's like they knew exactly where you lived – well, used to live – and zeroed in on it." I felt a lump rising in my throat and didn't say anything.

"I want to talk about what you were telling Chris." I didn't move. "I just need to know. Am I not enough for you?"

"I don't want to talk anymore," I whispered.

"Well, I do. And I need to know if you even love me anymore. Has any of it been real? Have you been lying to me for months?"

"Stop," I begged. I felt small, so small. I wanted to shrink away.

"Damn it, just tell me. Do you even care? Do you even love me anymore?"

"Bella?" I lifted my head and stared at the doorway, where Edward was standing, his body tense and his face pained. Jake moved closer to me, wrapping an arm around my sunken shoulders possessively.

"I'm so sorry," I said weakly. Edward's eyes softened and he took a step into the room. I felt Jake stiffen beside me.

"I forgive you, love," he said softly, taking another step. Jake scoffed.

"Better not call her that," he muttered. Edward barked a laugh.

"You're lucky I haven't killed you yet, dog."

"Stop, both of you," I ordered, letting my legs slide down from my chest. "If it'll make it easier, Jake can stay in here and Edward can go in the living room. That way, you don't have to talk."

"Fine," Jake said, settling on the bed with a smirk. Edward darted from the room in one of his too-fast movements, the door shutting behind him. I sighed.

"I'm going to go talk to him," I said, trying to stand. Jake grabbed my hand, holding me there.

"You don't owe him anything."

"I owe him more of an apology than that. I was so mean."

"He deserves it."

"Just quit it," I said, taking my hand from his. "I'm going out there for a few minutes. You stay here."

"We aren't done talking." He crossed his arms.

"Oh well," I said finally, staring at him. "You already hate me. What more can I do to make it worse?"

"Bella-" I left the room, shutting the door to cut him off. Edward was standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, his back to me. I walked up behind him and reached out to touch his arm, but he didn't move. I moved beside him to get him to look at me, but his eyes were closed.

"I can't forgive myself for not catching the trail myself," he said in a voice so low that I could barely hear him. "If I had been the one to come across it, perhaps I could have done more."

"You know there's nothing you could've done differently," I urged, but his eyes remained shut.

"Perhaps I could have ended this."

"Feeling guilty won't change anything." He turned to look at me, his eyes hard.

"Bella, do you understand that there is a very real possibility that you are about to be killed?" I took a shaky breath.

"I understand that. But worrying doesn't do any good."

"I can't protect you from them." I sighed and leaned my back against the counter, staring up at the ceiling.

"I'm terrified. Did you know that? I'm so scared I can barely stand it." Edward reached out a hand for me, but I shook my head. "That's not the point. The point is, I've been this scared before. I've almost been killed before. This isn't new for me."

"This isn't like fighting Victoria's newborns." Her name sent a small shiver through me. "If the Volturi truly does come for you, there is almost nothing that can be done to stop them. I could see how set Aro was on changing you. He will never stop until you're one of us."

"And you're sure there's no way to stop him?"

"As sure as I stand here now."

"So that's it, then? Change and die or don't change and get killed?" Edward was quiet. "If Aro is going to kill me anyway, maybe I should just have you change me and get it over with. Being a vampire is preferable to being dead."

"Absolutely not!" Jake shouted, bursting through the door to my bedroom. He was fuming. He rushed up to me and yanked me away from Edward, putting me behind him.

"Jake, calm down," I tried, but he swiveled around to me and gripped my shoulders hard, his fingers digging into my skin.

"You've lost your mind!" he bellowed, right in my face.

"You're hurting me," I urged, trying to pry his hands from my arms. His eyes were distant, long-gone. He had snapped.

"I can't do this!" His eyes were glossy, like he couldn't even see me. In a millisecond, so fast that I didn't even feel movement, Edward had grabbed me and pulled me away from Jake, standing between us in a half-crouch. Jake stared at his empty hands, then back at me, like he was trying to figure out what had happened.

I was so tired suddenly. I just wanted to lie down and sleep. Nothing mattered. I didn't care that the Volturi was coming; I didn't care that I was going to die. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to disappear.

I shivered, the cold from the outside seeping into my house without the heater on. Edward turned to me, his eyes full of concern. He eyed Jake, deciding whether it was safe to leave my side, and then flitted to the thermostat, cranking the heat on before darting back to me. I stared at Jake, trying to get him to see me. I didn't even know if he knew where he was.

"You still love him," he whispered, his voice cracking. My eyes welled up with tears and spilled over like rain. Edward was still and quiet, his eyes trained on Jake, his crouch relaxed and focused. I knew he could hear everything I'd said. He would know my secret, after months of hiding, after months of pretending.

"Jake, please," I managed, my tears flowing freely. "I love you. I've always loved you. And that's never going to change. Just because I love you both, doesn't mean I won't be with you." He only hesitated a moment before he stood up straight, his face molding into something resembling calm composure. He walked straight towards me and pushed Edward aside.

I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted him to understand. I wanted to make him believe that I loved him for every second of every day of the rest of my life. But I knew he would never look at me the same way again. He leaned down and kissed me, light as a feather, in the middle of my forehead. I closed my eyes, soaking him in. And then his lips left my face, and when I opened my eyes, he was gone.

"You should try to get some rest," Edward said softly. I nodded. I could barely see through the tears. I felt Edward wrap an arm around my waist and guide me, almost forcibly, back into my room. I fell onto the bed in a heap, my sobs starting to wrack through my body. Edward moved to the rocking chair across the room and sat watching me as my life fell apart around me.


	22. Chapter 22

The morning didn't bring with it any peace. I had finally slept, my body and mind exhausted. Edward was gone; I'd made him leave, screamed for him to go. He was not the one that I wanted as I crumbled.

I sat up in bed, my eyes puffy and my throat scratchy. I glanced around the room, almost hoping that Jane would be standing at the foot of my bed; I deserved to die, after what I'd done to Jake. But I was alone. I wrapped my quilt around me to block out the cold and walked shakily into the bathroom. I cranked the shower as hot as it would go and stepped inside, letting the water hit my raw face. I stayed there, unthinking, unmoving, for what felt like hours.

I knew I needed to fix things. Everything felt wrong, and I was in another world where Jake hated me and Edward was no longer as beautiful as he once was to me. I needed to tell Jake everything, tell him about my regrets and my dreams and my life with him. If he still wanted me.

I got dressed and rubbed my hair within a towel before stepping out into the living room. It was empty, but through one of the windows I could see a tall and shirtless figure pacing. I was sure of what needed to happen. I was sure. I had never been so sure.

"Bella?" Jake's voice was strained as he pushed through the door, beating me again. I tried to make my expression calm, but I had no idea what my face betrayed. "I heard you moving around, so I assumed you were awake."

"I was coming out to get you," I said, pointing out the window where I'd seen him. "I really wanted to talk to you." I could barely look at him.

"Okay." He didn't move from by the door. I took a deep breath.

"I want you to tell me about Sam and Leah." His eyes pulled down in confusion.

"What about them?"

"Do you remember what you told me happened when Sam met Emily?"

"Not really." I wished he would unfold his arms and unstiffen.

"You said that he had to live with the knowledge that he broke her heart. You said he had to feel the guilt every day."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"What about me, Jake?" I had thought about this in my head for hours, how I would explain this to him, how I would tell him. "How do you think I felt?"

"I figure you're about to tell me." He was still so angry.

"Please don't be like this," I said quietly, finally looking him in the eye. His expression was unreadable. "I'm trying to apologize and it's like you don't even want to listen. If you don't want me anymore, just tell me already so I can stop making an idiot out of myself."

"Bells," Jake said, his voice suddenly soft. His face contorted into pain. "I just...I'll stop. I want to listen."

"I just want you to understand."

"I'll try. I won't interrupt." I took a deep breath.

"You must have heard Sam's guilt. You must know what it's like. But what if he hadn't imprinted on Emily? What if he'd just fallen in love with her? What if he hadn't stopped loving Leah because of some weird supernatural voodoo?" I took another breath and stepped toward him carefully.

"I loved you both, Jake. You can't just turn that off. I loved him for so long, and I couldn't just stop with a snap of my fingers. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I should have come to you and asked for help getting through this. But I needed time to get over him. I needed time to stop loving him."

Jake was completely silent. I heard the heater kick on with a whir and a car pass by on the road. My mind raced, desperate to touch him, desperate for him to kiss me.

I had been wrong by not telling him. I had known how difficult it would be to choose one of them, and I had known that the fallout of saying goodbye to Edward would be almost unbearable. I had expected the pain and the ache. But I had chosen to keep it from Jake, to hide how hard it was for me. I had even tried to hide it from myself. But I had made a choice, the right choice, and I had to face the fallout.

Jake still hadn't moved. I was rooted to the spot, one foot in a half-step in front of me, my arms limp at my sides. His face was blank, like he hadn't heard a word I'd said. I was starting to feel the crushing hands of unease around my chest. And then, so fast that I barely saw him move, his lips were suddenly against mine, his arms crushing me against him, and I felt like I was whole again.

* * *

><p>"I talked to Sam." I glanced up at Jake. We were lying against each other on the couch, rain pattering away at the roof.<p>

"Did they find anything?"

"They got as far as Canada before the trail veered off into the ocean. They're on their way back."

"I guess I wasn't expecting much more." I tried to feel afraid, but I had known that they wouldn't find anything.

"Did Alice see anything?"

"I haven't talked to her."

"You should call her."

"In a minute," I said, stretching against him. He tightened his arm around my waist, kissing my head through my hair.

"Where did Edward go?" I asked, trying to keep my tone nonchalant.

"He's outside," Jake said, just as offhandedly. "I told him last night that I could have protected you myself, but he wouldn't listen."

"You should have come inside last night. I know it's freezing."

"Honey, you know you don't have to worry," he said, chuckling a little. I smiled.

"I'm just trying to be nice." He leaned down and kissed me softly.

"Go call Alice, okay? I'll be right here." I kissed him again and pushed off from his chest to stand. My phone was in the pocket of my jeans from the night before, and I had three messages, all from Chris.

_Hope you're doing okay, call me!_

_Have you heard from Leah? She's not back, I'm worried_

_Call me, it's important_

I felt a tiny ring of alarm at his last text, but I tried to ignore it. I called Alice, who was out of the rain inside of the Cullens' old house, and she said she would be right over. She also promised to call the library and make sure I'd get the day off from work. I smiled as I hung up and walked back over to Jake, who had been watching with thoughtful eyes.

"Tell me something," he said as I settled myself back onto his lap and chest. He wound his fingers into my hair.

"Hmm," I hummed, closing my eyes.

"Would it be easier if you didn't talk to Alice anymore?" My eyes snapped open and I lifted my head to stare at him with hard eyes.

"Alice has nothing to do with anything," I said curtly. He frowned apologetically, touching my cheek with the back of his hand.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to her. I'm sorry, that came out wrong." He sighed. "I was just asking a question."

"If I didn't have Alice, I think I'd lose my mind. She's my best friend."

"I thought I was your best friend." I raised an eyebrow at him, and he grinned.

"Just because I'm friends with Alice, doesn't mean I can't be in love with you. Besides, I thought you two were getting along."

"We are," he admitted, almost sheepishly. "I actually really like her. She's funny and she doesn't take my crap. But if there's a best friend competition here, then I'm gonna have to kill her." I smacked him lightly, scrunching up my face, and he laughed, the familiar glow returning to his face.

There was a knock at the door, and I disentangled myself from Jake. I stood, letting him adjust himself on the couch before opening the door. Alice flitted inside to get out of the rain, her black hair beaded with water.

"Alice, you didn't have to run over here in this rain," I complained. "I would have come and gotten you." She just waved her hand dismissively at me. I went into the bathroom and returned with a dry towel. She took it gratefully and ran it over her hair and damp clothing.

"Sam said the trail ended in Canada," Jake said, standing from the couch and walking over. Alice sighed, draping the towel around her shoulders.

"I was hoping they could catch up to him," she said, her voice unusually hard.

"Him?" I asked, and she turned to me.

"I could see their movements all night. They aren't trying to hide from me. They aren't aware of what I saw and what we know, from what I can tell."

"What happened?" Jake asked, his voice strained but interested. Alice motioned to the couch, and I took a seat besides Jake. She folded herself into the armchair, rubbing her temples with her fingers.

"You can't imagine how nice it is to be around you, Jacob," she said quietly. "I've had a terrible headache from concentrating so hard. Not seeing is such a relief."

"Glad I could help," he said sarcastically, but when I glanced at him, he was smiling.

"The Volturi are a strange family. Has Bella told you about their organization?" Jake shook his head. "They are very old, and their guards are more a collection than a family. They bring in those of us with special abilities, such as mine or Edward's. That way, the guards can serve as protection if ever there was danger coming. One has a particularly useful ability, one of extreme speed. You've seen how fast we can run, but this guard is nearly twice as fast.

"That's who I saw, and that's who was here. You didn't meet him on our vacation to Italy," she said to me, smiling slightly. "I couldn't remember his name until he returned to Volterra and Aro said it. William. I didn't recognize the scent because he is relatively new to the family, though he is a very old vampire in his own right.

"He was not sent to retrieve you. He was merely sent to seek you out. Aro was curious about you, and so he sent William to find out how you were coming along. You must remember, he believes you've been turned into one of us." I felt Jake stiffen beside me, and I reached a hand out to him.

"He was checking up on you. When William went to Charlie's house and nowhere else, it was because he assumed that you had left to live elsewhere with us. Edward's scent was extremely faint, and your room was empty. William assumed that you had followed through with your promise and gone with Edward to be turned."

"That doesn't make any sense," I said, puzzled. "I was there at Charlie's..." I trailed off, lost in thought. The more that I thought about it, the more plausible it seemed. I hadn't been to Charlie's for a while before dinner the night that the wolves found the trail. My scent would have been old, too. With my room almost completely cleaned out and my and Edward's scents old, it was a reasonable conclusion. Aro must have instilled his confidence in Alice's vision into William, who took Charlie's empty house as proof.

"You have to be wrong," Jake was saying, shaking his head. "If he tells the head vamp that Bella really did change, then there's no reason for them to come looking for her later. She wouldn't have to-" He cut off sharply, his face starting to contort.

"Unless Aro wanted to be absolutely certain," Alice interjected quickly, filling the silence. "I assume he would want to actually see Bella as one of us before he's satisfied."

"So there's no running, then." Both Alice and Jake turned to look at me, but I felt limp. "That's it. Even if he's happy now, he'll need to see me as a vampire. There's no way around that."

"Bella, don't talk like that," Alice said in a low voice. "I promised you that we would find a way to fix this, and I intend to keep that promise. We can't give up."

"Can you see when Aro will come?" Alice closed her eyes for a moment.

"Last night, he was satisfied with William's report. He had no plans of coming here or sending another guard for the foreseeable future."

"But both you and Edward said that no one would come to check up on me until I was 30, but I'm not even 20 and he already sent someone," I pointed out dejectedly.

"I will figure this out," she promised. I wasn't convinced, but she seemed confident in herself. She stood up suddenly, sighing.

"I have to go," she said hurriedly, glancing at the door. "Edward needs me. But I'll be back later. I won't leave without saying bye." She smiled widely at me, her teeth dazzling, and she flashed out the door, leaving Jake and I alone. He exhaled loudly, throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling.

"Is it just me, or is all of this extremely exhausting?" I smiled wanly and kissed his cheek, and I noticed that his eyes were rimmed with fatigue.

"When was the last time you slept?"

"Probably a few days," he said, yawning. I furrowed my eyebrows together.

"You need to sleep," I said, dismayed. He shrugged.

"It's part of the job."

"I need you to sleep. I'll be fine."

"I need to protect you."

"You heard Alice. That William guy is long gone, and no one is coming back for a while." I waved my hand indifferently. "I'm fine, really."

"Maybe a little nap wouldn't hurt," he said finally, rubbing his eyes. I smiled and stood, reaching out for his hand. He took it and let me help him up. His lethargy was obvious. I tugged him gently to my room and helped him onto the bed. I leaned down and kissed his forehead, and when I pulled away, his eyes were already closed, his breathing even. I stepped out of the room quietly and went back to grab my phone. I went into my texts and dialed Chris's number.

"Bell!" His voice was cheerful, a strange change from the rest of the morning.

"Chris!" I said, trying to match his enthusiasm, and he laughed.

"How've you been?"

"I'm all right. Things are...better."

"Really? Did you take my advice?"

"Not yet. I might have forced Edward to go away so I could fix things with Jake." Chris laughed again.

"That sounds just like you."

"Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically.

"Did you get things off your chest? You sounded really bent-up last night."

"It's a long story. I'll tell you later."

"All right," he said, shifting the phone to the other ear. "So do you want to help me with something?"

"Hmm?"

"I need help finding Leah." I walked into the kitchen, cocking the phone between my ear and shoulder, and reached for a glass from my cabinets.

"She still isn't back?"

"Nope. And she left her phone here, so I can't call her." I filled up my cup with water and took a sip.

"Jake heard from her a little while ago," I said, glancing at the clock on my oven and trying to count back. "She was with Sam and them last night. I think it was really important."

"Wolf stuff?" I froze. I almost dropped my phone. It was the first time he had mentioned the wolves, though I'd known that he was in on the secret. It was jarring to hear someone else refer to it so nonchalantly, like he was as comfortable with the idea as I was.

"I-uh-I don't-"

"Wait, you do know, right? I mean, you're dating one of them. I figured you knew too." I bit my lip and glanced back at my closed bedroom door, wondering if Jake would be okay with me talking about this with Chris. I sighed.

"Yeah, I know," I admitted. Chris made a noise of agreement.

"I've been curious, but I didn't know how to bring it up."

"Me neither," I said, smiling. "Jake told me that Leah spilled, but I completely forgot about it once I saw who you were."

"Leah didn't warn me about anything," he said, his voice echoing. "We were out one night and we were fighting, and all of a sudden she started shaking and ran off. When I followed her, I ran into her wolf. I thought I was going to die. But then suddenly Leah was standing there where the wolf had been. I definitely thought I had lost it. It took her all night to calm me down."

"You should've seen me the first time I saw Jake!" I thought back to the first time I'd seen the wolves in the clearing with Laurent, then again the first time I'd watched Jake explode into a wolf in front of me. I understood how he could be unnerved by it.

"I'm totally with you, Bell." We both laughed, and I felt calmer than I had in days.

"Don't worry about Leah," I said, switching my phone to the other ear and finishing my water. "She should be back soon."

"I believe you."

"Call me if she still doesn't come back in a few hours and I'll try and get in touch with her."

"Will do. Hey, you promise you're doing all right?" I smiled, glancing back at my room.

"Everything is great," I said quietly, cupping my hand around the phone.

"Call me later?"

"Absolutely."

"Bye, Bell."

"Bye." I shut the phone and held it in my hand. I set my glass down in the sink and went into my room, shutting the door quietly. Jake was lying face-down against the pillows, his back moving slowly up and down as he breathed. I smiled and sat beside him, putting my hand against his back, and waited for him to wake up.


	23. Chapter 23 - Jacob

**A/N: I hope you guys won't hate another Jake chapter! It just spilled out! :)**

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><p>I knew it was cold out. I could see the way that the wind ripped through the trees and the clouds hung heavy with flurries. Sometimes, I wished I could feel cold. Being so hot was like being trapped in hell. But tonight, I could finally feel it. It crept into my bones and muscles like morphine, numbing my arms, my legs, my chest. I knew I should be hurt. I knew I should be furious. But I was only cold, finally.<p>

The noise of Bella's sobbing was deafening. I wanted to run, my escape from the pain. But I couldn't even get that. I had to stay. Bella was far from safe, and I didn't trust the vamp to be able to watch over her alone.

Nothing made sense. My head was foggy like I was half-asleep. I almost wanted to just concede, to go back in and tell her that she should just be happy with the leech. That way, at least, I wouldn't have to worry every damn day that she's going to die soon, and all because of him.

Because of him, we were both going to lose her.

I could hear a low growl from in the house, and I knew that he had heard me. I barked a laugh in spite of myself, wanting him to know the truth. I wanted him to blame himself as much as I blamed him. He got her into this mess and he was never going to be able to get her out.

"Jake?" My head whipped around at the sudden sound, my muscles aching to run back inside. Why wasn't I angry? How was I so calm?

"Where is he?" Bella demanded, her voice half-crazed. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "Where is my Jacob?" I felt a tiny fissure crack along the length of my cold heart.

"He's just outside," Edward said quietly, the rocking chair creaking as he stood up. I was almost pressed against the window, trying to hear. Bella sniffed for a few moments, and then suddenly there was the quiet noise of the bed moving. Had she gotten up to come look for me? Had he sat down next to her? My blood boiled, the cold finally fading, as I ached to go inside.

"Don't touch me!" Bella screamed, the bed squeaking again. This noise was different; she had gotten up this time.

"Bella, love-"

"Don't call me that!" She was hysterical. I heard the sound of her pulling books from her bookshelf and throwing them at him, the spines making contact with hard thuds. "Get out! Get away from me!"

"Bella-"

"No!" I was suddenly afraid, afraid she would hurt herself. If he didn't leave, I would go in and drag him out. "Leave me alone!" It was only a moment before Edward appeared outside, the front door shutting soundlessly. He sank down into a crouch, holding his head in his hands. He looked agonized.

Served him right.

His head snapped up and his eyes found mine. He flashed to stand right in front of me, his teeth bared. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Go ahead, kill me," I said nonchalantly. He didn't scare me.

"When Bella comes back to me, you will be gone," he threatened, his lips curled back. I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

"Sure, sure." He stalked away, his entire body tense, and stood stiffly in front of the door. I leaned up against the house, folding my arms across my chest.

"You can leave, dog," Edward seethed, turning to look at me.

"I'm not leaving her."

"I can protect her."

"Like hell you can." His lip twitched up, but he didn't say anything.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Bella was crying again, but the new sound was less feverish, more subdued. She could've been crying from a sad movie. I wanted so badly to go inside and comfort her, but I couldn't find it in me to move. My feet were stuck. I just couldn't face her.

"She doesn't want you," Edward said curtly. I turned back to him and stared at him incredulously.

"You have absolutely no sense of boundaries, do you, leech?" He smiled smugly.

"Your thoughts are abnormally loud."

"Then think of something louder and stay out of my head."

"You know how difficult that truly is. Or have you already forgotten our conversation on the mountain?"

"At least the roles are reversed this time," I countered, trying to fill my voice with as much venom as he did. "Now she's finally with the right guy."

"The right guy!" Edward shouted, exasperated. "You could not be more wrong."

"She finally figured out who she loved more."

"I still believe that she does love me, too." I thought back to the cliff, about what I'd heard. Alice and I had walked up just as she'd started telling Chris about Edward's crappy personality. Alice had started to walk closer to them, but I'd held her back. I wasn't sure why I wanted to hear it, but I knew that she was going to tell him something important. I was a masochist for having stayed quiet for so long.

"When was this?" Edward demanded, rushing back to stand in front of me again. His acrid smell filled my nostrils and made me want to gag.

"God, stay out of my head!" I went to shove him away, but he dodged me quickly, moving back in front of me. His eyes were full of something that I didn't recognize. He looked almost... alive.

"She said she still loves me." His voice was desperate, his face haunted as he listened to her confession through my memory. He was pacing, back and forth. "I knew she loved me. I knew she still loved me."

"Now you know how I felt." That stopped him. He froze and turned to me, his face contorting. I shook my head and pushed off from the house. I couldn't look at him. I wandered around to the other side of the house, out of the force of the wind, and sat on the icy ground. I focused again on Bella, who had quieted. Her breathing was long and even, and I knew she had finally fallen asleep.

"I'm sorry, Jacob." I turned with a groan to face Edward, who was standing at the edge of the corner of the house, watching me.

"Just mind your own business from now on."

"That's not what I meant." He took a step towards me, gauging my reaction. When I didn't protest, he took another few steps and sat down beside me, leaning up against the wall. "I meant that I was sorry that you had to feel this way."

"What do you mean?" Despite myself, I was curious.

"I had always known that Bella loved me," he said, staring out at the darkness. "When I first fell in love with her, I was unsure. But once her feelings were clear, I always knew. I can see now how impossible it must have been for you to know that she loved you but not be able to have her."

"I never knew, not really," I admitted. "I always told her that she did, but I could never be sure. I had my suspicions, though. When she kissed me on the mountain, that was the first time she finally realized it for herself." Edward was quiet for a minute.

"Even so," he said flatly, "you loved her for so long before she realized. You had to live every moment knowing that you loved her and she wasn't yours." I tried not to think of the long nights that I'd stayed awake in bed, wishing Bella was mine.

"I can't imagine losing her, though," I blurted out unthinkingly. I immediately whipped my head around to face him, ready to spring away, but he only looked sad, the sadness of a man who'd lived far longer than me.

"I've lost her before," he said. I could hear the strain in his voice as he struggled to keep calm. "This is preferable. Though she isn't mine, she is alive, and she is happy with you."

"I told you that I could make her happy."

"I see that now. I was so determined to be the one in your place that I let it cloud my judgment. I always knew that you were better for her. She didn't know it at the time, but I doubt that she was really so willing to throw away her life."

I didn't know how to answer that. We sat in silence for a few minutes. The wind whipped around the house and tiny flakes began to flurry around in the air. I could still hear Bella inside breathing evenly. I wondered when she would start talking in her sleep; I wondered what she would say.

"You know I can protect her just fine without you, right?" Edward laughed spitefully.

"I don't trust that you can fend off the Volturi if they decide to make a visit."

"Alice would see them coming, wouldn't she?"

"Aro knows of the blind spots in her visions, so it's a possibility that they could come. Perhaps not all of them, but it would be enough." I blanched at his easy demeanor. How could he possibly talk about Bella dying so nonchalantly? He turned to me and looked as if he'd aged a hundred years, his face gaunt and lifeless.

"The thought of Bella dying is enough to kill me." His eyes drooped. "I cannot begin to tell you the agony I felt when I believed her to be dead last year. It was as if I had died myself. But this time...I will have to watch the Volturi kill her and know that I can do nothing to stop them." I scrunched up my face, puzzled.

"What do you mean, you can't do anything?"

"My sister tells Bella what she believes will calm her down. But in the end, if the Volturi do come, we are all powerless to stop them. Bella is a human who knows too much, and my sister and I will be two vampires who broke our promise to change her. We will all be seen as guilty. That is why Alice's vision cut out when she could see Bella go to Italy; it isn't because she interfered, but because she is to be killed as well." I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I could feel my vision start to blur. Every time anyone brought it up, things were worse, always getting worse.

How many blows could I take before I finally fell?

I tried to stand, but my legs wobbled. I sank back to my knees and felt myself start to shake. I felt sick. I couldn't breathe.

"I'm sorry," Edward said quietly. "I did not mean to cause you such pain." I couldn't answer. "I just wanted you to understand what we're facing. You should know what's coming, in case things go as badly as Alice has seen."

"You've known all along." My voice was tight.

"Yes."

"And that's all right with you."

"Jacob Black, you do not know my torture." I flopped back down, my body spent. I was so tired. When was the last time I'd slept? "I can keep myself composed around Bella because I do not want to frighten her. But I am facing not only Bella's death but my own. I fear that I will never see her again, in whatever sort of afterlife we are sent to."

"I think you shouldn't keep this from her like this. She needs to know. This false hope is just going to hurt her more when it finally happens."

"Alice saw her going to Italy, though." I took my face from my hands and glanced at Edward. He was calm, his face composed, staring at nothing. "You have to understand, the Volturi will not want to come here. A single guard, all that Aro sent out this time, is much different than an entire killing squad." I winced. "And with this new news, things could very well be quiet, at least for a while. Aro will believe that she is with us, and if he were to contact Carlisle, I am sure that he would attest to her transformation. It will leave their minds quite soon, if my understanding of their minds is correct."

"So what does all of that mean?"

"It means that if you and Bella keep out of trouble and out of the Volturi's attention, she may be safe for another ten years before they decide to check up on her again."

Ten years. The thought made my cold, cold heart start to pump again, my mind working in a million ways. I could figure out how to protect her if we had ten years to plan. We could be okay. She would be safe.

Hundreds of thoughts ran through my head: Bella laughing, Bella and I finding a place together, Bella and I going to college, Bella in a white dress, Bella alive and well and beautiful. Suddenly, I couldn't hear the wind or Edward or anything.

Until I could.

"Jake." It was a whisper, a tiny voice, but I would know it anywhere. "My Jacob." I wanted to run inside, to kiss her and hold her and assure her that everything would be okay. I didn't care that she loved Edward still. I didn't care that I was supposed to be mad at her. Everything was okay, and she was safe.

"Jacob," she said again, sighing and rolling over in bed. I was alive again.

"Though I do not think they will return, I would like to stay here in case they do." I turned to Edward, and his eyes were so sad. He smiled very weakly and stood up, his movements disconcerting like always. "I will circle the neighborhood and see if I can find anything else." With that, he disappeared into the darkness.

I tried to calm down. I was too worked up. Bella could still be in danger. I wanted to think that Edward had been lying, but I couldn't believe that. He had been honest with me, just as he had been on the mountain. And if he thought things were going to be okay, I could think so, too. I would ask Alice in the morning and see what she thought. If her thoughts were anywhere near his...

I needed to talk to Sam. He needed to know what was going on. I slunk into the shadows beside the house and checked around me, making sure no one was awake and watching. I phased easily, unthinkingly. But the sudden barrage of voices was overwhelming.

_Here, go that way._

_No, it's this way, run!_

_The water, always the water._

_God, I really wanted to kill something today._

_Jacob? _It was Sam.

_It's me. Did you guys find it?_

_Nothing yet. _Jared this time. _We're in Canada. It jumped into the ocean._

_Always the water, _Embry repeated angrily.

_For now, I think it's gone, _Sam assured me, almost uneasily.

_Look, I have some news. _I thought about what Edward had said. Colin laughed.

_I always knew he would come in handy! _He was grinning.

_For now, we're coming back to La Push, _Sam answered. _We should be back by morning._

_Let me know if anything new comes up, _I urged.

_I will._

When I phased back, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I could hear Edward flitting around the houses around us, checking for any signs of danger. Bella was mumbling, something about pudding. I felt better than I had in months.

I moved in front of the door and sat down in front of it, waiting for morning.

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><p>The night was long. It felt like decades of waiting before Bella finally woke up. She had said my name a few more times through the night, her voice low and mumbling. I could feel Edward flitting around the neighborhood, but I tried to tune it out. I just listened to the even sounds of Bella's breathing.<p>

She got out of bed and clomped to the bathroom, her steps louder than usual. I couldn't imagine why; it sounded like she was clumsier than normal. The shower turned on with a sputter and I heard her close the shower curtain with a rattling sound.

And then I was panicking. Would she want to talk this morning? Would she come see if I was still there? Would she want the leech after what had happened? I felt like Jell-O. My arms didn't work. It was like my bones had been removed from my body. I couldn't stand it. I needed to talk to her.

Could I stop myself from being upset? I didn't know. I was still angry with her, though my relief was overwhelming. Maybe it would be enough to fix things. Maybe, after what Edward had said, I could forgive her for everything.

She stepped out of the shower and I stood up fast, my legs asleep from being folded all night. I started pacing, unable to control my anxiety. I felt like I had to move around before I saw her. Everything about us was movement and going forward; I didn't want to stop.

I could hear her shallow breathing moving into the living room, and I wanted to be the one to face her. I wanted to be the one to go to her. I paced a few more times before gaining my nerve back, and then I threw the door open and just stared. She was holding a towel absently in one hand, her hair messed up and wet. She looked at me like I was a ghost. As soon as her eyes met mine, she looked away, staring down at her feet.

"Bella? I heard you moving around, so I assumed you were awake."

"I was coming out to get you," she said, and she pointed a finger out the side window. "I really wanted to talk to you."

"Okay." I tried so hard not to sound angry, but even I could hear it. I tried to remember how happy I'd been when she'd picked me, when she'd first kissed me, when she'd first invited me to spend the night that first time...

"I want you to tell me about Sam and Leah." What?

"What about them?"

"Do you remember what you told me happened when Sam met Emily?"

"Not really."

"You said that he had to live with the knowledge that he broke her heart. You said he had to feel the guilt every day." I was so confused. Where was she going with this?

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"What about me, Jake? How do you think I felt?" Felt about what? Is she talking about me and Edward? My head felt foggy.

"I figure you're about to tell me."

"Please don't be like this." She turned her eyes up to me and stared at me, her gaze piercing. "I'm trying to apologize and it's like you don't even want to listen. If you don't want me anymore, just tell me already so I can stop making an idiot out of myself."

"Bells." I knew I sounded angry. I tried to calm down. "I just...I'll stop. I want to listen."

"I just want you to understand."

"I'll try. I won't interrupt."

"You must have heard Sam's guilt. You must know what it's like. But what if he hadn't imprinted on Emily? What if he'd just fallen in love with her? What if he hadn't stopped loving Leah because of some weird supernatural voodoo?" She took a step towards me. I didn't move.

"I loved you both, Jake. You can't just turn that off. I loved him for so long, and I couldn't just stop with a snap of my fingers. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I should have come to you and asked for help getting through this. But I needed time to get over him. I needed time to stop loving him."

Everything was wrong. How could I be so happy and so angry at the same time? I felt like I was being pulled in all different directions. What the hell was happening to me? I was usually so concrete. I always knew what I was feeling. I hated not being in control.

I was so tired. I wanted to sleep.

But I wanted to hold her so tightly that everything was okay again.

I felt it then, like a tiny snap. I was just...okay. I wasn't angry. I could forgive her and we would be okay. I just knew we would be all right. Everything was better and we were fine. I barely remembered what I was so angry about. All I had to do was reach out to her, and everything would go back to normal.

It was only natural to step towards her and kiss her. It was like an unconscious movement. And with her in my arms, I knew everything was going to be okay.


End file.
